Havelock Moved Out and Other Updates

Kevin, saying goodbye to his cousin.

This weekend was one of some pretty big changes. One of my sisters moved across the country while my brother-in-law Havelock, who has been living with us for some time, moved into his own apartment.

On her way through, my sister stopped to say goodbye to us. Kevin enjoyed playing with his cousin for a little while. It was nice to see her before she and her family left.

 I avoided showing you her face because she's not my kid, and I don't have permission (yet) to show her on our blog. These are cute pictures anyway though.

Before we moved into our current apartment, we felt inspired to ask Havelock if he wanted to come live with us. He had been wanting to come to the west coast for some time, but hadn't had the opportunity. He accepted, and so we decided to get a three bedroom apartment.

Living with Havelock has been a great experience. He and he nephew are really good friends, and we all learned a lot from each other. Sometimes it was challenging to have someone else live with us, but it was definitely worth it.

As he prepared to leave, I experienced my first taste of what it's like to send your kids off to college. It's a little scary, because after they leave, they're kind of on their own. You just kind of have to trust in them and the Lord that they're going to be okay. I'd always kind of assumed parents couldn't wait to get their kids out of the house once they turned 18, but now I understand that letting your kids leave is also an exercise on faith.

Here's a picture of us with Havelock and our snake.

I'm sure Havelock will be just fine. All of us have matured since he came to live with us, and I think he's really enjoying the college life, even though he's not going to college. He's just learning to be independent. He felt like it was time to move out, and so he got his own apartment up on campus. Luckily, campus allows non-students to live in their apartments.

Dakota (our dog) was in a lot of pain Sunday night. I woke up to hear her panting at a million miles an hour. Thinking she needed to go outside, I took her out, but after we came in, she continued to pant. She calmed down a little bit, but a couple of house later I woke up to hear her breathing very quickly again. Grig took her out, (I was busy with Kevin), and he said he thought she was in pain from her arthritis because she didn't really need to go and she was hobbling down the stairs.

She laid down on the floor in obvious distress. So, after I finished feeding Kevin, I got off the bed and laid next to her. I proceeded to give her a full-body massage. As I worked on her sore muscles, her breathing slowed and she fell asleep.

She was able to sleep the rest of the night, but the next day, she was still very still and sore.

So...last night I gave her a bath. She's funny, because she doesn't like to get into the bathtub, but once she's in there, she'll relax and lay down in the water. I massaged soap into her fur and gave her another massage as she relaxed in the water.  When we finished, I dried her off and she was a completely different dog! She went running around the house and for the rest of the evening, she was relaxed. She didn't even pant. It was bizarre because she pants all the time, but she was so quiet that I had to keep looking around to find where she was.

I'm glad that helped her so much. We might need to look into getting her some pain meds. Poor girl. At almost 14 years old, she's starting to fall apart. I guess that's what happens when animals and people age. Grig and I are trying to decide if we should get another dog before she leaves us, or after. It's a hard decision to make, and hard to think about her dying at all.

We'll at least wait to think about it until after our trip back east this summer. We're going to be driving across the entire country to visit family. I'm pretty excited. I love road trips, though we're not sure if Kevin is going to. It's going to be at least 32 hours on the road.

Well, that's about it for now. It's been a crazy few days, and this week is looking to be equally crazy, but good!

Our First Video Blog!

Our first video blog (vlog) is up!  Please follow the link below.  If you enjoy it, please like and subscribe to our youtube channel.  We will have a new vlog up every week at noon EST.  Thanks for your support!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QhArn3yFgFw

Giving Blood and Saving Snails

Yesterday was an interesting day.

It started off with Kevin and I going with my aunt to play floor hockey.  I am trying to exercise more this week, so her invitation to accompany her was very welcome.  At first, Kevin did just fine.  Two of my aunt's kids were there, so I thought he would be enjoying himself while we played.  He usually is a very happy kid, especially when there are other kids around.

Unfortunately, someone brought Bambi, and soon all the kids were watching it...all the kids, that is, except Kevin.  He doesn't really appreciate tv.  We'd only played a few minutes when Kevin began to cry.  The fact the other kids abandoned him was probably compounded by the small amount of sleep that he had been allowing himself the last few days.  We're not sure exactly what's been going on, but I've been pretty tired.

