I Kind of Love Doing Taxes and This Week's Highlights

So, I realized something pretty funny about me today.

We finally got our last W-2 in the mail, which I have been looking forward to for days, and I quickly ran inside and began to plug in numbers.

We've been babysitting kids all week, and so it's been kind of crazy around here. So, for fun today, I finished my taxes.

When Grig came home, we looked them over together, prayed about it, and then submitted them. This year we're using Turbo Tax. It tends to be more user friendly than some others that I've worked with before. It's also free as long as your using just the standard deduction.

It was nice to get done, but I realized that I look forward to taxes every year. I don't just look forward to the refund (though that is nice too), but I also look forward to just plugging in the numbers.

I used to think I hated math. I used to think that math was lame and wasn't any fun at all. Only since I've been married have I realized that I don't hate math. I actually really like working with numbers, especially when they have real-life application (like money).

Taxes were a little tricky this year, since it's the first year that we've owned a home, but all-in-all, I think it went pretty well, and I'm happy to have it submitted.

Kevin has been having a great time with friends this week. One of his friends has been staying with us for a few days, and it's been fun to experiment with having two children. Of course, it's a little different because I'm used to the way that Kevin works, but it was still fun. She and Kevin had a lot of fun playing (and fighting, occasionally) together.

Here are some of the highlights from this week:

On the first day, we made puppets. I printed off black and white pictures of Elsa and Superman and the kids colored them. Then we taped them onto straws as puppets. We also did a cat and a dog for each kid. They loved it, and had a great time. 

 We tried to go outside at least once every day. We would alternated between playing in the front yard, and playing in the backyard. One night, we were still playing when Grig got home, and he was able to join us!

 They loved having him pull them around in the sled.

Arkhon loves being outside with everyone too, though he gets cold quickly. 

I built this shelter out of stray branches in the yard. The kids enjoyed helping me create it. I'm hoping that it will snow and cover it in a good thick layer so it will end up more like an igloo. 

 We celebrated Havelock's birthday. We all had a good time and enjoyed meatloaf. (Havelock loves my meatloaf, so I always make it for him for his birthday.)

 After playing for hours, we'd go downstairs for lunch and have a picnic on the basement floor while we watched a movie. They were pretty cute together. I have some other cute pictures of the two of them, but since she isn't my child, I didn't feel like I could show her full face. She is a cutie though.

Arkhon and Kevin like to relax together. Arkhon was exhausted by all the playing and just wanted to take a nap. The kids were having a hard time leaving him alone, but eventually he got his nap.

We've been playing and working hard. Hopefully next week is a little less crazy, but we never know. Sometimes things just keep coming up!

And sadly, I have to wait another whole year to do my taxes again.

;)

MM: What My Toddler Learned from Conference

Kevin is only two years old.

He'll turn three in a few months, but it isn't very realistic to expect him to sit through eight (non-consecutive) hours  of general conference for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and understand much of it.

However, I was touched when during one of the sessions, Kevin turned to me and said, "Heavenly Father?" He had heard one of the speakers mention him. When I confirmed what he had heard, he then said, "Heavenly Father loves me?"

I told him that yes, Heavenly Father loved him very much. He nodded, as though verifying what I had said, and then repeated, "Heavenly Father loves me!"

He said this several times during the several sessions. When he would hear the names of Heavenly Father or Jesus, he would perk up and repeat, "Jesus loves me!"

I loved it. He even made up a song about it and sang it several times. I was pretty proud of his understanding. He is a great kid, and I am so grateful for him.

I loved conference as well. There were so many talks that seemed to just be targeted at me.

As some of you know, it's been a rough week for our family. Grig's sister who has been living with us, suddenly ended up in the hospital during the beginning of last week. I don't want to include much, because that's really her story, but I will give you a cliff-notes version. She essentially has a tumor in her brain that has been blocking spinal fluid from leaving her head. The pressure built up to a point where she wasn't able to remember the names of normal things, and every thing that she said came out in gibberish. She also lost the ability to walk. We rushed her to the hospital, and they were able to release the excess fluid.

Thank you for all of your prayers and kind words.

She actually is back at our home now (she returned today) and out of immediate danger. This tumor has been growing for years, and she still needs to have it removed, but once she's recovered enough from her first surgery, they are going to fly her back to Virginia and treat her there.

It has been a pretty crazy and stressful week, and I have found great comfort in the words of living prophets and apostles.

I am also pleased that, even though Kevin didn't understand much, he was taught the most important principle of the gospel. It made me feel like maybe we're doing something right.

I am so grateful for my family. Both my own family, and my in-laws. It's been wonderful to get to know Grig's family better and to watch them pull together during this difficult time. I am so grateful that they have welcomed me with open arms, and that they have been so kind to me. I couldn't ask for a better family to marry into.

In my side of the family, it's been a pretty momentous couple of weeks as well. Both of my married brothers' wives gave birth. I now have one new niece and one new nephew. That has been a wonderful blessing this week, though I have yet to meet the two newest members of my family.

Throughout all of these trials and blessings, I do know that Heavenly Father loves me and my family. That theme has seemed to permeate our home this week, and I am so grateful for His love. We saw many miracles as we tried to help Grig's sister and when we took her to the hospital. One thing that happened was the night before when I went and took Kevin's car seat out of the car because I had been going to make salsa with my grandma. Having the car seat ended up being a huge blessing.

I have seen many tender mercies, and I am very grateful for the love we have seen and felt. I am grateful that my son learned something from conference, even at his tender age. I was really surprised to find out how well he was actually listening, and very proud of him and the connections that he made.

I don't think there is a more important lesson that he could learn.

MM: Lessons from my Grandparents

Yesterday at church, we had one of the funnest lessons that I have had in a while. I don't know if I've ever laughed that hard during a lesson.

