Why Do We Fear the Homeless?

The situation:

You are walking toward a corner where you know a homeless person is standing.  They are holding a sign.  As you approach, you wonder frantically how you should handle the situation.  Should you just ignore them?  Avert your eyes?  Or should you give them something?  The feelings of dread and uncertainty fill you.  What should you do?

Nine times out of ten, people probably just avert their eyes and keep on walking.  To be honest, I feel really bad doing this, but I often do it too.

Why is it that we are so scared of homeless people?  What is it that makes us avoid them like plague-victims?

I've been thinking about this lately.

The other day, I was walking home from Wal-mart with my baby on my shoulder.  Ahead on the corner, was a man holding a sign that said, "Fallen upon hard times, please help."  I didn't have anything to give him and so I was a little nervous about what he would do or say as I approached.  I was carrying Kevin, and as I approached I was balancing on the curb edge, because there wasn't a sidewalk.

As I approached the man, he said to me, "You have good balance." 

I smiled as him and said, "Thank you."  Then, Kevin waved at him, and we continued on after telling him to have a good day.

I was a little bit surprised.  He was a really nice, funny man.  I think that sometimes we forget that.  I certainly did.   

Grig is really good about wanting to help those in need.  When we were leaving a different Wal-mart another day, there was a lady with a sign that said, "Diabetic, just lost my job."  We had an extra loaf of bread, and so we gave it to her.  She seemed really grateful.

 On my mission in Texas, we often would see homeless people on the highway corners by the stoplights.  If we had extra food, we would offer it to them.  We sure didn't have money.  I, and Grig, have always tried to make it a policy to never give money to homeless people.  If they won't accept food, they're really not that desperate.  I have seen people claiming to be in need of help, that throw food back at people who offered it to them.  They just want money.

Yesterday, my youngest brother and I were walking around a city, and we had to pass a corner where a lady was standing with a sign several times.  Every time, my brother would move to my side as far from the lady as possible.  Then, he expressed fear when we would have to go in that direction.  It set me to thinking about why we have such a fearful stigma.  This is what I decided.

1- They sometimes look dirty or scary  

I think this might be why my brother was so frightened of them.  Their appearance is usually unkempt, and they don't usually look very happy.  There is a good reason for this.  Those who are actually homeless don't have very much access to showers.  However, I have heard of some scammers who apply makeup and old clothes to help instigate the 'pity vibe'.  This is where people feel sorry for them because they look so terrible.   So, this one can cause fear or pity.

2- We're afraid they'll ask us for money or we feel bad, but don't know how to help

This is often the one that I feel the most.  A lot of times, we don't have money to give, or we're afraid that they're scammers or drug-addicts.  Either way, we don't want to give them money if they don't really need it.  That's why food is such a good option.  If they really need it, it's a way you can help without possibly contributing to another problem for them.  It also helps illuminate the ones who aren't really in need of assistance.  

If I don't have food on me, I feel bad about it, and I still want to help.  However, because I have no way to do so, I don't want to look at them or have them focus on me.   Therefore aversion is a common solution.  If I don't look at them, they won't notice me not looking at them.

I think this is the worse thing we can do.  They are still people, and a smile can go a long way.  I try to always tell them to have a good day and smile at them.  However, there is the risk that they will think I'm mocking them, and that worries me too.  Mostly, I just try to treat them as human beings.

3- We are afraid of becoming like them

I think this might be the deep-set reason in most of us.  When we see the people on the street, on some level, we might fear that eventually we'll become like that.  They probably had jobs at one time, families, and everything was probably going great.  Then, suddenly they lost their job, their family broke up, and they're on the street.  It could happen to anyone.  I think sometimes we see the homeless, and we see a future that we don't even want to consider.

And perhaps, that's the real reason they scare us so much. 

So, smile at them.  Give where you can, but be careful.  Try to avoid money.  Serving at a food bank or a similar place is a much better option than handing out money on the street.  Sometimes I wish I could offer them all jobs, but I don't have the means to do so.  Generally, they're very nice people.  If we give them a chance, they can surprise us. 

Our First Video Blog!

Our first video blog (vlog) is up!  Please follow the link below.  If you enjoy it, please like and subscribe to our youtube channel.  We will have a new vlog up every week at noon EST.  Thanks for your support!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QhArn3yFgFw

Scary Movies Forget the Most Important Thing

Last night, I had a bad dream.  In my dream, there was a little girl spirit who was evil.  In her life she had murdered four people, including her brother.  She was somewhat safe when she was in the form of a girl, but when she got upset, she would gain all the powers of darkness and attack us.  It was a rather intense dream. 

When I woke up, I was a bit scared, so I began to pray.  That's when the realization hit me.  Why hadn't I done that in the dream?

In horror films, we are so often presented with ghosts and demons, that we don't think about the other side of the coin.  If ghosts and demons are real, doesn't that mean that God is real too? 

As I continued this thought process, I realized that in almost all of the scary movies I had seen that the hero or heroine generally tries to defeat the 'monster' by themselves.  They try to use flesh to overcome their adversary. 

Man is a lot of things, but we are not necessarily light.  We all have both light and darkness to our personalities.  We can only be influenced by dark if we choose to allow darkness into our lives, but the only thing that will truly dispel darkness is light.

Wouldn't horror movies be different if the next time the hero was attacked by an evil spirit, they got down on their knees and prayed for divine protection? 

Part of the reason that scary movies frighten us so much is because they deal with the supernatural, with things that we don't understand and can't fight.  However, we can fight them.  The Adversary only has as much power as we give him.  Light always trumps darkness, and God is stronger than any other power. 

That doesn't mean those powers aren't real.  They are as real as God himself.  However, we have the choice to embrace them or deny them.  If we turn to God, He will give us the power to overcome our trials, tribulations, and temptations.  He will help us when we are frightened and scared. 

One of the most interesting scary movies I've ever watched was The Exorcism of Emily Rose.  It made a lasting impact on my mind.  I haven't seen it since 2005, but I remember that it was a deeply religious movie, and very different from any other film that I had even seen.  Instead of just having shocking and frightening scenes, it delved into the fact that if the Devil is real, then so is God. 