Anyway, Kevin began to cry.  I tried to distract him, but it didn't work.  So finally, I said, "Come play with me."  I hoisted him into my left arm, and put the hockey stick in my right arm.  Luckily, I'm pretty strong, so I could still hit the ball pretty well.  Kevin and I played goalie and we played hard.  He seemed to enjoy it, except when everyone was running toward us, and he'd let out this little terrified shriek.  I'm not sure if it was fear or excitement, but when I looked at him, he looked fine.

We played that way for a while, and then they turned off Bambi so the other kids would play with him.  Again, he was distracted for a few minutes while I began to play harder.  One of the women said, "Oh, you're a runner," as I charged after the ball.  The distractions only worked for a moment though.  Kevin began to wail again.  He was tired and hungry, and every time he heard the sticks hit the floor, he knew he was missing out on fun.  So, I fed him, and then he ended up playing goalie with me again.  I got a pretty good workout.  I'm kind of sore today.  I've still got it though.  Half-way through my aunt told me that I frightened her.  Especially when I was holding the baby.

Heh.

Then, after Grig got home from work, we went and donated blood.  I always do really well with it.  I've got good veins and a great constitution.  I was a little worried because I'm still nursing Kevin, but I did just fine.  Kevin sure enjoyed himself.  He got the sugary treats and attention as he walked around the place.  Every time we go out, people ask, "How old is he?"   When we tell them 9 months, they usually say, "Wow!  He's doing really well."

We know.  It's because he's batman.

Anywho.

Then, we had to go drop off the car at Havelock's workplace.  He would then drive it home at 10:30 p.m. after he got done with his job.  Grig, Kevin, and I took the bus.  (Havelock would take it, but it stops its route at 8:30).  The bus was kind of fun, but the combination of donating blood and driving home took way long.  We didn't get home until 7:15.  We still had to eat, shower, send an important e-mail, and save a snail.  Not necessarily in that order.  Grig was supposed to get up at 2:50 a.m. this morning.  We didn't get to bed until 10:30 p.m.  It's going to be a long day for my poor husband. 

The snail was quite grateful, though.  And hungry.  It ate quite a bit of Swiss chard.

On a final note, I'm sorry for those of you who are waiting for out next video.  I know it's three days late.  It's been kind of crazy.  It's almost ready, I'm just waiting for some voice-acting from Grig.

Also, I have a question for my readers.  I'm thinking about blogging Monday through Friday, and putting up a vlog (video blog) on Saturday.  Would anyone be interested in us doing that?  I think it might be kind of fun, though more work for me.

Please let me know your thoughts.

TTFN.  Ta-ta for now.

A Little Poverty Never Hurt Anyone

Being poor isn't much fun.  When Grig and I moved recently, we were doing pretty well financially.  However, previous to this move, we had been blessed with an apartment that was owned by loving family, and they didn't require us to pay rent.

Thanks to their generosity, we had been able to save up a bit of money, and had reduced our college debt by quite a bit.  Before we moved we weren't rich, but we weren't really poor either.  We'd been able to pay all of our baby bills (which were pretty substantial considering that I had a c-section).

Since we've moved, however, we've joined the world of the grown ups.  Our money that we saved was mostly spent in those first few weeks when Grig wasn't working as many hours and he was signed up through a temp agency.  For a while, we didn't even know for sure that he was going to get the job full-time.  However, we had faith.  We knew this is where we were supposed to be.

We had decided to get a three bedroom apartment so that Grig's brother Havelock could come and stay with us.  It was decided that once he arrived and found a job, he would be able to help with the rent a bit.  The rent is a decent price for a three bedroom apartment, but it is still quite a bit of our income.  However, he couldn't find a job for a few weeks, so we've had to pay the rent on our own.  (As a side note, he found a job, and he starts today!) 

We've had to become very careful on how we deal with our money.  I created a budgeting system on Excel that works great for us, but with all of the finances we've had and a few surprise bills, our money nearly disappeared.  We couldn't buy groceries because we didn't have money for it.  We didn't have any furniture when we moved, and though we were able to buy a bed, we couldn't buy anything else.  We have been dirt poor, and it hasn't hurt us at all.