The lesson was about the elderly and how valuable they are. The older sisters in the ward I was in were a hoot. They teased the sister in charge and in general were quite witty.

The teacher, who is a friend of mine, asked me to share something I had learned from my grandparents. I missed the cue, so I didn't end up sharing my thoughts.

I wanted to share my thoughts here, because I felt they were worth saying.

Each of my grandparents have taught me valuable lessons.

My paternal grandmother has taught me to be respectful and kind to everyone. I have very seldom seen her get upset with someone. She is really great at making all of her grandchildren think they are her favorite. She listens carefully and really cares about what we think and what we are going through. She is a great listener, and I want to be more like that.

My paternal grandfather has helped teach me how to work. Though he is nearly 80, he knows more about computers than I do, and he still is running his own business. Since I was 11, he has given me the opportunity to work at his apartments every summer. He has taught me to be a good worker and how to maintain and repair my own home. I have learned a lot from him.

Kevin and his paternal grandparents

My maternal grandmother has taught me the value of service and homemaking. She has been teaching me how to do my own canning. She takes time our of her busy schedule to help me whenever I need it. She is constantly looking for ways to help other people, and whenever anyone comes into town, she is always ready to feed and let them stay at her home. I want to be more like that.

My paternal grandfather has taught me the importance of saving and managing money. Though he has never been rich, he has saved up his whole life and now is able to go on trips with his wife to different parts of the world. He has also served three missions with his wife. I have also learned how to fish from my grandfather. It is something that I enjoy doing with him and with my husband.

This picture was taken at their 50th wedding anniversary. The cupcakes each represent one of their posterity.

Possibly the most important thing I have learned from my grandparents is how important family is. Everything they do is because they loves their children and grandchildren. They helped me stay debt-free throughout college, and I can never repay them for that. They sacrifice to have a family reunion frequently so we can stay in touch with our family. It's not always easy (because they have so many grandchildren and great-grandchildren), but they keep doing it.

I have also learned about the gospel of Jesus Christ. Each of my grandparents have shared their testimonies to me about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Often, they haven't done it in words, but through their actions. I love and respect each of them.

As they get older, I am grateful for the time I get to spend with them. They know so many things that I have yet to learn. I hope they continue to stay around for a long time.

I am blessed to live in a church where God has called older men to lead it. The elderly have vast reserves of experience and examples to draw upon, as well as strong testimonies that have endured many trials. We can learn something from everyone, and I hope to continue to learn from those that are older than me.

Life with an Old Dog

Two nights ago, Dakota got in big trouble.

Beautiful Old Dog

Often when we go to sleep, she just stays out in the living room. We've never had trouble with her doing that, and so we don't worry about it.

However, the other night we had fried chicken. Evidently the smells coming from the trashcan were too much for the old girl. I woke up at about 1:30 a.m. to the sounds of her stressed panting coming from the living room. Thinking she needed to go outside, I asked Grig (which I shouldn't have done, but I don't always think well when I first wake up) to go let her outside. He got up, and Dakota came scrambling into the room and immediately laid down. Then I heard Grig make an angry sound.

Dakota had gotten into the trash, and after eating chicken bones and moldy meatballs, and suddenly needed to use the bathroom. Who knows why (said with sarcasm).

So, when Grig walked out, he found to puddles and one pile of poop. I got up to clean it up so Grig could go back to bed and Dakota slept the rest of the night outside. It's been fairly warm and she has a good coat on her, so she did just fine.

Then, yesterday we decided to go on a walk. I wasn't going to bring Dakota because she's so old and sore, but she refused to be left behind. So, we brought her with us. We weren't intending to walk very far, but two blocks away from our home we found a wallet on the ground. We looked through it to find some information about the owner, and though we found a driver's license and address, it was too far away for us to return (walking) and so we decided to take it to the police station that I had seen the other day. I knew it was within ten blocks, so we decided to find it.

It turned out to be exactly 1.3 miles away. She did okay on the way there, but on the way back, she was really struggling. I felt bad, but we only had only one way to get home.

She made it, but she was super-tired when we got there. She drank and then collapsed on the floor and said she was never moving again.

What a trooper. She reminded me of the scripture (Mark 14:38) "the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak."

She a little sore today, but doing pretty well. Hopefully the guy got his wallet back from the police department.

Sometimes it's a bit of a struggle to have an older dog. She can't hear as well and she can be a bit of a stinker (quite literally sometimes), but I wouldn't give her away for the world. She been with me through a lot. She doesn't have long probably, but we're going to cherish the time we have. Even when it isn't always a good time, it's still time, and we get to spend it with her.

Mormon Monday: Loving Our Students

This last week, my husband and I had an interesting discussion about children.

For me, loving kids is as natural as breathing. They are a child, therefore I care about them, and want them to be happy.

During my student teaching, we were discussing a child who was struggling, and I said something like, "He's a good kid, he's just has a hard time sitting."

One of the other teachers, who's been in education forever, looked at me and said, "You think that every kid's a good kid."

As I thought about it, I realized that, Yes, I do think that every kid is a good kid. I think most adults are really good people too. It takes a lot for me to decide to avoid someone, and even then, I usually still like them, I just don't like being around them. Getting along with people can take some effort, but it is always doable.

A couple of weeks ago, I was released from my calling as the 2nd councilor in the primary. That was pretty difficult and I cried a bit. However, the last couple of weeks my husband and I have been substituting in primary (the children's classes at church), so I've still been able to be around the children.

After teaching, Grig and I were talking about having patience with different kinds of children while teaching. Grig is a great man, and we don't always see eye-to-eye, though we communicate really well. That makes our marriage interesting and I am often challenged to look at things in a different way. We have a lot in common, but like everyone else we had different backgrounds and we are different people.

I love it, it's great!

Grig has never been a teacher, and as we were talking I had the opportunity to teach him something that I learned in college while I was studying to be an elementary teacher.