It compared psychosis and epilepsy to demonic possession and posed the question, "Does demonic possession exist, and is it often misdiagnosed as a mental illness?"  I have actually wondered this question myself as I read through the New Testament.  Anyway, in terms of the movie, I think it actually had a very nice, spiritual ending.  It left a good impression on my mind.  I didn't agree with everything that was said, but the intention was good.

In our own lives, we often try to be that hero or heroine that takes on darkness by ourselves.  We think that we are strong enough to stand alone and overcome whatever life can throw at us.  Again I say, the only thing that dispels darkness is light.  The only thing strong enough to overcome the world is our Savior, Jesus Christ.  If we don't turn to him for protection and power, we won't be strong enough to resist the evils of this life. 

These are the thoughts that my dream brought this morning.  I found them interesting, but they also bring up another question.

Do I think too much?  Probably. 

Fashion is Stupid

When I was a kid, I was one of the most awkward things you will ever see.  I had huge glasses that covered half my face, and they were as thick as coke bottles.  I always, except maybe on school picture day, wore my hair in a pony tail.  I wore sweat pants to school, usually of the hot pink or hot orange variety, and I loved baggy t-shirts (that usually clashed with the pants.) 

When I got to Junior High, my father told me that I couldn't wear sweat pants to school anymore.  I was a bit upset.  They were really comfortable!  However, I honored my father's wishes, and to my surprise discovered that jeans could be quite comfortable too, if you could find a pair that actually fit.  I still wore t-shirts, but it's much harder to clash with jeans.  In my eighth grade year, I received contacts, and suddenly I didn't look so bad. 

I've really never cared about fashion.  If someone asked me what the popular trend in clothing is right now, I'd tell you that I really couldn't care.  I'm now in my mid-20's.  I still wear my hair in a ponytail nearly every day.  Due to my c-section, I still have to wear comfortable, stretchy pants because I can't fit into my jeans.  I still prefer t-shirts, and I don't really care if they make me look like a huge pillow.  My personal appearance has never really mattered to me.

However, I do try to make more of an effort to look nice.  I have a friend from South Africa who changed the way that I take care of myself.  She is a really good friend, and she as we were getting to know each other, I realized that she loved me even though I didn't try to look nice.  She, of course, is always gorgeous and wears adorable clothes that accentuate her beauty.  She loved me first, and because of that, I listened to her suggestions.  Just before I roomed with her, I made the decision to get bangs, which made me look less like a boy.  She taught me how to style them so that they looked decent. 

We would go on shopping trips, and she would help me find clothing that was comfortable and cute!  While we were rooming together, I ended up getting my ears pierced.  She helped me feel beautiful, and I did like it.

However, while she was teaching me the finer points of dressing myself, she was also teaching me something else.  She taught me that it still doesn't matter what the current trends are.  She wore what she wanted to wear.  She wore things that made her look good, and she had her own style.  She taught me that cute clothes are always cute, and you don't have to follow fashion in order to be beautiful and feel good about yourself. 

Fashion is always changing.  If you were to try to keep up, you'd bankrupt yourself.  Things that are fashionable don't look good with every body type.  Not everyone, in fact, very few people, look good in a bikini.  Find fashions that work for you.  I don't dress up very often still, but at least I know how to now. 

For me, it's best if the belly fabric is loose.  If it's too tight, it accentuates the wrong kinds of...rolls.  Ruffles don't hurt, and my friend told me to stay away from collared shirts.  My shoulders are too broad for them. 

The other thing that my friend taught me is don't dress up for other people.  Dress up to look good for yourself.  When you look good, you feel good.  She was right.  However, I don't mind looking good for my husband too.  My wonderful husband loves me regardless of what I'm wearing, and I'm grateful for that.  However, he does like it if I occasionally dress up. 

Basically, I guess I'm saying, don't follow fashion.  Things that they are trying to sell you are generally overpriced and don't always go well with different body types.  Find a style that works for you and stick with it.  Cheaper is better.  If it's on sale and it's cute, why not buy it if you have the money?  There are tons of cute clothes that aren't super expensive.  The fashion industry is just out to take your money.  That's why they change fashions so often. 

Heaven forbid we actually wear the same clothes more than once in our lives.

I've never understood fashion, and I probably never will, but thanks to my good friend I at least can make myself look good while staying within our budget.

Fashion is stupid, being beautiful isn't.  Be pretty for you, choose clothes that you like, and find your own style.  We're all unique, why not show it with our clothing?

Crazy Weight Loss Program! I Lost 10 lbs in a Month!

You're not going to believe this.  I didn't, when I heard about it, but this is a true story.  On my new weight loss program, I've lost over ten pounds in one month!  It's the simplest thing I've ever tried, and it works!

My career as a model had been going downhill.  My agent told me that if I didn't lose weight, I was going to only be used for commercials as Bertha the Blue Whale.  I found it very frustrating, and I was having a hard time feeling my inner beauty.

And don't mention those beach parties!  I just didn't feel comfortable strutting my stuff when other people were around.  Sure, if it was a rainy day and everyone else was inside, I didn't mind going out in my bathing suit, but I just couldn't handle it when others were watching.

Finally, though, I found a weight loss program that works for me!  I had heard about it on television, but I didn't believe it would really work.  A friend of mine was going through it, and she told me that if I would give it a try, I would really see results.

They call it the Starving College Student Plan (SCSP).  It's so simple.  Here's how it works:

You don't make very much money and you have a tight budget for groceries.

Sounds too good to be true, right?

Wrong!  I tried it and I saw crazy results!  Grig and I were on such a tight budget that we didn't have money to go out to eat.  It was hard at times, and I really missed fast food, but I can't deny the results. 

Also, we suddenly had to eat more vegetables because we had family who had their own gardens and were giving us free fruits and vegetables.  Our diets improved by 100%.  With all the fresh food and lack of high fat, I found myself feeling better than ever before!  We also began to use our meat sparingly because we couldn't afford to buy it very often either. 

