Lessons from Loss

Last week, we had a death in the family. My cousin's four month old baby, who was diagnosed with a congenital diaphragmatic hernia when she was born, passed away on April 22. 

It's been an emotional week for them, and for me. I felt prompted to ask them if I could make them a gift, and my offer was accepted. So for the past week, I've been working on that. 

As I've browsed through pictures and videos of this beautiful and amazing soul, I have really come to know her and to love her. Even though I was never able to meet her in person, she has really affected me. She had such strength and joy, and her expressions spoke volumes. 

On Saturday, we had the funeral, and her mother and father spoke. Her father gave an incredible life sketch which filled in the gaps that the pictures hadn't told me. Her mother talked about lessons that she had learned from her daughter, and I wanted to share a couple of things that she taught me that day. 

One of the things I loved the most, was when my cousin talked about being happy. She said that for the first while, she was very sad. Not just that, but she felt like she was expected to be sad because things were very difficult. Her daughter had never left the hospital and her entire life had been uprooted as they lived hours away from their home, not knowing if her baby would survive each day. However, at one point my cousin decided that, if her daughter didn't have very long to live, she didn't want her to live her life "surrounded by sorry saps." She wanted her daughter to know happy people. So, she chose to be happy, despite her circumstances, and she said that this decision changed everything. 

The other thing I really liked that they kept bringing up was miracles. We had quite a few fasts for their baby in our home, and we had a few family fasts with everyone else. Every time, something miraculous happened that helped this baby stay until her time on earth was completed. Miracles are real, and they do happen today. I have seen so many in our lives, and I'm so grateful for the reminder that this incredible little girl gave to us. 

It has been a difficult, but wonderful week. I have felt the Spirit so many times, and I have felt a lot of love for family and friends. I'm grateful for my cousin and her family. They have helped me grow and come closer to my Savior.

A couple weeks ago, I was feeling a bit directionless. However, when we visited the temple the day after this sweet baby girl passed away, I received some important counsel for myself. The Lord basically told me that I can be stronger than I am; I can have more patience and faith. If I'm struggling with faith and hope, I need to pray to Him and He will sustain me. I need to quit giving up so easily and I need to do better, because I'm capable of so much more. 

Since then, I've been trying to have more faith and hope. I'm learning to trust in the Lord's timing and in His plan for me and my family. 

Loss is very difficult, but I am so grateful for the things I have learned from this experience. I do feel that I have become a better person because of it. 

Three Blessings

Yesterday might have been a really difficult day for me.

I once again found out that I wasn't pregnant, and the familiar pain began to descend upon me. However, I've been trying harder to accept God's will, and I had asked him that if I wasn't pregnant, that he would send me peace. He sent me more than that.

Some of my favorite pictures I've taken of Siff

The first blessing that we received is our new puppy on Saturday. It is so nice to have a baby around. Siff still sleeps most of the day, and is super cuddly when she's tired. She so adorable and soft. She's a lot of fun to play with. Everyone loves her and she's doing really well with potty training.

She's so cute!

Look at that widdle face!

The second blessing took a huge worry off my shoulders.

We've been planning a trip to visit Grig's parents, and our previous plans for who was going to watch our dogs fell through (through no fault of their own). I had been thinking and praying a lot about what we should do while we are gone. I had felt that things were going to work out, but I just didn't know how. Then, yesterday, my sister called and offered to take them. She lives in Idaho, so normally that wouldn't work out, except that my parents happen to be coming to visit the day before we leave. My mom agreed to take the dogs home with her so my sister could watch them.

It's nice to know they'll be in good hands. 

Best friends

This is a nice shot of Arkhon

That was a such a miracle for me, and I'm really grateful to my family for how wonderful they are.

The third blessing was a friend who called to ask me to watch her kids. It was nice to have so many things to take my mind off of my disappointment.

Between babysitting, Siff, Kevin, and Arkhon, I had plenty to keep me busy. It turned out to be a pretty nice, if not very productive, day.

Kevin LOVES to pick up his puppy. 