Keep in mind that I went to Brigham Young University-Idaho for college. Some of the advice we received as perspective teachers is going to differ a bit from other people's college professors' advice.

One of the most important things that my teachers taught me was to pray for my students by name. I was promised that as I did this, I would grow to love my students and I would receive inspiration that would help me teach them on an individual basis in the way that would be best for each of them.

I have since come to learn that this is true. As I have worked in primary and I prayed for children that were struggling, I really grew to love each and every one of them.

Sometimes, I could still be frustrated by some children's antics, but I cared enough about them to seek Heavenly Father's counsel and try again.

When you work and come to love other people, it makes leaving them very difficult. I am super excited about our impending move, but I am also very sad to leave our friends, ward members, and neighbors that we have come to know and love.

We're not moving very far away, but I am not very good at keeping in contact with other people.

I will miss them, but they will stay in my prayers. I know that Heavenly Father will be watching out for each and every one of them.

If you're struggling with students or other children, pray for them by name, and I know you will come to love and care for them deeply. You may even learn what you can do to help them with whatever they may be struggling with.

I testify that this is true, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Day Four of Life with a Puppy

Some of you may be wondering how things are going at our home with our new arrival.

Honestly?

Things couldn't be better.

Arkhon already feels like part of the family. He and Kevin are best friends (though we do have to continually remind them to be gentle with each other). We try to monitor, but all it takes is a second for Kevin to hit Arkhon or for Arkhon to nip Kevin.

They're learning though. I think they'll understand how to play better soon.

Kevin loves his dog.

We ordered Arkhon's crate Thursday afternoon. It is supposed to get here today. Meanwhile, he's been sleeping under our bed. We'll start crate-training as soon as it gets here.

Arkhon has been picking things up quickly. He is already pretty good about not coming in the kitchen, not getting on the beds or couches, and not urinating in the house. He hasn't pooped in the house once, but he has had a couple of urinary accidents. Fewer every day, and usually if he does have an accident, it is simply because we didn't move fast enough when he was giving signs that he needed to go. The crate should help eliminate accidents all together.

Meanwhile, Grig tried to make Arkhon a bed out of a box. At first Arkhon didn't like it, but when he saw Kevin playing in it, and Grig cut another hole so Kevin could get out, he suddenly loved it.

He doesn't sleep in it, he just plays in it.

Aw, isn't he cute?

Kevin and he play a fun game where Kevin will run and look down one hole, and the puppy will pop out. That usually results in a lot of laughter from all involved.

Sunday we tried to trap the dogs in the hall, but our gate hasn't arrived yet either, so while we were at the temple dedication, they got out.

The damage wasn't very bad. One small accident and one chewed up pair of headphones (that Grig wanted to replace anyway) were the main casualties. Dakota, of course, was excellent. Also, Arkhon evidently helped himself onto the couch, because we've had to correct that a couple of times in the last couple of days.

He loves people, especially kids. Every time he sees someone, he wants to go say hello. He is doing really well at learning not to jump on people and walking on the leash. We all love taking walks together. He is really fast too! If we run with him, he can pretty much keep up already. He tends to run at our sides and not to run ahead, which is excellent.

He is playful, but calms down quickly. If you can't tell, we are very pleased with him.

It's been great to have his brother next door too. They're always happy to see each other, and they enjoy wrestling. Usually, his brother, who's been named Loki and is slightly bigger and heavier, pushes him over and ends up on top, but last night Arkhon got the upper hand.

I couldn't be prouder.

It made Loki mad though.

The other day, Grig put him on his lap, and then they both proceeded to fall asleep. It was pretty cute. Of course, as soon as I got out the camera, Arkhon woke up and jumped off. I did manage to snap this picture though:

Photo-bomb Dakota in the corner.

As for Dakota, does she love the puppy?

Not yet maybe, but give it some time. She's learning to tolerating the puppy.

She's starting to come around.

After all, he loves her, and that's what friendships are made of.

Mormon Monday: The Importance of Marriage

I'm sorry I haven't blogged in a week. I hope to be back on track again. Working makes it difficult to blog.

Yesterday, something was said at church that reminded me of a special experience I had just before I got married.

A few weeks before I got married, I remember distinctly one night when I was driving home. We'd already paid for our cruise, and the invitations had already been sent. However, as was pausing at a stoplight, I had the very distinct impression that I needed to pray and ask Heavenly Father if I really should marry my fiance.

As the impression struck me, I felt fear rise up within me. I felt like I had received my answer previously, and I didn't know why Heavenly Father would want me to ask again.

What if the answer was no? I immediately imagined the embarrassment of trying to tell everyone the wedding was off. We'd also lose all of the money that we put into the cruise. Not to mention, I rather liked Grig and didn't want to tell him that we weren't supposed to be together.

However, as all these thoughts swept through my mind, I decided that if my Heavenly Father told me I  shouldn't marry Grig, I wouldn't. I knew that my Father knew better than I did what the future held, and I needed to put him first.

So I prayed. I asked my Heavenly Father if I was supposed to marry Grig. As soon as I did, I was flooded with warmth and assurance. I knew that I was making the right decision, and I was so grateful I asked.

I have often thought since then, why did I feel the need to ask if the answer was yes?

I realized that I had to be willing to put Heavenly Father first. Even though I love my husband dearly, if the Lord said no, I was going to be willing to put His will first. That lesson has served us well throughout our marriage.

Many marriages are failing because people are selfish. If their spouse stops fulfilling their needs, they break it off.

Marriage isn't supposed to be about having someone else fulfill your needs though, it supposed to be about loving and serving each other. If your every focus is to serve your spouse, and they reciprocate that same feeling, your needs will be met as you meet the needs of your best friend. As we work toward becoming more like our Heavenly Father, we become more service-oriented. We begin to love people with a more Christ-like love.

One of my favorite quotes goes:

God loves you just the way you are. However, he loves you too much to let you stay that way.