On the SCSP, I didn't see instant results, but as I kept at it, I have begun to lose weight! 

The best part?  You don't even have to be a college student to use this plan.  Simply eat more fruits and vegetables, eat out less often, and eat meat sparingly. 

Oh, yeah.  I forgot one last part.  We also have been trying to exercise more.  A walk here, a jog there, it's not much but it sure adds up!

A healthy diet and a little exercise go a long way.  The SCSP worked for me, and it can work for you too!  Call this number to begin your free trial:

(555) Tnk-Ifny

And yes, I do think I'm hilarious.

(As a side note, I haven't lost as much weight on this plan as I did the Nine-Month-and-a-Baby-Plan (NMAABP), but that plan doesn't work for everyone, so I recommend this one instead.  Though, you do get to lose all the weight in one day, the SCSP doesn't requires you to gain a bunch of weight first before you can lose it.  Plus, those stretch marks are torture!)

:)

Early to Bed, Early to Rise...Actually Isn't So Bad

Me, as a night-owl.

 Anyone who has ever lived with me can tell you, I'm not really a morning person.

When I was a kid, my siblings never wanted to be the one to come wake me up.  If someone disturbed my sleep (unless it was Dad or Mom) I was wrath unleashed!  I come up swinging, something I'm not very proud of.  Really, no one should have had to wake me up.  I should have been able to do it on my own.  The problem is that when I do sleep, I'm a very deep sleeper.

I've never really needed that much sleep.  When I was a baby, my parents would tell me stories about how I would only take one nap a day, and a very short, trying nap at that.  My mom likes to tell me about how she would walk around for over an hour trying to get me to fall asleep.  Finally, I would drift off.  She would try to lay me down, and I would wake up re-energized!  My short nap was sufficient.  At least I slept well at night.

As I grew older, it was literally impossible for me to over-sleep.  I remember coming upstairs crying on numerous occasions because I had been laying in bed for hours and I just couldn't fall alseep.  That, along with several other factors, convinced me that it was better to just stay up reading.  I began to get less sleep, and then falling asleep became much easier.  I also became more of a night-owl.  It only got worse in college.

In my first two years of college, I averaged four hours of sleep a night.  Crazy, huh?  That means sometimes I got around two and sometimes around six.  I actually did quite well on that, except for the occasional class that I slept through.

During my mission, I got on a better schedule.  As a missionary, you are required to go to bed at 10:30 p.m. and wake up at 6:30 a.m.  I would go to bed, but I couldn't always fall asleep.  Sometimes I'd lay there for a few hours before I'd drift off.  Even exhausted from working all day, sleep sometimes is a challenge.

When I finished my mission, I got right back to my old sleep schedule.  In college for a while, I was the last one to sleep and the first one awake.  My attempts to help myself go to sleep earlier included always having a 7:45 a.m. class.  That way, I would usually go to bed at least by 2:00 a.m.

With my first year of marriage, things were slightly better.  Unfortunately, Grig is also a night-owl, and often we would stay up late together.  Sometimes, on a really bad night, we would fall asleep around 4:00 a.m.  However, we tried to set goals to go bed by midnight.

After we had Kevin, we did begin to go to bed around midnight.  Kevin however, also seems to require a little less sleep than most babies (but not as little as me, thank goodness).  He's always been a good night sleeper, but he would stay up until midnight with us,and then wake up around 8:30.  It worked for a while.

Then, Grig got a new job.  His job begins at either 4 or 5:00 in the morning.  That means I have to wake up at 3 or 4 a.m. in order to make him breakfast.  (This is an entirely voluntary thing.  Grig has told me on numerous occasions that I don't actually have to do that, but I like being able to see him in the morning, and it helps him get to work on time if I help make breakfast and lunch.) 

We are now going to bed anytime from 8-9:30.  That's the earliest I've ever gone to bed in my life.  We consistently go to bed early and wake up early.  Strangely, I'm beginning to realize that I like it.

All my life, I thought people were crazy for getting up this early.  Right now, it's 4:27 a.m. and I'm blogging.  Kevin is asleep and I'm all alone.  It's quiet outside and even the crickets are sleeping.  I have time to think and relax before the day begins.

Occasionally, I go back to bed after Grig leaves, but usually I try to stay up and I'm finding that I enjoy waking up early more each morning.  Sometimes on weekends, when Grig doesn't have work, he and I revert to our old habits.

However, we are both finding that Early to Bed and Early to Rise really isn't such a bad thing after all.

Go figure.

Puppies vs. Babies

Which is Better?

Lately, I've really been wanting to get a puppy.  

Really, like, a lot. 

However, though our housing situation would allow it, we currently we can't afford one.  Since puppies have been on my mind so much, I've been thinking about when I first gave birth to Kevin.  Afterward, my dad, who knows how much I like dogs, kept asking me the same question over and over.

"Isn't he much better than a puppy?"

Okay.  Obviously the answer is yes.  However for those of you who've never had a baby, I would like to tell you my reasons why.  Those of you who have had children, let me know your thoughts on the matter.

When I was in High School, one summer I decided to breed my dog and raise a litter of puppies.  It was a really good experience, and I really enjoyed it.  However, comparing that experience to my current situation of being a mother brings up some interesting differences and similarities. 

Yes, I did draw these pictures.

Newborns:

 

 

A Short Thought on Poop

Let's face it.  Newborn animals of any variety aren't very cute.  They come out all slimy and wrinkly, and generally have very little hair.  Newborn puppies are fairly easy for humans to take care of.  We just let the mom handle it.  However, newborn puppies are incapable of defecating on their own.  In order to keep the puppies alive and healthy, the mother dog has to lick them to stimulate their bowel movements.  Then, to add to that, she eats the puppy poo so that the smell won't attract predators.  As nasty as that seems to us, to a dog it's a natural part of being a mother. 