We've learned so many wonderful things because of it.  We budgeted our money before this, but never with the same caution that we do now.  We only buy what we absolutely NEED, and we're still working on discerning what groceries can wait until we have money.  We have given up a lot of things that we wanted for a later time when we can afford them.  Neither Grig nor I have credit cards, and aside from a (comparatively) small college debt that we are working on, we don't plan on ever going into debt.  We only want to buy things that we have saved up for and can afford. 

We've also been so blessed!  Every piece of furniture that we've really needed, someone has given us.  When we started, we had a tiny end table, a rocking chair, a lawn chair, a desk, and entertainment center (with no t.v.), a book shelf, a bed, and a tote that we use for a desk.  We didn't have a couch, a bed for Havelock, a table, or a microwave.  As the weeks have gone by and we've been trying to stay within our means, others have stepped in and given us furniture.  We've been so grateful as we've learned to rely on the Lord and on friends and family.

We've had enough, but no more.  As Havelock starts his new job and Grig continues to work, we should be able to begin saving again, and move past the poverty line.  It's been tough, but really, it's been okay.

A little poverty never hurt anyone.  It's only made us stronger as we've come closer to each other and to the Lord.

Having the Missionaries Over for Dinner and My Meatloaf Recipe

Every time I add a picture that is not mine, I accompany it with a link to the original image.  Click on the picture to go there.

 Last night was an exciting night!  On Sunday, they passed around a sign-up sheet for anyone that wanted to feed the missionaries.  I was really excited.  It is my first time ever feeding them as a married couple.

When I was on my mission, I loved eating at members' homes.  They usually cooked us really extravagant dinners, because for them, it was a special occasion to feed the missionaries.  Unfortunately for the missionaries, when it is a special occasion every night, it becomes really difficult not to gain weight.  However, the food was always good, regardless of what culture it originated from, and in Texas there is a lot of different cultural backgrounds.  Sometimes people would take us out to eat as well, and that was a nice treat.

So, after I picked up the Sister Missionaries, I told them the ground-rules.

1- Don't eat anything you don't like

2- If you get full, don't feel the need to finish your food, we can doggie-bag it for you

That was basically it.  I just remember too many nights when I left stuffed to the gills, and spent the rest of the evening trying to walk off the delicious food.  One time we had salad for dinner, and that was a rare treat!

We ended up having rice with cream of mushroom gravy and meatloaf.  It is my own special recipe.  I think it's probably the best meatloaf I've ever eaten too.  The missionaries seemed to enjoy it.  In fact, the newer sister was being really polite, and cleaning up the dishes.  However, when I told them that there was another pan of meatloaf, she got really interested, and though she kept trying to tell me it was okay, I could tell that she wanted some more.  

So, I got her a paper plate (so that she wouldn't feel guilty about dirtying another one) and she happily ate some more.  

Here's my recipe for meatloaf, if you're interested.  The problem is, I kind of eye-ball stuff, so this is just a basic guideline.  I tried to write down the measurements based upon how much I put in, and it seems to turn out okay.  This is enough for one bread-pan.

Emma Tank's Meat Loaf Recipe: 

1 1/2 pounds of hamburger

1 cup oatmeal

¼ cup corn

1 cup chopped onion

1 egg

1 cup milk

1 tsp garlic salt

¼ tsp pepper

¼ cup barbeque sauce (or ketchup)

Topping:

¾ cup ketchup (or combo barbeque sauce and ketchup)

¾ cup brown sugar

1 tablespoon mustard

Combine all ingredients in a bowl.  Spray the bread pan with non-stick spray.  Put meatloaf in pan, press down to fill all edges.  Combine topping, pour on top of meatloaf.  Cover all surfaces.  Cook at 375 for 1 hour 25 minutes.

It turns out really good and moist.  Personally, I think the corn adds a lot. 