I don't know who said this originally, but I believe it's true. If we love those around us with a Christ-like love, we want them to improve because we know righteous living will make THEM happier. In a marriage, we should always be striving to improve ourselves and help our spouses with their goals. We don't make their goals for them, but as they set goals, we should ask them how we can help them attain them.

Marriage is often seen as a contrivance. However, we as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints believe that marriages (performed under the authority of the Lord) can last forever. Helaman 10:7 says:

Behold, I give unto you power, that whatsoever ye shall seal on earth shall be sealed in heaven; and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven; and thus shall ye have power among this people.

We believe that marriage is eternal and that families are central to our Heavenly Father's plan. If the marriage is supposed to last forever, 40 or 50 years should be a beautiful beginning.

I know that this is true. I know that marriage is important to our Heavenly Father. I know that as we put our Heavenly Father first, our marriage will grow stronger as we grow closer to Him. Marriages CAN succeed. I have seen it, and I for me, divorce is not an option. I'm going to be with my husband forever. Though at times, we may be separated, we will not be divided. That is my promise to my husband and myself, and he has promised the same thing.

We can work through things and we will, with our Heavenly Father's help.

An Unusually Sappy Post

My husband and I had a really good talk last night.

I mean a really good talk.

I love our relationship. We don't argue. Now, that doesn't mean we don't disagree sometimes, but we've never gotten mad and yelled at each other. If one of us is irritated or annoyed we are always able to talk it out and figure out how to deal with our emotional issues. Usually we're not annoyed with each other either. Life sometimes can just be irritating and stressful. Luckily, we usually take turns being grumpy. Then the other person can be steadfast while one spouse has a meltdown, and afterwards it can be the other spouse's turn! It works out great.

Last night though, we were talking and there was this moment where we just stopped talking and looked at each other. The love in the room was a palpable thing.

I know, cheesy, right? Those of you who know me will think it strange that I'm even writing a blog like this. However, at that moment, I think I truly came to understand something that I hadn't before, and it's something that I want to share.

The love between a husband and wife is Godly.

The Spirit was present at that moment and we were both feeling it. I truly know that as we grow closer to our spouses, we grow closer to the Lord. I don't think I understood this clearly before last night. I've seen the triangle that I've shared before that shows that the closer you and your spouse get to the Lord you also grow closer to each other. However, I hadn't understood that this is the only option when the Lord is in your relationship. It is literally impossible to grow closer to each other without growing closer to the Lord or vice versa when you are trying your best to include him in your relationship.

Grig is my best friend. We can talk about anything...and we do. We talk about animals, about books, about comic book characters, about family, and about the gospel. We are regular, nerdy geeks that half-way through a conversation about Superman suddenly alter it into a gospel-related conversation about Christ and family.

We are trying our best, and I cannot express to you how much we have been blessed because of it. We make stupid mistakes all the time, but we are working together to repent and become more like our Savior.

I'm so grateful to have Grig and Kevin in my life. They bring me so much joy, and the journey, though occasionally difficult, is amazing!

There you have an unusually sappy post from Emma Tank.

Please leave me your thoughts and similar experiences (unless they're too personal to share).

Caring Too Much

I was talking to Grig the other day about a part of myself that has always kind of been interesting to me.

I have a hard time getting close to people. The other day, when Kevin was really sick I was having horrible thoughts about waking up to find him not breathing. Most people would avoid thinking about it, but I have two parts of my brain. The logical part not only thinks about things like that, but asks the question, "What would you do?" When I get into that mindset, the emotional side of my brain shuts down and I am able to think of how events would unfold in a very practical way and how I would deal with it.

Later on, when the emotional side kicked back in, I was horrified at the thought and I wasn't able to sleep very good because I had to keep checking on him. He's fine and is no longer sick, but the way I reacted gave me food for thought.

My greatest recurring nightmare when I was growing up was my family dying and leaving me alone. I would wake up sobbing from dreams like that, and it would hurt a lot. I loved my family very deeply, but sometimes I subconsciously began to separate myself from them in preparation of the moment when they would leave me. This isn't necessarily healthy and makes me seem a bit distant at times. For a long time, I wondered why I didn't have more friends or why it didn't bother me so much when people moved away. I wondered what was wrong with me.

I finally realized that it isn't that I don't care about people. It is that I care too much. It is so painful for me to have someone leave my life that before it even begins happening, I start to emotionally separate from them.

When I was a kid, I once read a note that a girl had written about me. I thought we were pretty good friends, but one day, without meaning to, I glanced over and saw that she had something written in her notebook. I wasn't trying to pry, but I caught a glimpse of my name and I couldn't help myself. To another friend she had written: "Emma (meaning me) is such a jerk. She says mean things all the time and then says she's joking, but I know she's not."

That really hurt my feelings. It really hurt me that someone I thought loved me and understood me would not only misunderstand me, but then they would talk badly about me to another person I thought was my friend.

Granted, I was not a perfect child. I did make jokes and say I was kidding all the time. However, in our family, sometimes teasing is a sign of affection. I really was trying to be a good friend. When I said I was kidding, I REALLY was kidding. I tried to pick inoffensive things to tease people about, but evidently I wasn't doing a good job because I had hurt someone else's feeling. Which made me feel even worse.

That, and a few other betrayals of friendship, made me decide that I could be friends with myself. I like myself and understood myself. Myself and I could hang out and have a good time without other people. I didn't understand what had happened to all the other kids at my school. Some of them that I thought I was close to suddenly turned into different people. Only now do I realize they were all trying to figure out who they were and what they were becoming. It's a hard time for kids, but I needed someone who would love me no matter what and would appreciate the things that I did for them.

This can be a very useful mental ability. I know that if something were to happen to my family, this part of my brain would take over and I would be able to survive until I could recover emotionally. I just worry about the emotional recovery part.