I'm really glad we don't have to do that.  A lot of people will complain about changing diapers, but after watching how animals take care of their babies' poop, diapers don't seem so bad.  Babies are also able to poop on their own as soon as they are born, which is an advantage in the evolutionary side of things.   Babies diapers are also not very stinky when they are newborns.  You have to change them pretty frequently, but it really isn't that much trouble and you get used to it quickly.  

Nursing

Nursing puppies is quite easy as well, if you're the human.  The mother dog usually does all the work again.  There is the rare situation when a human has to take over, and then it can be a major pain!  You have to get up and bottle feed the pups every two hours.  That can really cut into your sleep schedule.  Luckily, my dog Dakota was a fantastic mom.  She took great care of her pups.  She ended up having eight of them, and all of them survived until they went to their new homes.  Can you imagine having eight babies at one time?  I can't.  One is plenty thank you, and I'm still learning how to deal with one.

When someone first handed Kevin to me, I looked down and thought, "What do I do with this?" 

Don't get me wrong.  I've been around babies my entire life.  I have six younger siblings and I spent a lot of my teenaged years babysitting my siblings and other children.  I'm no novice when it comes to taking care of babies.  However, none of that even remotely prepared me for nursing my own baby.  It doesn't come entirely naturally.  However, once you and the baby figure it out, it is a rather peaceful thing.  There is a connection you feel with that baby that is unlike any other relationship I've ever had.  

When my dog had puppies, I felt proud and I loved them.  I took good care of them and I wanted them to have good homes.  However, the bond I have with my baby isn't even close to the same.  Grig and I made Kevin (with a lot of help from Heavenly Father).  He is our baby.  He is part of us and we are part of him.  I've loved my dogs, but the love I feel for Kevin transcends that love and makes it look trivial.  

Nursing has nurtured that bond as well.  I love putting him down for a nap and feeling connected to him.  Puppy-love just doesn't come close.

Infants:

Development

Babies change fast.  Even now, nine-months after Kevin was born, I can't believe how fast time has gone.  Everyday it seems like he learns something new.  He's already walking and running, and I some days I miss the little baby who would just lay on my chest.  Kevin only does that if he is asleep now or very, very tired.  Otherwise, he is constantly moving.  It's been a real treat to watch Kevin grow and learn.  We love showing him new things.  We really enjoy watching him try to understand this new world around him.  

However, as fast as babies grow, it's nothing compared to puppies.  At nine months, a puppy would be almost fully grown and well into his teenage months.  He would be awkward, gangly, and pushing his limits.  They are still cute, but sometimes by that point the cuteness is wearing off a bit.  Between eight and eighteen months is when the majority of puppies are given to shelters.  After that, they mature more and people can handle them again.  Before that, they are cute enough to get away with stuff.  Puppies are only puppies for a short time, and then they become dogs.  I think they're still cute, but a lot of people love that puppy stage and really miss it when it is gone.  

That's probably why so many people get tiny dogs.  They can keep pretending they are babies.  The problem is a tiny dog is still a dog.  If you treat a dog like a baby, they never learn discipline and think that they are in charge.  This causes a lot of bad behaviors that go unchecked because the dog is 'cute.' 

Which is why a great many people don't like small dogs.  They often get away with everything because they're not a threat to people.  

Babies remain as babies for quite a while.  We have more time to teach them the things they need to know before they are considered adults.  Children and puppies take a great deal of patience, perseverance, discipline, and love.  However, dogs will never reach the development level of a human.  They will never be able to have deep conversations with us.  Children eventually will. 

Chewing

Kevin still has no teeth.  His cousin, who is a week younger, has four or five.  She actually has been known to leave little teeth marks in the furniture.  Babies in general however, don't chew on things nearly as much as puppies.  

I've never heard of someone coming home from work to find that their child had eaten their favorite shoe or hat.  Though someone in my family used to chew the fingers and toes off of our barbies, we never found the entire barbie digested.  

Puppies, however, will chew on everything.  Furniture, clothing, toys; you name it, they've eaten it.  That's one nice thing that you don't have to worry about as much when it comes to babies.

A Little More on Poop

When my dog had her puppies, at first it was easy to clean after them.  She took care of most of that.  Then, as they grew and developed, they began to defecate on their own.  Soon, I was the one who had to pick up after eight growing puppies.  It was a full-time job.  

Again, I'll take diapers over that any day.  Both baby poop and dog poop however gets stinkier as the owners get older.  That's part of life.

  Longevity

I think this will be the last thing I'll address in this blog.  Puppies are cute.  They take a lot of work, but when you take the time, it pays off into a wonderful dog.  However, the oldest living dog only lived to 29 and 1/2 years old.  That's pretty old for a dog.  However, for a beloved family member, that's not that long at all.  

Children (hopefully) will be around the rest of our lives and beyond.  They don't just bring joy and heartache, they also are the future of our families.  They pass on stories of us, our teachings, and our experiences.  They also bring grandchildren.  

Dogs bring happiness for a lifetime, but children bring happiness for an eternity.  They can continue to bring joy to others after we are gone.  

So, yes, Dad.  Children are better than puppies. 

At this point, my experience with having my own children has caught up with the present.  I could speculate on what will happen in the future, but until I go through those stages myself, I'll let other people tell me what it's like.  I've raised a puppy to adulthood, but I'm still on my first kid.  Eventually, Kevin will have a few puppies to grow up with him.  Every kid needs a dog.  It's an earth-rule.   

Hopefully Kevin will turn out well.  We'll do our best, and that's all we can do.  The rest is up to him.

Giving Blood and Saving Snails

Yesterday was an interesting day.

It started off with Kevin and I going with my aunt to play floor hockey.  I am trying to exercise more this week, so her invitation to accompany her was very welcome.  At first, Kevin did just fine.  Two of my aunt's kids were there, so I thought he would be enjoying himself while we played.  He usually is a very happy kid, especially when there are other kids around.

Unfortunately, someone brought Bambi, and soon all the kids were watching it...all the kids, that is, except Kevin.  He doesn't really appreciate tv.  We'd only played a few minutes when Kevin began to cry.  The fact the other kids abandoned him was probably compounded by the small amount of sleep that he had been allowing himself the last few days.  We're not sure exactly what's been going on, but I've been pretty tired.