Arkhon was feeling neglected because he had to share attention. So he came and planted his head on top of mine. It was pretty funny.

I'm grateful that I received such great blessings yesterday. Heavenly Father is very kind to me and my family. I'm grateful for our new pup, and such wonderful friends and family.

The Blessings of the Budget

I was going to talk about something else today, but after this morning, this is pretty much the only thing on my mind, so I have to share this. 

We are in an interesting economical situation right now. 

Currently, we have been blessed with more money than we've had in a long time. We're still not very wealthy, but we at least have a sizable buffer in our savings, and that's been really comforting. 

Even so, we are trying REALLY hard to stick to our budget. We're also trying to save up for a few things and so last paycheck, we didn't put very much into the grocery portion of our budget. 

Then, we ended up feeding some extra people, which was great, and we were grateful to be able to help out. It simply left us with no extra grocery money. 

So, we were in a strange situation where we didn't have any money, but we actually did. We weren't sure what to do. We ran out of eggs on Friday, and we didn't have any fresh fruit. We contemplated going to the store and getting those two things, because they are kind of necessary and we actually DID have money...just not in our grocery fund.

However, after we went to the temple on Saturday, we stopped at my grandma's house to pick up Kevin. After we ate with them and piled in the car, Grandma came over and handed us a carton of eggs and a bag of fruit. She also gave us a bag of potatoes. 

I know it wasn't a coincidence that she just happened to give us the specific items that we were really in need of. I know that we were blessed for our service and for going to the temple. I have some pretty wonderful family members too. 

That wasn't the only blessing we've seen though. We get paid today, and we've been low on quite a few other things, but somehow (like the woman in the bible who provided food for Elijah and whose oil and flour never ran out) our supplies have lingered until today. For example: we were sure we were going to be out of milk by Sunday, but we still have some left. 

What have I learned from this? I have learned that when we try to stick to our budget, that the Lord helps us out. I have learned the blessings of going to the temple and paying our tithing. 

I'm excited to go grocery shopping today, but we're also going to try and be really careful not to spend all of our money right away. 

Hopefully it will last until the next paycheck this time. 

The End of a Year

I saw my cousin's blog post today, which reminded me that 2015 is nearly over.

Am I the only one who thinks that's crazy?

It has been one hectic year, and it's hard to believe it's almost over. A few really neat things have happened this year, and a few really scary things. Mostly though, it's been a fantastic year with a lot of blessings.

Here is my year in review:

January: We were closing on buying our home. Most of my thoughts and energy were aimed toward that, and getting our taxes in. Once we'd finalized everything on the house, January was pretty much over.

February: We moved into our new house. It's hard to believe that this was over 10 months ago. In some ways, it feels like we've always lived here, and in other ways, it feels like we just moved in. Most of February was spent packing/unpacking and cleaning.

I still love my kitchen!

March: Honestly, I didn't remember what happened in March until I just went and looked at my pictures. It turns out that this was the month that Grig's sister came to live with us. We had our one good snowstorm of last winter, and Kevin built his first snowman. We were still adjusting to our new surroundings, and enjoying our backyard. We got a fish, and killed it.

April: We got another fish. We spent time at Baby Animal Days, and cleaned up a lot of our property. We were hoping that this fish would last longer, but unfortunately, it too died a few months later. No more fish for us for a while.

 May: Nothing too exciting happened in May. Just a lot of enjoying having a backyard and spending time with (relatively) old and new friends. Dakota was still doing pretty well at this point, and she loved laying in our long grass. (We hadn't purchased a lawn mower yet.)

June: We had our first family camping trip! We also nearly got a kitten, but decided at the last minute not too. Only a few days after we made that decision, we found out that Grig was going to lose his job by the end of October. That made us really glad that we'd listened to answers that we'd received when we prayed about bringing the kitten home with us.

The dogs loved camping. It makes me so happy to think about Dakota on that trip. She wasn't moving the best, but she was so happy! We nearly didn't bring her, because we didn't know how well she'd feel, but I am so glad that we brought her. She loved every minute of it. I hadn't seen her so joyful in a long time!