Anyway, it was a really nice evening.  Kevin showed off his walking, and while they shared a spiritual thought he kept walking back and forth between them.  He really liked them.  Afterward, they were going to walk to another appointment, but it cancelled, so I drove them to another place to do some service.  They seem like very good missionaries.  One was from Tonga and the other was from Wyoming. 

Having them over, reminded me a lot of my mission and how much I loved being a missionary for my Savior.  I have had very strong spiritual experiences since my mission, but there is no other calling in life like being a full-time missionary.  When you sacrifice everything in your life for an 18-month to a 2-year mission, the Lord blesses you in turn.  I can't explain how much I grew over that period of time.  I learned a lot about myself and how much the Lord loves every one of his children.  It doesn't matter where you live or what you are doing.  The Lord loves you.

One of my favorite sayings goes like this:

The Lord loves you just the way you are, but He loves you too much to let you stay that way.  

The Lord constantly is requiring us to grow and change for the better.  If I allowed my own son to only stay in kindergarten his whole life, he certainly would not grow into the man I know he is supposed to become.  The older grades may be tougher, and he may suffer because he has to learn harder things, but in the end Kevin will be better for it.  

I know the gospel is true and Christ is my Savior.  I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is God's church on Earth and He has set it up.  It is not a church of men, but of God.  

We pray for you, and keep you in our hearts. 

Reasons Why I'm Not a Fan of Harry Potter

Back when I was in 7th grade, a girl in my class came up to me and said, "Have you tried reading Harry Potter yet?  It's really good."  Being an avid reader, I was always willing to try new books.  So, I read it.

At the time, there were only three Harry Potter books written.  At first, I really enjoyed Harry Potter.  The books are well-written, the story line is fun and exciting, and the setting was foreign.  (Which is probably because its based off of the British school system.)  Though the idea of a magical school for children wasn't really original (Tamora Pierce had already written about quite a few, as had some other authors I was reading at the time), I was a fan of those kind of books and enjoyed them.  I really liked Harry too.  He was a good hero character.

When the fourth book came out, I read it as fast as my hands could get a hold of it.  It took me a day to finish it.  I liked that book too.  However, I began to see a pattern in Rowlings books that I didn't really like, though I could appreciate.

This is a completely personal preference, but you can argue with me if you want.  Rowling was notorious for having a twist at the end of every book.  However, by the second book, I had discovered that the twist was almost always the same, in a way that I didn't like.  I'm the kind of person who likes the main character.  I usually become the main character when I read, so I like someone who I can identify with, who is moral, and tries to do the right thing.  At this point, Harry had all those qualities.  However, I also like this protagonist to have the world hanging on their shoulders and to have the bad guys out to get them.  In other words, I like the story to center around the main character.

However, over and over in Harry Potter, it would appear to be about Harry.

*Spoilers ahead*

In the first book, it seemed like Snape was out to get Harry.  In the end, he just happened to get in the way of the bad guy's plot.  It had nothing to do with him at all.

In the second book, it appeared that someone was trying to set Harry up, but again, it was just innocent little Ginny being manipulated.

The third book was my favorite at first.  It appeared that the prisoner of Azkaban was trying to kill and take revenge on Harry, which is my absolute favorite plot sequence.  The whole book I remember thinking, "Don't be another twist, I like the way this is going!"  Unfortunately it was.  The prisoner was just after Ron's rat.

I was a little disappointed, but then the fourth book came out.  Really, that's probably still my favorite book!  I really enjoyed it, and I was really looking forward to the fifth one. 

Between the fourth and the fifth is when the movies began to come out.  Really, the acting was pretty horrible at first, but that didn't get me down.  The ever growing hype was beginning to though.  I had liked Harry Potter before it became a cult, so the fact that everyone was liking it didn't annoy me too much.

That is, until the 5th book came out.  Just as quickly as I devoured the fourth book, I consumed the fifth, and to my horror discovered that someone had turned Harry into a monster!  What had happened to the stalwart hero that I had learned to love?  Somewhere between the fourth and fifth book, Harry had become an obnoxious, angsty, shallow teenager!  To my horror, I found that I simply didn't like Harry the character anymore.  My love affair with Harry Potter began to find itself on shaky ground.