Anyway, Kevin began to cry.  I tried to distract him, but it didn't work.  So finally, I said, "Come play with me."  I hoisted him into my left arm, and put the hockey stick in my right arm.  Luckily, I'm pretty strong, so I could still hit the ball pretty well.  Kevin and I played goalie and we played hard.  He seemed to enjoy it, except when everyone was running toward us, and he'd let out this little terrified shriek.  I'm not sure if it was fear or excitement, but when I looked at him, he looked fine.

We played that way for a while, and then they turned off Bambi so the other kids would play with him.  Again, he was distracted for a few minutes while I began to play harder.  One of the women said, "Oh, you're a runner," as I charged after the ball.  The distractions only worked for a moment though.  Kevin began to wail again.  He was tired and hungry, and every time he heard the sticks hit the floor, he knew he was missing out on fun.  So, I fed him, and then he ended up playing goalie with me again.  I got a pretty good workout.  I'm kind of sore today.  I've still got it though.  Half-way through my aunt told me that I frightened her.  Especially when I was holding the baby.

Heh.

Then, after Grig got home from work, we went and donated blood.  I always do really well with it.  I've got good veins and a great constitution.  I was a little worried because I'm still nursing Kevin, but I did just fine.  Kevin sure enjoyed himself.  He got the sugary treats and attention as he walked around the place.  Every time we go out, people ask, "How old is he?"   When we tell them 9 months, they usually say, "Wow!  He's doing really well."

We know.  It's because he's batman.

Anywho.

Then, we had to go drop off the car at Havelock's workplace.  He would then drive it home at 10:30 p.m. after he got done with his job.  Grig, Kevin, and I took the bus.  (Havelock would take it, but it stops its route at 8:30).  The bus was kind of fun, but the combination of donating blood and driving home took way long.  We didn't get home until 7:15.  We still had to eat, shower, send an important e-mail, and save a snail.  Not necessarily in that order.  Grig was supposed to get up at 2:50 a.m. this morning.  We didn't get to bed until 10:30 p.m.  It's going to be a long day for my poor husband. 

The snail was quite grateful, though.  And hungry.  It ate quite a bit of Swiss chard.

On a final note, I'm sorry for those of you who are waiting for out next video.  I know it's three days late.  It's been kind of crazy.  It's almost ready, I'm just waiting for some voice-acting from Grig.

Also, I have a question for my readers.  I'm thinking about blogging Monday through Friday, and putting up a vlog (video blog) on Saturday.  Would anyone be interested in us doing that?  I think it might be kind of fun, though more work for me.

Please let me know your thoughts.

TTFN.  Ta-ta for now.

Are Things Ever 'Just Right'?

 

Everyone knows the story of Goldilocks and the three bears.  One bowl of porridge was too hot, one was too cold, and one was just right.

However, in life, it seems that things are never 'just right'.  How many days of the year do we go outside and say, "Ah, the weather is just right today!"?  A few maybe, but not very many.

When I worked at a gas station, the most common complaint I would hear from people who were coming in during the summer was: "It's too hot!"  A few months later, during the winter people would come in and complain that it was now "Too cold!"  Very rarely did anyone say, "Ah, the weather is just right today.  I'm so glad that I went outside!"

I'm not exempt from this attitude either.  When we moved into our new apartment on the second floor, we found out that we didn't have air conditioning.  Luckily for us, heat rises, so it has been a very hot summer.  We bought a few fans and our bedroom has been livable, but it has been difficult.  Often our apartment is too hot, and we are constantly wishing that the fall months will come quickly.

However, just this week the weather took a turn for the cooler, and though I'm enjoying being outside in the cool weather, our bedroom has become too cold!  We've had to turn off the fan for fear of being frozen out!  Suddenly, I'm remembering why I like summer so much more than winter.  I HATE being cold!

I too often find myself saying things like: "When this happens, we'll be happy."  "When we graduate, things will be better."  "When we get a full-time job, things will be easier."

That isn't usually the case though.  When we do get those things, they usually come with their own version of trials, and things are equally, if not more, difficult.

A while ago, one of our leaders gave a talk that was called, "Finding Joy in the Journey."  Click on the link to read it, I'd highly recommend it.  It addressed the fact that we need to be happy wherever we are, and find things that are 'just right' right now.

So, here goes my list of 'just rights':

Right now, my husband's job is just right for us.
Right now, my baby is just the right age.
Right now, we have just hte right number of kids.
Right now, we have just the right number of pets.
Right now, we are living in just the right place.
Right now, we have just the right amount of money.
Right now, we are just right in our marriage.
Right now, I am just right in my relationship with our Lord.

That doesn't mean there isn't room for improvement in these things, but I know that as we are trying our best, we can enjoy where we are, even as we improve.

Take time out of your day.  Enjoy the little things.  Look around for small tender mercies from the Lord.  Admire the beauty of the clouds.  Enjoy having kids that mess up your house.  Enjoy having people to eat with that make dirty dishes.  Enjoy being loved by your family and friends.

Yes, things will change in time, but when they do, we can always find more things that are 'just right' with our lives.  As we do, we'll be happier now and less stressed about the future. 



What are some things in your life that are 'just right'?

A Little Poverty Never Hurt Anyone

Being poor isn't much fun.  When Grig and I moved recently, we were doing pretty well financially.  However, previous to this move, we had been blessed with an apartment that was owned by loving family, and they didn't require us to pay rent.

Thanks to their generosity, we had been able to save up a bit of money, and had reduced our college debt by quite a bit.  Before we moved we weren't rich, but we weren't really poor either.  We'd been able to pay all of our baby bills (which were pretty substantial considering that I had a c-section).

Since we've moved, however, we've joined the world of the grown ups.  Our money that we saved was mostly spent in those first few weeks when Grig wasn't working as many hours and he was signed up through a temp agency.  For a while, we didn't even know for sure that he was going to get the job full-time.  However, we had faith.  We knew this is where we were supposed to be.