 July: July was a busy month that started with a family reunion. We had a great time with my Mom's side of the family and enjoyed hiking in the woods and playing in the lake. Arkhon also turned 1. He is officially an adult! We also took Kevin to the zoo where they had animatronic dinosaurs. He love that!

 August: We had a family reunion with my dad's side of the family, and afterward I went to live in Idaho for the rest of August and half of September while I helped to work on apartments. It's always difficult to spend time away from my husband, but with his impending joblessness, we were grateful for the extra income.

September: After arriving home after being gone for several weeks, we had one exciting event after the other. Grig's two brothers moved in to live in our basement, so we had three of Grig's siblings in the house. A couple weeks after I got back, Grig's sister's health suddenly went downhill and she ended up in the hospital. They were able to stabilize her, but found that she had a brain tumor. She then flew home to recover and prepare for surgery with her parents.

The day she got back to Viginia, Dakota took a turn for the worse. Only a couple of days later, my fifteen-year-old dog passed away. She's missed, but I know she's much happier now.

 October: Things quieted down as October started, but we were also looking unemployment in the face, and it was fairly stressful. Grig was frantically applying for jobs, but we had felt a great deal of peace, and knew that things were going to be okay. We just didn't know when. Grig's final day of work was October 31st, and as we celebrated Halloween, we still didn't have any offers, though Grig was able to volunteer to work one extra week in a different department. He quickly asked to do so.

 November: As Grig worked the first week in November, he received a call asking him to come in for an interview. Before the week was over, he had a job offer, and he started the new job the following Monday. Our prayers had been answered! We were very grateful on Thanksgiving. We had a lot to be thankful for.

 December: The new job is going well, and we were able to have a fantastic Christmas. It truly has been a wonderful year, and we're excited to see what next year will bring! We've lost one member of our little family, but hopefully the Lord will see fit to increase our numbers in the coming year.

Happy New Year, everyone! May you set attainable goals that will bring you happiness and joy!

MM: Obedience

I've been thinking about obedience lately.

I feel like at one point, obedience was a positive thing. Now, when people hear the word obedience, it seems to spark negative emotions, even in my own mind.

When I thought about obedience the other night, immediately thoughts like, "I don't want people to tell me what to do," "I'm my own person," and "I don't want to follow 'the man'" (I've been watching too much Kim Possible lately) came into my mind.

I was kind of surprised, because I thought I knew how important obedience was.

I read something interesting the other day about teaching our children to be obedient. It said something that said, "If we don't teach the importance of obedience in the home, how will our children understand it in school, in the workplace, or in their relationship to God?"

It really made me think. We're trying to teach Kevin to be obedient, and sometimes it's difficult. The language barrier can be difficult at times. However, we're trying and he often does what we ask him to do.

I was discussing this with Grig, and how important I feel that obedience is, and he said that it reminded him of The Jungle Book (the book, not the movie).

In the story, Akela, the leader of the wolf pack, has long led the wolves and taught them the law of the jungle. As he ages and grows weaker, Shere Khan infiltrates the pack and begins to lead the young wolves astray. He teaches them to break the laws and hold them in contempt.

Grig commented on how the pack was unified and safe while they followed and obeyed the laws, but once the youth became disobedient, the pack structure fell apart, and they became less than wolves. At that point, they stopped being the "Free People," and became subject to the will of Mowgli, who was stronger than them.

I thought that was a great allegory.

Obedience is so important in the Lord's work. If we obey a commandment that He gives us, He promises us certain blessings, and God cannot lie. The timing is His, but the blessings will come. Obedience is being willing to do another's will. God can do anything, but He will not force us to follow Him.

When any law is established, man-made or otherwise, there are certain consequences that go with that law. Breaking the law (or commandment) brings consequences. We all have the freedom to choose if we will obey the law, but we do not have the freedom to choose our consequence. There are set penalties for certain laws, and most often, they are not negotiable.

For some reason, obedience has become a curse word. No one wants others to think they are 'obedient.' Inwardly we say, "But I want my children to be free-thinkers. I don't want them held within the bounds of society!"