On my mission, I had a companion that I knew was going to be transferred to another area. We were very close, and the thought of her leaving (albeit only a short distance away) was extremely painful for me. So, the logical part of my brain kicked in and told me that it would be easier if I just didn't care so much. Without meaning to, I began to withdraw from that friendship. She caught me at it, and we put a stop to it. We continue to be great friends to this day.


It took me years to pull my heart out of the box I had stuffed it into. College helped a lot, and the mission helped even more. I had the sacred experience on my mission of feeling a little bit of what Heavenly Father feels for his children. It was so powerful I felt like my  chest was going to explode with love, and I knew that was only a small portion of our Father's love. If Heavenly Father loves us all that much, why can't we love ourselves and each other?

I now have a best friend who loves me. He understands me better than anyone and tolerates my inadequacies while helping me improve. I can tell him anything and he listens without judgement. We are working together to be better people, and I'm so grateful that my Heavenly Father led me to my wonderful husband.

Sometimes, my heart still tries to pull back and separate myself from my family. It tries to protect me from being hurt, but I'm slowly learning how to let go of that fear. I want to be emotionally close to my husband and son, but if I allow the fear to pull me away I may not feel as much pain when we are separated, but I will also miss many joyous opportunities when we are together.

It's okay to feel pain. Pain helps you know that you are alive and have something to care about. Withdrawing from society or from those who love you may shield you from that pain, but it is not worth the cost. Love is a wonderful feeling that can bring unbridled joy into your life. It can be risky, but we grow as we experience opposition. If I had never felt pain from betrayal, would I truly value the love that I have now?

I don't think so.

Caring too much is a good thing. Don't let people beat it out of you. You're going to find someone who can treasure all the love you can give and when that happens, you'll be glad you never gave up.

You Usually Get What You're Expecting....Unless You're Expecting Perfection

I had this set of images come into my head last night.

Two men were sitting in the brush in some foreign country.  They were watching some natives go about their business.  Both men were aware that the natives knew they were there, and they were trying to analyze what the natives were going to do next.

The first man said to the person with him, "They're going to attack!" He quickly pulled out the revolver and prepared himself.

The other man said, "They're friendly.  They won't hurt us." He then sat down by a tree and waited.

At that moment, the natives came through the bushes and attacked the man who had his revolver out.  He ended up being overwhelmed by numbers and killed.

The other man was slowly approached, and he and the natives quickly became friends.

In my mind, the natives had seen the man pull out his gun and deemed him a threat.  He caused his own expectations by preparing for them to be aggressive.

The other man had seen the good in the tribe.  He waited, and the people of the country decided he was not a threat.  His expectations were also fulfilled by his actions.

Why was I thinking about this?

When you meet someone new, a lot of times we decide they are going to be a certain way.  If a friend is introducing you to a new friend and they've told you all sorts of wonderful things about the person, you probably are going to have good expectations for this new friend.  If we are looking for the best in others, we are going to find good things about them.  It is easy to find a quality that you admire or love in another person if that is what you are expecting out of them. 

On the other hand, if the whole office has been gossiping negatively about the new kid, you are likely to have poor expectations when you meet them, and because none of us are perfect, it is also equally easy to find terrible qualities in every person we meet.

When Christ was on the earth, he knew that every person he met was a sinner, but he loved them all anyway.  He was able to past the sin and love the sinner.

This policy of looking for the best in others nearly always works, unless you are looking for perfection.

While I was on my mission for the LDS church, I had a companion who was dealing with some issues when she came to live with me.  She had kind of met me before, and had heard of me, and for some reason she thought that by living with me, all of her problems would be solved.  Things went great for about a week, until she realized that her problems weren't going away and I wasn't perfect.

Therefore, she decided that it must be my fault and she didn't like me anymore.

I loved her though, and that really bothered her.  She could be very hurtful and angry at times, and I couldn't understand why.  It took me a while, but finally I realized that the reason it upset her that I loved her was because she didn't like herself very much.  When you don't like yourself, it's hard to realize that others can love you.  It's also very hard to like others.

Since then, she has dealt wonderfully with the things that were bothering her and has matured into a beautiful, wonderful woman.  She was always wonderful, but I think she has really started to see that now.

Expect the best in others, but don't expect them to solve your problems or to be perfect.  I often find that when others annoy me, it's because they reflect a quality of myself that I don't like very much.  Once I figure that out, it's easy for me to put those petty annoyances aside and enjoy the person in front of me.  The golden rule still lives.  Treat others as you want to be treated.  If you want other to nitpick everything that's wrong with you, by all means, do it to everyone you meet.

However, if you want them to love you as God would, do the same for them.  I have felt a bit of his love that he feels for His children, and I can tell you that the feeling is overwhelming.

The Lord loves each of us more than we can possibly understand.  Life can be rough and bad things can happen, but everything that occurs if for our benefit.  As we grow and learn from each trial, we mature into the beautiful creature that God always intended for us to be.  I wrote a blog a while ago about why bad things happen to good people, if you want to read it, the link is right here.

One of my favorite sayings goes, "The Lord loves you just the way you are, but He loves you too much to let you stay that way."

The Lord can see the potential in each of us.  I pray that we can also see the potential in each other.  

Kevin fell asleep on Grig's shoulder.  Cute picture!

Try to feel the love that the Lord has for those around you, and I can promise that you will be astonished.  This world is full of wonderful people, including you!

For the Love of a Spoon

The other day I was at the store and I decided to get Kevin a sippy cup.  He had lost the only one he had, and I thought he might really like the cup.  However, as I was choosing with kind to get, I saw a collection of plastic baby spoon and forks.  I decided on a whim to buy them for him.