We had decided to get a three bedroom apartment so that Grig's brother Havelock could come and stay with us.  It was decided that once he arrived and found a job, he would be able to help with the rent a bit.  The rent is a decent price for a three bedroom apartment, but it is still quite a bit of our income.  However, he couldn't find a job for a few weeks, so we've had to pay the rent on our own.  (As a side note, he found a job, and he starts today!) 

We've had to become very careful on how we deal with our money.  I created a budgeting system on Excel that works great for us, but with all of the finances we've had and a few surprise bills, our money nearly disappeared.  We couldn't buy groceries because we didn't have money for it.  We didn't have any furniture when we moved, and though we were able to buy a bed, we couldn't buy anything else.  We have been dirt poor, and it hasn't hurt us at all.

We've learned so many wonderful things because of it.  We budgeted our money before this, but never with the same caution that we do now.  We only buy what we absolutely NEED, and we're still working on discerning what groceries can wait until we have money.  We have given up a lot of things that we wanted for a later time when we can afford them.  Neither Grig nor I have credit cards, and aside from a (comparatively) small college debt that we are working on, we don't plan on ever going into debt.  We only want to buy things that we have saved up for and can afford. 

We've also been so blessed!  Every piece of furniture that we've really needed, someone has given us.  When we started, we had a tiny end table, a rocking chair, a lawn chair, a desk, and entertainment center (with no t.v.), a book shelf, a bed, and a tote that we use for a desk.  We didn't have a couch, a bed for Havelock, a table, or a microwave.  As the weeks have gone by and we've been trying to stay within our means, others have stepped in and given us furniture.  We've been so grateful as we've learned to rely on the Lord and on friends and family.

We've had enough, but no more.  As Havelock starts his new job and Grig continues to work, we should be able to begin saving again, and move past the poverty line.  It's been tough, but really, it's been okay.

A little poverty never hurt anyone.  It's only made us stronger as we've come closer to each other and to the Lord.

Are There Any Original Endings Left?

When I was going to college, I took a fiction writing class.  It was a lot of fun and I really enjoy writing, so it was kind of a treat.  At the time, I was considering changing my major to become an English major and so I was experimenting to see how I liked those kind of classes.

We would all write short stories and then we would take turns as a class reading each person's story and analyzing it.  You weren't allowed to talk when your story was being analyzed, but you could listen and see people's reaction to your story.  

I learned a lot in that class.  However, one thing sticks out in my memory.

At the class's beginning, everyone's stories were completely different.  Some weren't very well-written, true, but they were creative and original.  However, as the class progressed, I began to see something very interesting happen.  Trying to get a reaction out of their audience, characters in the stories began to die. It was a slow thing at first.  A character death here, someone's reaction to it there, but it spread through the class like a plague.

After two-thirds of the semester was over, everyone's stories were ending in death.  It was an incredible change.  Soon, it was a surprise if someone's story didn't end with someone dying.  Reading back on some of those short stories that I wrote during that time, I was a little surprised by how dark they were.  I don't think I would even think about writing some of them now.  

Finally, at one point, I wrote a story just to stir things up.  Out of all the stories I wrote that year, this one wasn't my favorite, but my teacher LOVED it.

Here's the story:

******

 The Truth About Age

    The old woman hobbles slowly down the path, a bag in one hand, a cane in the other.  Her legs are bowed and she is bent nearly double with pain as she makes her way to a small gate.  Her wrinkled face is creased with sadness and she stumbles now and again against rocks on the uneven path.  

    As she reaches the gate, she slowly lifts her weary head only to find a young man there.  He smiles gently and opens the gate for her.

    “Would you like me to take your bag?” he asks kindly.

    The old woman, surprised, is silent for a moment and then speaks in a voice worn with age, “I would be most grateful, young man.”

    He quickly takes her bag and extends an arm.  The age-old sadness begins to slip from her face as she gratefully takes the proffered hand.  Slowly, sorrowful wrinkles begin to transform into gentle laugh lines.  

    They walk in silence for several minutes.  Once they reach her destination, the young man graciously hold open the door.

    He nods his head to her slightly as she takes her bag back and he gently smiles a final time.

    “Have a good day,” he says, and disappears down the street.

    The woman, no longer bent with age, continues to smile as she walks into the store.  Energy seems to fill her small frame and she glides more quickly, only using her cane slightly.  Time slowly fades, and wrinkles are made smooth. 

******

It was a very positive and uplifting story.  I was trying to convey the message that as we help those around us, they can feel younger.  It was very different from the suicide and other depressing stories that we all were turning out at that point.  It was interesting to me to see the positive reaction to my story.  As humans, sometimes we're so busy trying to get an emotional reaction and trying to be stunning that we don't realize that we're stopped being stunning and have become the same.

When The Ring came out, most horror movies had happy endings, or at least resolutions.  However, since then, most scary movies seem to just be getting darker and creepier without resolution.  At the time, it was original, now my siblings don't even think its all that scary.

When Tolkien wrote Lord of the Rings, fantasy wasn't even a genre.  There was simply fiction and nonfiction. When The Hobbit came out, these stories were still being called Fairy Tales.  Now it seems that you can find elements of Tolkien's books in nearly every fantasy.

I enjoy it when books surprise me.  However, as I work at writing my own stories I wonder if they're too predictable.  Do my stories have events in it that are just intended for 'shock-value'?  Or do they have surprises that are surprising because we really couldn't see them coming?  The best authors even include clues, but the readers mind either misses those clues or assumes that they are leading to something else.

In our own lives, do we follow the crowd?  Are we inclined to do things for the shock value?  Or are we going to do uplifting and positive things that will surprise others because they are different from the way society is doing things.  Like the young man in my story, are we helping others to throw off their troubles or are we causing them more pain?

Are there any original endings left?  Yes.  However, it is up to each of us to find our own.  I can't live my life the same as any other person, and I shouldn't try.  I'm someone different.  I want to do what's right, and that means I have to find my own path.  Each of us has a completely different story from everyone else.  We have different backgrounds, different motivations, and different goals.  As we discover that story, we can choose whether we are a good or bad influence in the lives of those around us.  We can choose how we affect their stories.