The madness of the fans pushed me over the edge. Like I told someone yesterday, if I am already unsure of how I feel about something and people began making too big of a deal about it, then usually I find myself disliking it.  I'm not a crowd follower, and I don't want to be one of many.  I enjoy being unique.  It would have been different if I still could love Harry, because I liked him first, but as the character deteriorated into self-pity, I found myself feeling less and less empathy for him.

In my opinion, heroes are meant to be strong and selfless.  They are meant to be as much like Christ as its possible for a human to be.  No, I don't like my book characters to be perfect.  They all need their flaws and their growing, but at the time I read Harry Potter Book 5, I WAS a teenager.  If I was going to be able to identify with Harry Potter as a teenager, it would have been when I was a teenager, right?

Yeah, that's what I thought, but I couldn't find common ground with the new Harry Potter, and the way that she treated her adults as well just made them all look incompetent.

I still read the 6th and 7th book, but it wasn't when they first came out.  I just read them whenever.  I watched all the movies (and couldn't stand Ron's actor), but I just had lost of lot of my Harry Potter fire.  The books just weren't what they had been either.  Harry grew up a bit, but to me, the books had lost a lot of their magic.

I'm not going to lie, J. K. Rowlings' world still fascinates me.  I've read some pretty neat crossovers where other main characters from other series went into Harry Potter's world and took Harry's place as the main character.  I still like Rowlings' world.  I just don't like Harry anymore.

We'll probably still own the books and possibly the movies, but they will never be my favorite.  I appreciate what they have done to help children learn to enjoy reading, but I like Peter and the Starcatchers and some other children's series much more.  The Harry series is still well-written and fun, but personally I'd rather read something else.

Baby's First Bloody Nose and Other Consequences

Why'd You Let Me Get a Bloody Nose?

At 9 months of age, most babies are crawling and just starting to pull themselves up to things.  Kevin, however, is now walking.  He doesn't even need any help standing up.  He can go from a sitting position to a standing in less than five seconds.

Though this makes his parents quite proud, it has also been a bit trying.  Now he can hurt himself even more frequently!  Usually, he does pretty good.  He knows how to catch himself with his hands when he falls forward, and he knows how to fall on his backside pretty well.  However, when he falls and things are in the way, he tends to get a few bumps and bruises.

Last night, he was walking around the living room and he walked up to our bookshelf.  He wanted to see the books that were on the bottom shelf, so he leaned forward, not realizing that the shelf above was just the right height to clock him in the face as he fell forward!

I saw him hit and I rushed over.  As I held him and he cried, he looked okay, but after a couple minutes, his nose began oozing a bit.  It never really bled too badly, but it kept oozing on and off the whole night.  I got blood on two different shirts.  He was pretty tough though.  He cried for about five minutes and then his daddy took him outside and he felt better.

I don't think there is any way to really stop kids from getting hurt, and maybe we shouldn't be concerned if they get a few bumps and bruises, but it sure is hard!  Grig and I have tried to let Kevin be a bit more independent.  When he falls, we usually don't rush over.  We wait and if he looks at us, we smile and clap for him.  This has made it so Kevin only cries when he's actually hurt.

As Kevin gets older, he will continue to make mistakes and choices.  Sometimes he will be hurt by the consequences of his own actions.  As parents, sometimes I think that we want to protect our children from these consequences.  We want them to have peaceful, carefree childhoods.  However, if we don't let children make mistakes and learn from them, how are we going to keep them from making even bigger mistakes later on?

During a parenting class one time, the speaker told a story.  He told us how he was at the fair one time with some friends of his and their son.  The boy came running up and asked his parents if he could buy a toy airplane that a vendor was selling.  The plane was very cheap and poorly put together.  Instead of telling their son no, however, the parents asked him if he could afford it.  The boy quickly counted his money and told them that he could.  The parents allowed him to buy the plane.

The man was concerned and asked the parents why they had allowed their son to spend money on such a junky toy.  The father explained that the son had earned that money, and after taxes, he got about 80 cents a week.  The toy had cost about $5.00.  The man was shocked that they boy was using that many weeks worth of allowance to buy a poor toy, and again he asked why they had allowed the boy to purchase the airplane.