It's probably been the best gift I've ever bought my son.  He liked the legos, he liked the blocks, he liked the singing turtle, he liked the refrigerator magnets, but he never puts the spoons down.  He always has one in his fist wherever we go.  He falls asleep during naps, clutching one in his fist, and he wakes up still holding it.  If he does drop it, which occasionally happens, he quickly finds one of a different color to replace it.

It's really been cute.  It makes me happy I bought them for him.  However, he can only hold one at a time.  If I try to hand him two, he picks between them, and then lets one fall.    

This morning, Kevin and I took the dog out to go to the restroom.  When we got back inside, I noticed that Kevin was being really fussy.  That's when I noticed that his spoon was missing. I quickly retraced our steps and found it just outside our stairs on the cement.  I quickly brought it back in and washed it.

When I handed it back to him an instant grin spread over his face, and he again clutched his spoon in his fist.  He switched colors a few minutes ago, but he's still has a spoon in his grip.

Isn't it funny the things we get attached to? How many of us have possessions like Kevin that we just don't want to let go of?

For a lot of people, it might be their phones or computers.  How many people go to bed clutching their phones and wake up and check their messages first thing?

Kevin loves his spoon.  Chubby fist, huh?

For me, it's definitely my laptop.  Besides the fact that it contains all my books that I'm writing, it also has all of my pictures on it.  Those are the things I would miss the most if something happened to it.  I have it backed-up on an external hard-drive, but still, if there was a fire or something, I'd probably lose both.  I am attached to a physical possession as well.

Kevin's just starting early to take after his parents, I guess.

The Love of a Mother

My mother has made a lot of sacrifices for her children in her life, but this may be the greatest one I've seen yet.

Since I was small, my mother has never allowed pets (like cats or dogs) inside of her house unless they are sick or recently returned from surgery.  Then, they were allowed to stay in the playroom until they could walk straight. As soon as they recovered sufficiently they were sent outside.

We had other pets inside of the house, like gerbils, lizards, snakes, birds, and hedgehogs, and though my mother has tolerated these smaller pets that can't survive outside, she hasn't allowed larger pets in the house.

This week, we brought Dakota with us when we went to visit my mother.  We recently gave her a hair cut again and she's lost all of her undercoat since she's been living in the house, so her coat is too thin for her to be outside in the negative degree temperatures. We couldn't leave her at the apartment because Havelock has to work.

So, my mother has made maybe her greatest sacrifice ever.  She has allowed a dog inside of her home.  Dakota isn't allowed to come into the kitchen or dining room, but she can go into the playroom and downstairs to sleep with us in the bedroom.

Dakota has enjoyed being back.  She lived in the backyard for years at this house, and old habits die hard.  She has a hard time coming inside, and she still goes to the bathroom in the same corner of the yard, which means I have to trek through lots of snow to clean up after her, but it's okay.

Dakota has been very good.  I really appreciate the fact that my mother loves me enough for her to let us bring the dog inside.  She is a wonderful person who really cares about her children.  Due to her love, she sometimes allows things that otherwise would never occur.

My father's mother has made a similar sacrifice.  All growing up, they didn't have dogs in their home either.  However, when my aunt was grown, she got a little Shih Tzu.  His name is Teddy and he is a really sweet dog, but he wouldn't do so well out in the winter if he was left outside.  He is an indoor dog, and my grandmother has allowed him to come into her home because she loves her daughter.  I think she has come to love the dog as well, but it began with love for her child. 

Mothers are wonderful.  I hope I can be as selfless and giving as my mother. 

Thank you for letting Dakota in the house.

What are somethings your mother has done for you because she loves you?

Gratitude Week: Children

Today I'm grateful for children.

Often today, society has told us that we should do what we want to do first, and then after that, if you still have time, maybe have one child. 

I believe that is false.  Children are the greatest joy any person can have.  Kevin has brought some frustration, yes, but that is so miniscule compared to the blessings that have come from having him.  Children are a lot of work, but they are such a great joy.  I want to have vacations WITH my children, not FROM my children.

When Grig and I got married, we made the decision together to not wait to have children.  We prayed about it, and we believed that it was the right thing to do.  Every set of parents should make that decision between them and the Lord and do it when it feels right.  For us it was the right time, right away.  Kevin came just slightly over nine months after we were married. 

Things have worked out.  We had enough money to pay off our hospital bills completely, and we haven't really struggled since.  I know that was a blessing from God because we obeyed his commandment to 'multiply and replenish the earth.'  It is a commandment that has never been revoked. 

Kevin is such a joy.  He has a smile that just lights up my life.  He is so adventurous and happy.  Every day he learns new things, and sometimes I learn them with him. 

I have five wonderful, living nieces and a nephew.   Each of them is a joy to be around, and I am so happy that Kevin has wonderful cousins to play with. 

Grig and I would like more children, and we're letting it happen in the Lord's time.  Kevin will be a wonderful older brother.  He has a lot of love to give.  Sometimes, too much love for the dog and she has to go hide. 

He is intelligent and caring. He loves to make us laugh.  I'm pretty sure his purpose in this life is to bring joy to those around him.  I can't wait for him to grow up and for us to become friends, so I can get to know him as the incredible adult that he is going to be.  However, I am enjoying the time I have with him now and I don't want to miss a single moment. 

I have wanted to be a mother my whole life.  I got a college degree, but right now I am living my dream.  Kevin is all I could have hoped for, and I love him with all my heart. 

I understand that some people are unable to have children that desperately want them, and my heart breaks for these parents.  Know that we are thinking of you and praying that your dreams will come true as well. 

I'm grateful for children.  Teaching them is my profession and raising them is my dream.  Their innocence brings joy into my life, and I love the way the world becomes simple in their eyes.  May we all work to preserve their innocence and teach them to be responsible, hard-working, loving adults.

My little drummer boy

Puppies vs. Babies

Which is Better?

Lately, I've really been wanting to get a puppy.  

Really, like, a lot. 