And at the end, everyone will have their own original ending.  However, what happens and whose with us when the time comes is really up to each of us. 

Having the Missionaries Over for Dinner and My Meatloaf Recipe

Every time I add a picture that is not mine, I accompany it with a link to the original image.  Click on the picture to go there.

 Last night was an exciting night!  On Sunday, they passed around a sign-up sheet for anyone that wanted to feed the missionaries.  I was really excited.  It is my first time ever feeding them as a married couple.

When I was on my mission, I loved eating at members' homes.  They usually cooked us really extravagant dinners, because for them, it was a special occasion to feed the missionaries.  Unfortunately for the missionaries, when it is a special occasion every night, it becomes really difficult not to gain weight.  However, the food was always good, regardless of what culture it originated from, and in Texas there is a lot of different cultural backgrounds.  Sometimes people would take us out to eat as well, and that was a nice treat.

So, after I picked up the Sister Missionaries, I told them the ground-rules.

1- Don't eat anything you don't like

2- If you get full, don't feel the need to finish your food, we can doggie-bag it for you

That was basically it.  I just remember too many nights when I left stuffed to the gills, and spent the rest of the evening trying to walk off the delicious food.  One time we had salad for dinner, and that was a rare treat!

We ended up having rice with cream of mushroom gravy and meatloaf.  It is my own special recipe.  I think it's probably the best meatloaf I've ever eaten too.  The missionaries seemed to enjoy it.  In fact, the newer sister was being really polite, and cleaning up the dishes.  However, when I told them that there was another pan of meatloaf, she got really interested, and though she kept trying to tell me it was okay, I could tell that she wanted some more.  

So, I got her a paper plate (so that she wouldn't feel guilty about dirtying another one) and she happily ate some more.  

Here's my recipe for meatloaf, if you're interested.  The problem is, I kind of eye-ball stuff, so this is just a basic guideline.  I tried to write down the measurements based upon how much I put in, and it seems to turn out okay.  This is enough for one bread-pan.

Emma Tank's Meat Loaf Recipe: 

1 1/2 pounds of hamburger

1 cup oatmeal

¼ cup corn

1 cup chopped onion

1 egg

1 cup milk

1 tsp garlic salt

¼ tsp pepper

¼ cup barbeque sauce (or ketchup)

Topping:

¾ cup ketchup (or combo barbeque sauce and ketchup)

¾ cup brown sugar

1 tablespoon mustard

Combine all ingredients in a bowl.  Spray the bread pan with non-stick spray.  Put meatloaf in pan, press down to fill all edges.  Combine topping, pour on top of meatloaf.  Cover all surfaces.  Cook at 375 for 1 hour 25 minutes.

It turns out really good and moist.  Personally, I think the corn adds a lot. 

Anyway, it was a really nice evening.  Kevin showed off his walking, and while they shared a spiritual thought he kept walking back and forth between them.  He really liked them.  Afterward, they were going to walk to another appointment, but it cancelled, so I drove them to another place to do some service.  They seem like very good missionaries.  One was from Tonga and the other was from Wyoming. 

Having them over, reminded me a lot of my mission and how much I loved being a missionary for my Savior.  I have had very strong spiritual experiences since my mission, but there is no other calling in life like being a full-time missionary.  When you sacrifice everything in your life for an 18-month to a 2-year mission, the Lord blesses you in turn.  I can't explain how much I grew over that period of time.  I learned a lot about myself and how much the Lord loves every one of his children.  It doesn't matter where you live or what you are doing.  The Lord loves you.

One of my favorite sayings goes like this:

The Lord loves you just the way you are, but He loves you too much to let you stay that way.  

The Lord constantly is requiring us to grow and change for the better.  If I allowed my own son to only stay in kindergarten his whole life, he certainly would not grow into the man I know he is supposed to become.  The older grades may be tougher, and he may suffer because he has to learn harder things, but in the end Kevin will be better for it.  

I know the gospel is true and Christ is my Savior.  I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is God's church on Earth and He has set it up.  It is not a church of men, but of God.  

We pray for you, and keep you in our hearts. 

Reasons Why I'm Not a Fan of Harry Potter

Back when I was in 7th grade, a girl in my class came up to me and said, "Have you tried reading Harry Potter yet?  It's really good."  Being an avid reader, I was always willing to try new books.  So, I read it.

At the time, there were only three Harry Potter books written.  At first, I really enjoyed Harry Potter.  The books are well-written, the story line is fun and exciting, and the setting was foreign.  (Which is probably because its based off of the British school system.)  Though the idea of a magical school for children wasn't really original (Tamora Pierce had already written about quite a few, as had some other authors I was reading at the time), I was a fan of those kind of books and enjoyed them.  I really liked Harry too.  He was a good hero character.

When the fourth book came out, I read it as fast as my hands could get a hold of it.  It took me a day to finish it.  I liked that book too.  However, I began to see a pattern in Rowlings books that I didn't really like, though I could appreciate.

This is a completely personal preference, but you can argue with me if you want.  Rowling was notorious for having a twist at the end of every book.  However, by the second book, I had discovered that the twist was almost always the same, in a way that I didn't like.  I'm the kind of person who likes the main character.  I usually become the main character when I read, so I like someone who I can identify with, who is moral, and tries to do the right thing.  At this point, Harry had all those qualities.  However, I also like this protagonist to have the world hanging on their shoulders and to have the bad guys out to get them.  In other words, I like the story to center around the main character.

However, over and over in Harry Potter, it would appear to be about Harry.

*Spoilers ahead*

In the first book, it seemed like Snape was out to get Harry.  In the end, he just happened to get in the way of the bad guy's plot.  It had nothing to do with him at all.

In the second book, it appeared that someone was trying to set Harry up, but again, it was just innocent little Ginny being manipulated.

The third book was my favorite at first.  It appeared that the prisoner of Azkaban was trying to kill and take revenge on Harry, which is my absolute favorite plot sequence.  The whole book I remember thinking, "Don't be another twist, I like the way this is going!"  Unfortunately it was.  The prisoner was just after Ron's rat.