I had never realized it before, but isn't that a terrible thing to say? The laws and rules of society keep us safe and protect the rights of those around us. As our own desires become more important that the desires of society and the good of society, we begin to hold the laws of the land in contempt, and like the pack of Akela, our order and structure begins to crumble.

Even if you don't believe in God, laws are important. They are the things that keep us safe, for without laws, there are no consequences, whether good or bad. In 2 Nephi 2:13 it says:

 13 And if ye shall say there is no law, ye shall also say there is no sin. If ye shall say there is no sin, ye shall also say there is no righteousness. And if there be no righteousness there be no happiness. And if there be no righteousness nor happiness there be no punishment nor misery. And if these things are not there is no God. And if there is no God we are not, neither the earth; for there could have been no creation of things, neither to act nor to be acted upon; wherefore, all things must have vanished away.

I know that obedience is important. We are doing our best to teach Kevin obedience to us, and to the Lord's laws.

My own father taught me an important lesson when I was young. I was doing my driving time to earn my driver's license and I was going 5 above the speed limit. When he asked me why I was driving that fast, I said something like, "Everyone goes that fast, it's okay."

He then told me that it wasn't okay to break the law, even by just a little bit. For some reason, that really stuck with me, and I have tried to do my best to keep the speed limit with exactness. (Sometimes, I'm not paying attention, and it climbs, but I do my best.)

Yes, I'm the annoying person who goes exactly the speed-limit. I've been pulled over for other things, but I've never gotten a ticket. I know this is a blessing because I am doing my best to follow the laws of the land.

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, (Article of Faith 1:12)

We believe in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates, in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law.

Our church does not promote rebellion to laws. Instead, it teaches us to do our best to keep the laws in whatever country we may find ourselves. By our example of obedience, we have been able to touch many more hearts that if we were rebelling and fighting our leaders.

I'm definitely not perfect, but I do my best to be obedient to the laws and commandments I know. I tried to be an obedient student, an obedient employee, and an obedient daughter. Sometimes I succeeded better than other times (especially in the daughter role). However, I do have a testimony of the blessings of obedience. Obedience is not a bad thing. It is a blessing, and one that we should delight in.

How else can we show the Lord that we love Him and how dedicated we are to Him?

Link to Site where I got this picture

MM: The Good You Do

Yesterday, we watched a video produced by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It's called "You Never Know How Much Good You Do."

Here's the video if you'd like to watch it. I highly recommend it.

A lot of times, we try our best to organize our time with good things. Then, something unexpected happens, and your whole day's plans are messed up.

I am trying a new way to schedule my time. In the mornings, after I make Kevin breakfast, I read my scriptures. Then, I plan out my day by writing down the things I was trying to get done. Once I write down my list, I then designate chunks of time to the specific things. I finish by praying that the plan I have made is acceptable to the Lord.

Last week, I managed to do this Monday-Thursday. At night, when I said my evening prayers, I would report back to the Lord on how I did each day. I don't know if I've every felt better about how I used my time. Friday and Saturday, I didn't do quite as well, but I'm trying again this week.

The funny thing, is I was also praying for opportunities to serve someone else, and I definitely had those prayers answered. Nearly every day I had some unexpected opportunity to help someone.

They weren't huge acts of service, and sometimes it ended up changing my entire schedule, but I was still able to get everything on my list done.

I think that we often have a list of things to get done, and if we don't finish it, we feel like failures. However, when we accomplish the list that the Lord has for us, then it doesn't matter if we finish our own list.

I loved this video, because it really showed the consequences of her choices and how much she'd really helped other people.

We don't always know the good that we can do, but the Lord does. The Lord knows what He wants us to accomplish each day and who he wants us to help. If we listen and act upon those opportunities, we will be led and guided to where we can do the most good.

You never know what blessings your tiny acts of service can bring to yourself and to others.