However, though our housing situation would allow it, we currently we can't afford one.  Since puppies have been on my mind so much, I've been thinking about when I first gave birth to Kevin.  Afterward, my dad, who knows how much I like dogs, kept asking me the same question over and over.

"Isn't he much better than a puppy?"

Okay.  Obviously the answer is yes.  However for those of you who've never had a baby, I would like to tell you my reasons why.  Those of you who have had children, let me know your thoughts on the matter.

When I was in High School, one summer I decided to breed my dog and raise a litter of puppies.  It was a really good experience, and I really enjoyed it.  However, comparing that experience to my current situation of being a mother brings up some interesting differences and similarities. 

Yes, I did draw these pictures.

Newborns:

 

 

A Short Thought on Poop

Let's face it.  Newborn animals of any variety aren't very cute.  They come out all slimy and wrinkly, and generally have very little hair.  Newborn puppies are fairly easy for humans to take care of.  We just let the mom handle it.  However, newborn puppies are incapable of defecating on their own.  In order to keep the puppies alive and healthy, the mother dog has to lick them to stimulate their bowel movements.  Then, to add to that, she eats the puppy poo so that the smell won't attract predators.  As nasty as that seems to us, to a dog it's a natural part of being a mother. 

I'm really glad we don't have to do that.  A lot of people will complain about changing diapers, but after watching how animals take care of their babies' poop, diapers don't seem so bad.  Babies are also able to poop on their own as soon as they are born, which is an advantage in the evolutionary side of things.   Babies diapers are also not very stinky when they are newborns.  You have to change them pretty frequently, but it really isn't that much trouble and you get used to it quickly.  

Nursing

Nursing puppies is quite easy as well, if you're the human.  The mother dog usually does all the work again.  There is the rare situation when a human has to take over, and then it can be a major pain!  You have to get up and bottle feed the pups every two hours.  That can really cut into your sleep schedule.  Luckily, my dog Dakota was a fantastic mom.  She took great care of her pups.  She ended up having eight of them, and all of them survived until they went to their new homes.  Can you imagine having eight babies at one time?  I can't.  One is plenty thank you, and I'm still learning how to deal with one.

When someone first handed Kevin to me, I looked down and thought, "What do I do with this?" 

Don't get me wrong.  I've been around babies my entire life.  I have six younger siblings and I spent a lot of my teenaged years babysitting my siblings and other children.  I'm no novice when it comes to taking care of babies.  However, none of that even remotely prepared me for nursing my own baby.  It doesn't come entirely naturally.  However, once you and the baby figure it out, it is a rather peaceful thing.  There is a connection you feel with that baby that is unlike any other relationship I've ever had.  

When my dog had puppies, I felt proud and I loved them.  I took good care of them and I wanted them to have good homes.  However, the bond I have with my baby isn't even close to the same.  Grig and I made Kevin (with a lot of help from Heavenly Father).  He is our baby.  He is part of us and we are part of him.  I've loved my dogs, but the love I feel for Kevin transcends that love and makes it look trivial.  

Nursing has nurtured that bond as well.  I love putting him down for a nap and feeling connected to him.  Puppy-love just doesn't come close.

Infants:

Development

Babies change fast.  Even now, nine-months after Kevin was born, I can't believe how fast time has gone.  Everyday it seems like he learns something new.  He's already walking and running, and I some days I miss the little baby who would just lay on my chest.  Kevin only does that if he is asleep now or very, very tired.  Otherwise, he is constantly moving.  It's been a real treat to watch Kevin grow and learn.  We love showing him new things.  We really enjoy watching him try to understand this new world around him.  

However, as fast as babies grow, it's nothing compared to puppies.  At nine months, a puppy would be almost fully grown and well into his teenage months.  He would be awkward, gangly, and pushing his limits.  They are still cute, but sometimes by that point the cuteness is wearing off a bit.  Between eight and eighteen months is when the majority of puppies are given to shelters.  After that, they mature more and people can handle them again.  Before that, they are cute enough to get away with stuff.  Puppies are only puppies for a short time, and then they become dogs.  I think they're still cute, but a lot of people love that puppy stage and really miss it when it is gone.  

That's probably why so many people get tiny dogs.  They can keep pretending they are babies.  The problem is a tiny dog is still a dog.  If you treat a dog like a baby, they never learn discipline and think that they are in charge.  This causes a lot of bad behaviors that go unchecked because the dog is 'cute.' 

Which is why a great many people don't like small dogs.  They often get away with everything because they're not a threat to people.  

Babies remain as babies for quite a while.  We have more time to teach them the things they need to know before they are considered adults.  Children and puppies take a great deal of patience, perseverance, discipline, and love.  However, dogs will never reach the development level of a human.  They will never be able to have deep conversations with us.  Children eventually will. 

Chewing

Kevin still has no teeth.  His cousin, who is a week younger, has four or five.  She actually has been known to leave little teeth marks in the furniture.  Babies in general however, don't chew on things nearly as much as puppies.  

I've never heard of someone coming home from work to find that their child had eaten their favorite shoe or hat.  Though someone in my family used to chew the fingers and toes off of our barbies, we never found the entire barbie digested.  

Puppies, however, will chew on everything.  Furniture, clothing, toys; you name it, they've eaten it.  That's one nice thing that you don't have to worry about as much when it comes to babies.

A Little More on Poop

When my dog had her puppies, at first it was easy to clean after them.  She took care of most of that.  Then, as they grew and developed, they began to defecate on their own.  Soon, I was the one who had to pick up after eight growing puppies.  It was a full-time job.  

Again, I'll take diapers over that any day.  Both baby poop and dog poop however gets stinkier as the owners get older.  That's part of life.

  Longevity

I think this will be the last thing I'll address in this blog.  Puppies are cute.  They take a lot of work, but when you take the time, it pays off into a wonderful dog.  However, the oldest living dog only lived to 29 and 1/2 years old.  That's pretty old for a dog.  However, for a beloved family member, that's not that long at all.  