I was a little disappointed, but then the fourth book came out.  Really, that's probably still my favorite book!  I really enjoyed it, and I was really looking forward to the fifth one. 

Between the fourth and the fifth is when the movies began to come out.  Really, the acting was pretty horrible at first, but that didn't get me down.  The ever growing hype was beginning to though.  I had liked Harry Potter before it became a cult, so the fact that everyone was liking it didn't annoy me too much.

That is, until the 5th book came out.  Just as quickly as I devoured the fourth book, I consumed the fifth, and to my horror discovered that someone had turned Harry into a monster!  What had happened to the stalwart hero that I had learned to love?  Somewhere between the fourth and fifth book, Harry had become an obnoxious, angsty, shallow teenager!  To my horror, I found that I simply didn't like Harry the character anymore.  My love affair with Harry Potter began to find itself on shaky ground.

The madness of the fans pushed me over the edge. Like I told someone yesterday, if I am already unsure of how I feel about something and people began making too big of a deal about it, then usually I find myself disliking it.  I'm not a crowd follower, and I don't want to be one of many.  I enjoy being unique.  It would have been different if I still could love Harry, because I liked him first, but as the character deteriorated into self-pity, I found myself feeling less and less empathy for him.

In my opinion, heroes are meant to be strong and selfless.  They are meant to be as much like Christ as its possible for a human to be.  No, I don't like my book characters to be perfect.  They all need their flaws and their growing, but at the time I read Harry Potter Book 5, I WAS a teenager.  If I was going to be able to identify with Harry Potter as a teenager, it would have been when I was a teenager, right?

Yeah, that's what I thought, but I couldn't find common ground with the new Harry Potter, and the way that she treated her adults as well just made them all look incompetent.

I still read the 6th and 7th book, but it wasn't when they first came out.  I just read them whenever.  I watched all the movies (and couldn't stand Ron's actor), but I just had lost of lot of my Harry Potter fire.  The books just weren't what they had been either.  Harry grew up a bit, but to me, the books had lost a lot of their magic.

I'm not going to lie, J. K. Rowlings' world still fascinates me.  I've read some pretty neat crossovers where other main characters from other series went into Harry Potter's world and took Harry's place as the main character.  I still like Rowlings' world.  I just don't like Harry anymore.

We'll probably still own the books and possibly the movies, but they will never be my favorite.  I appreciate what they have done to help children learn to enjoy reading, but I like Peter and the Starcatchers and some other children's series much more.  The Harry series is still well-written and fun, but personally I'd rather read something else.

Baby's First Bloody Nose and Other Consequences

Why'd You Let Me Get a Bloody Nose?

At 9 months of age, most babies are crawling and just starting to pull themselves up to things.  Kevin, however, is now walking.  He doesn't even need any help standing up.  He can go from a sitting position to a standing in less than five seconds.

Though this makes his parents quite proud, it has also been a bit trying.  Now he can hurt himself even more frequently!  Usually, he does pretty good.  He knows how to catch himself with his hands when he falls forward, and he knows how to fall on his backside pretty well.  However, when he falls and things are in the way, he tends to get a few bumps and bruises.

Last night, he was walking around the living room and he walked up to our bookshelf.  He wanted to see the books that were on the bottom shelf, so he leaned forward, not realizing that the shelf above was just the right height to clock him in the face as he fell forward!

I saw him hit and I rushed over.  As I held him and he cried, he looked okay, but after a couple minutes, his nose began oozing a bit.  It never really bled too badly, but it kept oozing on and off the whole night.  I got blood on two different shirts.  He was pretty tough though.  He cried for about five minutes and then his daddy took him outside and he felt better.

I don't think there is any way to really stop kids from getting hurt, and maybe we shouldn't be concerned if they get a few bumps and bruises, but it sure is hard!  Grig and I have tried to let Kevin be a bit more independent.  When he falls, we usually don't rush over.  We wait and if he looks at us, we smile and clap for him.  This has made it so Kevin only cries when he's actually hurt.

As Kevin gets older, he will continue to make mistakes and choices.  Sometimes he will be hurt by the consequences of his own actions.  As parents, sometimes I think that we want to protect our children from these consequences.  We want them to have peaceful, carefree childhoods.  However, if we don't let children make mistakes and learn from them, how are we going to keep them from making even bigger mistakes later on?

During a parenting class one time, the speaker told a story.  He told us how he was at the fair one time with some friends of his and their son.  The boy came running up and asked his parents if he could buy a toy airplane that a vendor was selling.  The plane was very cheap and poorly put together.  Instead of telling their son no, however, the parents asked him if he could afford it.  The boy quickly counted his money and told them that he could.  The parents allowed him to buy the plane.

The man was concerned and asked the parents why they had allowed their son to spend money on such a junky toy.  The father explained that the son had earned that money, and after taxes, he got about 80 cents a week.  The toy had cost about $5.00.  The man was shocked that they boy was using that many weeks worth of allowance to buy a poor toy, and again he asked why they had allowed the boy to purchase the airplane.

The father explained that when he was in college, he had found a really nice car.  It was very expensive, but there wasn't much going on under the hood.  The exterior was quite fancy, and the father had bought the car.  When it broke a short time later, he lost a whole lot more than five dollars.  The father explained that they wanted their son to learn to be wise while he was young, so that he wouldn't make the same mistakes when he had more to lose.

A few minutes later, the boy came back crying because his plane had broken.  The parents didn't say, "We told you so..." or "Now do you see why..."  They didn't explain the lesson to him.  They simply held him and comforted him and allowed him to learn the lesson himself.

I really liked the example of these parents.  I want Kevin to make lots of mistakes now when I'm here to comfort and love him, and not after he's on his own.  I want to help him to learn to make good decisions because he wants to, and not because I want him to.  Grig and I feel the same.

So, Kevin might get a few bloody noses here and there, but he's learning.  And the more he learns, the less often his nose will bleed.