The father explained that when he was in college, he had found a really nice car.  It was very expensive, but there wasn't much going on under the hood.  The exterior was quite fancy, and the father had bought the car.  When it broke a short time later, he lost a whole lot more than five dollars.  The father explained that they wanted their son to learn to be wise while he was young, so that he wouldn't make the same mistakes when he had more to lose.

A few minutes later, the boy came back crying because his plane had broken.  The parents didn't say, "We told you so..." or "Now do you see why..."  They didn't explain the lesson to him.  They simply held him and comforted him and allowed him to learn the lesson himself.

I really liked the example of these parents.  I want Kevin to make lots of mistakes now when I'm here to comfort and love him, and not after he's on his own.  I want to help him to learn to make good decisions because he wants to, and not because I want him to.  Grig and I feel the same.

So, Kevin might get a few bloody noses here and there, but he's learning.  And the more he learns, the less often his nose will bleed.

Top Ten Things I Learned from Junior High (The Good and the Bad)

Junior High stunk.  I'm probably not the only one who feels that way.  However, because it stunk so much, there were many important things that I ended up learning that shaped me into who I am today.  Some of them were positive things, and some were negative.  Here's just a few of them.  This is dedicated to those kids who may still be going through the Junior High experience.

10- Friends Can be Flaky

Maybe not the most positive one to start with, but it was a new concept to me in Junior High.  I specifically remember between 6th and 7th grade my whole world changed.  In 6th grade, I had a good group of friends, and every recess we played together.  However, as we went into 7th grade, another school merged with us, and suddenly there were a whole bunch of new people that I didn't know, but my friends did.  So, I suddenly found myself isolated.  I continued to try to be a good friend, but that's hard when every time you walk up to your friends they turn their backs on you and pretend you don't exist.  

What did I learn from that?  I learned to adapt to changes.  Depending on the day, my friends may or may not talk to me, so if they did, I was happy.  If they didn't I went to hang out with someone else.  If people don't want your company, you can usually find someone who does. 

9- Abrupt Change Confuses Other People

In my 8th grade year, I suddenly got contacts.  Before that, I had really thick glasses, I always wore my hair in a ponytail, and I generally wore (comfortable) unattractive clothing.  The first day I wore my contacts to school, I also wore my hair down.  It wasn't until I started talking that people recognized me.  Evidently, I looked quite different.  

What did I learn from this?  Shock value is kind of fun when done in a positive way.  I don't usually wear makeup or do my hair still, but sometimes it's fun to just whip it out and surprise people.  I usually end up getting a lot of compliments, and then I go back to being normal.  I also learned that if you want people to recognize you, don't make abrupt changes.  It hurts people's schemas. 

8 - Kids Can Be Cruel

Kids can be jerks sometimes.  Everyone is dealing with a lot of physical and mental changes in Junior High, and sometimes it causes them to treat one another very rudely.  Occasionally, I would get picked on, but there were other people that were teased a whole lot more than me.  I remember one instance where a kid was pushed too far and jumped on his tormentor.  That made for a rather exciting class.  

For my part, my most vivid memory of this was in P.E.  The girls were running laps and the guys were all standing against the wall.  As the girls ran past, some of the guys began giving them high fives.  When I came up to them, I stuck out my hand and none of them slapped it.  Strange how something so small could hurt. 

I'm about to say something that might be termed controversial.  Bullying is a part of life.  It's not a good part, but mild bullying made me more empathetic toward others, and I learned to let things go.  I think sometimes as parents, we are way too extreme in our protection of our children.  No one wants kids to say mean things to their children, and it definitely brings out the protective instincts in us.  However, if our kids don't learn to deal with a little teasing on their own, they're going to have a pretty rough adulthood.  Kids can be cruel, but so can coworkers, peers, and bosses.  Kids need to learn how to deal with teasing without expecting their parents to come every time someone says something mean to them.  Sometimes learning to stand up for yourself is the best lesson a kid could ever learn.

I am, of course, referring only to mild bullying.  Sometimes kids don't mean to be cruel, they just spoke in haste.  However, if bullying is becoming detrimental to one's social, physical, or emotional well-being, it needs to be stopped.  Parents, teachers, and other students should protect those who can't protect themselves from any kind of abuse.  