Children (hopefully) will be around the rest of our lives and beyond.  They don't just bring joy and heartache, they also are the future of our families.  They pass on stories of us, our teachings, and our experiences.  They also bring grandchildren.  

Dogs bring happiness for a lifetime, but children bring happiness for an eternity.  They can continue to bring joy to others after we are gone.  

So, yes, Dad.  Children are better than puppies. 

At this point, my experience with having my own children has caught up with the present.  I could speculate on what will happen in the future, but until I go through those stages myself, I'll let other people tell me what it's like.  I've raised a puppy to adulthood, but I'm still on my first kid.  Eventually, Kevin will have a few puppies to grow up with him.  Every kid needs a dog.  It's an earth-rule.   

Hopefully Kevin will turn out well.  We'll do our best, and that's all we can do.  The rest is up to him.

Kevin is a Lady's Man

Ever since Kevin was first born, he has been a little lady's man.  As soon as he was socially aware, he would flirt with everyone he met.  When he was smaller, women would say hello to him, and he'd tuck his little chin in, give them a 'shy' smile, and bat his eyelashes.  It was pretty adorable.

Then, when Kevin was only a few months old, he met a little girl at church.  By his own instigation, (I didn't help or encourage in any way) he reached over and grabbed her hand.  She tried to get away, but he was determined to hang on.  Soon, he was trying to hold hands with every little girl he met.

Boys, on the other hand, were meant for wrestling.  Kevin is pretty gentle with babies who are smaller than him.  In fact, he has surprised me on more than one occasion where he is crawling toward a little baby, and I jumped up to stop him from attacking them.  However, instead of trying to claw out their eyes, he settled back on his rump and just sat watching them.

When the baby's bigger though, there are no rules.  Kevin thinks they can take it.  He climbs on top of them, pushes them, steals toys from them, and generally acts like a little boy.  He's not purposefully mean, and usually boys play right back.  Sometimes, he gets a little rough with older girls, but usually they win.

At my brother's wedding the other day, he and his new wife had their first dance, and then they invited everyone else to dance with them.  While Grig and I danced together, Kevin made the rounds with one single woman after another.  He had a great time, and he helped some nice ladies feel less lonely. 

Pretty good for an eight month old.

As Kevin nears nine months, it's hard to believe that he is growing up so fast.  My aunt made the comment that now he's been outside of my stomach as long as he was inside.  Weird!  Time seemed to pass so much slower when he was inside.  I know as he grows up, we're going to have to keep an eye on him.  He's cute, and he knows it.  We don't want him breaking too many hearts....

At least, not before he turns five.

In the Hands of the Lord

 

In church last week, they were talking about putting everything in the hands of the Lord.  A woman then related a story that reminded me of one of my own.  I wanted to share that story.

When I was pregnant with Kevin, I was very worried about him.  My sister had lost a baby in a tragic, yet sacred way, and my sister-in-law had experienced a miscarriage.  So, I was nearly constantly worried about the baby miscarrying.  More than anything, I wanted to have children, and the thought that I would not be able to hold my baby in my arms was almost more than I could bear.

So, I asked my husband to give me a blessing.  As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we believe that Christ's authority has been restored to the Earth.  We believe that there is a proper line of authority which came straight from Christ himself and can only be passed on by one who has the authority from God to do so.  Through the grace and kindness of God, that has now been made available to every worthy man in the church. My husband has the priesthood (or this authority).  So, when he laid his hands on my head to give me a blessing of comfort, I knew that he wasn't speaking with his own voice, but the voice of the Lord.

The blessing he gave me was not what I wanted, but it was what I needed.  The Lord didn't tell me that the baby would be okay.  He didn't tell me that the pregnancy would go off without a hitch.  Instead, he told me that He loved the baby and that the He was mindful of us.  I felt the peace of the spirit fill me, and I was comforted.  I realized that even if the baby did die, he would be in the Lord's hands, and everything would be okay.  I simply needed to trust in the Lord.  Thanks to the covenants that I have made in the temple, even if the baby did die, he would still be mine forever as long as I lived righteously and kept my covenants with God.  It was very comforting to turn over my fear to the Lord.

Kevin was born just fine (though the actual birthing process had a few complications which I may talk about later.)  He is an adorable boy, and I love him more than I ever thought possible.  Sometimes I still worry a bit for him, but then I am reminded of what the Lord told me.  Regardless of what happens in this life, if we trust in the Lord it will all work for our good.  My children (present and future) are safe in the hands of the Lord.

Swimming with Kevin

 Yesterday, we had a birthday party for my Uncle.  We enjoyed a nice swim at the local water park.  Kevin loves water.  It wasn't super warm, but he enjoyed swimming in it for a couple hours until he started to get cold. 
Grig's brother has been living with us, and he and Kevin get along great.  So, for part of the party Grig and I went down the water slides while Kevin enjoyed being with his uncle.  There were two slides.  One was very curvy and longer, and at first Grig and I wanted to slide down that one because we thought the other slide was just for kids.  However, when we got to the top, it turned out that all the kids were on the curvy slide, and the straight slide had only older kids on it.

So, after we went down once, and found out that the curvy slide was pretty slow, we went and grabbed Kevin and took him down a couple times.  He was really cute.  His hair was sticking up in all directions, and a few of the kids on the slide to a fancy to him.  One little boy called him 'fluffy-head' and patted him on the head.  Kevin loved it!  He loves other kids.

Then, we handed Kevin back to his uncle, and went down the straight slide.  It wasn't until I'd launched myself that I realized what I'd gotten into.  The straight slide was straight...with a 20 foot sheer drop.  I ended up screaming on the way down.  It was great!

So, we did it again.  Of course, we didn't bring Kevin on that one, and soon after he got cold so we had to leave for the dinner party.  We had a great time!