MM: Tithing and a Family Reunion

I mentioned in my last blog entry that we were pretty stressed about money, but that we had faith and paid our tithing to the Lord. I forgot to mention that Grig's employment offers unemployment on weeks off. We thought we were going to get an unemployment check from a previous week off, but when Grig went in to talk to them, they told him that he wasn’t going to get that money after all. They said you had to have an unpaid week (which we had already had) and then, if you had another week of unemployment in the same quarter, you would get paid for it. However, they said that the last week was in a different quarter and we wouldn’t be paid for it. That was very frustrating. We felt like the job opportunity was the answer to that, and we'd be able to pay our bills after all. We felt exceedingly blessed and felt that this was the answer to our prayers.

A week and a half ago, we went to go on my mother's family reunion. We were going to carpool, but then Grig got work off on Thursday too, and he got home too late to drive with those we were going to carpool with. So, some kind family members gave us some gas money. That was our second blessing of tithing.

The reunion was a lot of fun, and I had the opportunity to write a Reader’s Theater for it.

It went really well, and all my actors did a great job. That was one of my highlights of the reunion.

Another point was when all 60 of us were singing together. That was really nice. The harmonies were awesome, and the Spirit was really strong. I’m so grateful I was able to go to the reunion. There was animal taxidermy everywhere, and the kids really enjoyed looking at those.

Kevin on a moose (statue).

We had a couple funny stories. The first night we arrived, we were told that we were sleeping upstairs with Amy and Ryan. When we got upstairs we were a bit confused. There were two couches, a television, and two twin beds. They may have even had slightly less width than twin beds. They were pretty small. Grig and I looked around, and decided that we were supposed to use one of the twin beds. That night, all three of us, including Kevin, slept on the tiny bed. It was a tight squeeze, and the whole night my arm dangled off the side. We slept alright, though the next morning my arm was numb.

The view of the lake from our cabin

When we went down for breakfast, we talked to everyone for a while, and then we were talking about how we slept. We were trying not to complain, because we were glad to have a bed at all, but it came out that we’d been really squished all night. Then someone asked about the hide-away beds.

Confused, I didn’t know what they were talking about. It was then revealed that the couches each had a queen-sized hide-away bed inside. We’d slept on the twin beds for no good reason!

It was pretty funny.

The next funny thing that happened was at Bear Lake. Kevin had been pretty happy until we took him into deeper water, then he got cold and grumpy. After cuddling for a while, he allowed me to bury him in sand up to his neck. He was pretty happy, until I spotted something.

Kevin and friends

There was a large spider on top of the sand on his leg. It had at least an inch long body, and was huge! I pointed it out to Kevin. Usually he loves spiders and cries when we leave them, so I was expecting a positive reaction.

Unfortunately, at the moment that Kevin spotted the spider, it took off running toward his face! He screamed and exploded out of the sand.

He was sad for a while after that, and then he recovered and played in the water again. By the end, he didn’t want to leave.


On the last full day, we went on a hike. Grig and I ended up far behind everyone else.

Grig took this picture. Neat, right?

Family pic

As we neared the end of our walk, we heard a very distinctive sound. Happily, we soon spotted a nearby raven. Grig loves ravens, and that made the whole hike worth it for him.

We had a great time at the reunion, and it was kind of sad to leave.

We got home from the reunion, and checked our mail as we packed to leave the next day for work in Idaho. To our surprise, we found two checks in the mail from Grig’s parents. Here was the third blessing from tithing. They told Grig that they had felt impressed to send the money.

Then, when we went to look at our bank account, we found that there was another large sum of money that had been put into our checking. We didn’t know what it was from, but when we looked it up, we saw that it was the unemployment check that they told Grig he wouldn’t be receiving. The fourth blessing of tithing.

When all was said and done, we not only had enough for all of our bills, but we were going to be building back up our savings by the end of the month. That was a huge blessing. Tithing works, and it is amazing. Indeed it is as the Lord said in Malachi 3:10:

 10 Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it. 

We worked all week in Idaho, and had a great time working with family and we're grateful that they were kind enough to pay us for our efforts. I have a testimony of tithing, and I'm so grateful for the blessings that we were given.

Trials and Blessings

The last couple of months have been kind of stressful for me; mostly because of money.