From this lesson, for me personally, I learned how to deal with teasing.  I learned to generally assume that people weren't trying to hurt my feelings.  If I kept this mindset, often their teasing didn't hurt.  I also learned to say bad things about myself.  This is a negative lesson I learned; in fact, I'm still working on getting over it.  However, it is a facet of my personality from Junior High, so it does bear mentioning.  Let me explain my reasoning to you.  

Kids could be cruel.  However, if I said the mean things about myself before they did, I knew I was joking.  However, if I gave them the opportunity to say mean things, it had the potential to hurt my feelings.  So, the fact that I would be negative about myself wasn't because I had bad self-esteem, it was my way of protecting myself.   My husband hates it when I do that though, so I'm trying to say more positive things about myself.  I don't need the protection anymore.

7- When Times Get Rough, Turn to the Teachers

When I couldn't count on my peers, I learned to count on my teachers.  This is probably the reason that I've grown to love teachers so much.  They became friends when my classmates weren't.  I had some wonderful teachers who really cared about their students, and when I was feeling down, I could go talk to them and they would be kind.  

I used to say that I got along better with teachers than with students and guess what?  That made me a better student.  I didn't have to worry about the social scheme much, so I did my homework instead and tried to be a good student for my teachers.  

That has stayed with me since.  In a lot of my college classes I was still closer to the teachers than the other students.  That made me really like my teachers, and probably impacted my decision to become an Elementary Teacher.  (Not a Junior High teacher though.  Shudder.  That scares me.)

6 - Reading the Mood

I became very adept at reading the moods of others.  I would move from group to group and as soon as I felt like I was annoying one group, I would go to my next group of friends.  Now, don't get me wrong, I'm sure that I could be pretty annoying in Junior High.  I wasn't perfect either.  I generally tried to gauge how people were feeling that day, and if I felt like they were grumpy I would move away.  From that experience I learned to be very keyed into others feelings and moods.  

This has come in handy in numerous occasions.  I can almost always tell when something is bugging my husband, and then we can discuss it.  At work, I could tell when my coworkers were angry or grumpy, and I would become more quiet so they could deal with whatever was bugging them.  If someone is irritated, I know to leave before they snap.  This has been a very helpful skill, and I don't regret learning it, though sometimes it was hard to be a group-jumper.  You never really get close to people when you skim the edges.

5- Escapism

When life got too hard, there were always books.  I had over 1500 Accelerated Reader points every year.  I even had a competition with the Librarian to see who could read more books one year, and I won.  People probably thought that was just because I was a nerd and I loved reading, but that wasn't the only reason.  When I got really lonely, and I would go home and listen to Karen Carpenter's "Only Yesterday," and cry, I could always escape into books.  I would become someone else as I lived their lives with them.  I would have lots of friends, and often the fate of the world would hang in my hands.  I was important and loved by friends or hated by villains.  The books made me happy. 

The problem is, that escaping into books doesn't solve our real problems.  I'm been learning how to not turn to escapism when I'm stressed because then I don't do things that get rid of my stress, I just repress it.  This facet of my personality is still one that causes me problems, because often I don't realize I'm stressed.  I simply start reading or watching more television.  A lot of times, it's only when I see the symptoms that I recognize the cause.  I'm still learning how to appropriately deal with the stress of life. 

4-People Turn Out Okay

Okay, so maybe most of my friends became ostracized from me during Junior High, but that doesn't mean they're terrible people.  Even the kids that were the cruelest to me have turned into really nice adults.  I really like them.  Often, Junior High seems so huge when you're part of it, but usually we all flounder through and turn out okay.  Even moving into High School seemed to bring many students a mediocre amount of maturity.  At that point, life starts getting better again because everyone has begun to learn to deal with their new growing selves.  High School was better than Junior High, but nothing beat college!  

I learned from Junior High that we can't judge each other on how we acted when we were 12-14 years old.  It's a tough adjustment for everyone, and we need to be understanding of each other.  People have forgiven me for being super obnoxious when I was a kid.  Why can't I forgive them for responding to their own stress negatively?  

People usually turn out okay with a little patience and love, and often we don't know what they are going through.  Treat others like you want to be treated, and forgive them when they mess up.  I think that's what we'd like others to do for us.  If we all can put the past behind us and see each other for the remarkable people that we are now, I think we'd all have a lot more friends. 

3 - Extracurricular Activities are Great

Some of the lifesavers in Junior High were the extracurricular activities.  One in particular that I enjoyed was band.  I met and became friends with people that I wouldn't have been friends with otherwise.  It allowed me to excel as well and to enjoy doing different types of activities at school.

I played basketball in Junior High, and though I didn't like some aspects of it, I learned to have self-confidence.  I remember one practice, my coach put me and another girl on one side of the court and said, "Battle it out until you aren't afraid to push each other."  From people who knew me in soccer it might seem shocking that someone had to tell me that, but at the time I was taller than most of the other girls and I was afraid of hurting them.  The coach taught me to be aggressive in play, which helped me improve as a player and gain self-confidence.  I learned a lot of good things from my coaches and teachers.

I learned from this to branch out and try different things.  I wasn't always good at the extracurricular activities that I joined, but I usually had fun trying.  If kids are given a chance to look good in front of their peers, it can often change the way their peers feel about them.  It can also give them a chance to show how awesome they truly are.  Everyone has talents.  Sometimes they're undiscovered talents.  I learned to push myself to try new things, because I never knew exactly what I would be good at. 

2 - I Like Myself

This was a lesson I didn't really learn until the end of Junior High, but it was an important one.  I remember one day going up to my Mom and, sobbing, asking her when I would have a best friend.  Her comforting words were this:

"I didn't get a best friend until I got married.  It may take you that long as well."

Thanks, Mom.  

However, she was right.  Some kids are good at making best friends.  They find someone else and they just click.  I wasn't one of those people.  I was good at making friends, but often they were rather shallow friendships.  I liked to be friendly and I liked other people, but I seldom made friends on a level where I was able to share my feelings or personal thoughts.  It took until college and my mission for me to find friends of that caliber, but in the mean time, I learned that I could be my own friend.  

I like myself.  That's probably what sustained me through those Junior High years.  I didn't necessarily need anyone else to like me.  I got along great with myself, and though I sometimes got lonely, I didn't mind my own company.  I still think I'm pretty funny, and I laugh at my own jokes.

However, now I do have a best friend.  I can talk to my husband about anything, and we don't have any secrets.  After God, I'm the most important person in his life, and he's the most important person in mine.  (And then Kevin.)  It's the kind of relationship I always wanted, but never had fully realized until I was married.  So yeah, Mom was right, but I have made a lot of good friends along the way. 

This is probably the best thing that I learned from Junior High.  Even though I mess up and I'm learning to forgive myself, I still like who I am and who I've become.  Junior High, as much as I didn't enjoy the experience, was part of that shaping.  So, I'm grateful for it. 

1- They're Not Thinking About You

Out of all my memories of Junior High, this one stands out the clearest. 

I was sitting in band holding my oboe in my lap.  It was before class had really begun, and the students were sitting around talking.  No one was talking to me, and I was sitting there and thinking, "I wonder what they're all thinking about me."

Almost instantly, a very clear thought struck me:

"They're not thinking about you.  They're wondering what you're thinking about them."

The second I had that thought, I knew it for the truth.  People don't generally spend their time thinking about those around them.  Their thoughts (for the most part) are usually on themselves.  This was perhaps the most profound thought I ever had in Junior High, and it helped me to stop feeling sorry for myself.  

People are generally caught up in their own lives with little thought to spare for those around them.  Because we are all so self-involved, often it is hard for us to see outside of ourselves into the needs of those around us.  Since I gained this insight, I have found it easier to excuse and forgive others.  Often they don't mean to be insulting, they are usually just worrying about something else.  People usually don't mean to blow you off, they just were busy or had a lot on their minds.  I find it very easy to forgive people because I have realized that people are usually trying their best, and as long as they're trying, I can forgive them as many times as they need.  

Heavenly Father does the same for me.  Why shouldn't I do the same for other people?