We thought we were doing great, and then we had a few car problems and lost most of our savings. Add to that some unexpected weeks off of work, and we were getting pretty concerned about how we were going to pay the bills at the end of the month.

It's never been hardier, or easier to pay tithing for me. It was harder because, just for an instant, I thought, "Maybe we can just loan our tithing from Heavenly Father and pay him back later." However, almost instantly I thought, "No, if we pay first, we will have enough money, because He has promised to bless us."

With that thought, we paid our tithing. 

That was Sunday. That night, I went visiting teaching (which is where we go visit a few sisters in the ward each month), and I shared another story with her, where my prayers were answered. We were talking, and I told her we were hurting for money right now. 

She then told me an incredible story from when she was younger. She had come home from her mission, and her father died. Her mother was trying to pay off all the doctor bills, and things weren't looking good for their family. Her mother showed her some money, and said, "See this. This is our tithing money. Do you think the Lord would mind if we borrowed it?"

Her daughter, who was a newly returned missionary said, "No, Mama. The Lord first, and then the blessings will come."

I was a little surprised because of how similar the wording was to what I had been thinking early that day.

The mother replied, "You're right, of course. I'm just stupid from worry."

Anyway, they paid their tithing and a few hours later, a friend showed up at the door and gave them a bunch of money. It was enough to get them back on their feet, and buy provision for their restaurant which has provided for them ever since. 

I really needed to hear that. I was stressed, but I had faith in tithing as well. 

Anyway, today my mother called with a job opportunity for us in the lean week. I feel like this was an answer to our prayers and a direct blessing of tithing. With this temporary job, we should be able to make up for the bit that we were going to be lacking.

I am so grateful for family and friends. We have so many blessings right now, and I feel like I should have no reason to complain, and sometimes I still do. The Lord will take care of us, as we do what is right. He cannot lie, and if he promises a blessing, it will be fulfilled. He answers prayers according to our faith.

Ain't no mountain high enough...

More Care Troubles

So, the other day, Grig mentioned to me that the front headlight was out. However, when we drove the car later, it was back on again. We were grateful that it wasn't actually out, because at the time we didn't have money to replace it. 

However, last Thursday I was driving back from a meeting and both headlights were out. That wasn't good. We only had one working bright as well. So, that night I went and picked up two low-beams and one high beam. 

Friday, Grig went to replace the two headlights. The high-beam was able to be replaced with no problem. However, when he went to replace the two low-beams, they were both fine, but the inside of the beams was melted. 

That means another trip to the car emergency room. Our neighbor was kind enough to follow me out and drive me home after I dropped the car off. 

Hopefully, the problem isn't too severe. 

Other than that, we're starting to pack and clean. If the loan moves through the USDA quickly, we should be able to close by Friday still. We're very excited. 

We've been very blessed that everytime we've had car troubles, we've had money to fix it. This time it's the same. We got our tax returns last week, so we should be able to do what we need to do. 

Mormon Monday: When Things Fall Apart

The other night, my husband and I were talking about our respective novels. I was telling him about how things were looking really great for my characters and then a colossal disaster happens and things were looking pretty bad.

He made the comment, "There's nothing like disaster to make a hero really shine."

I then mentioned that I noticed the same things in a lot of real stories too. One in particular is the story of Christ. Christ had an incredible entrance into Jerusalem. He came in riding a donkey and the people threw palm leaves in front of him. He was hailed as a prophet, and to the disciples, things must have been looking pretty good.

However, this grand entrance was just the prelude to tragedy. Shortly thereafter, Christ was betrayed, tortured, and crucified. This high point was followed by fear, anger, and disaster. The disciples must have felt that there was no hope. Darkness covered the face of the earth (literally), and things probably seemed like they would never get better.

This period of darkness probably seemed to last forever, but it was only three days later that the Savior rose from the dead and brought hope back into the world. The light was made all the more powerful because of the preceding darkness.

After I had shown this comparison, I said, "Maybe I shouldn't talk about the Savior's life like it is a story."

Jacob's response made me feel a lot better. He shook his head and said, "In some ways, it is THE story."

I've thought about that conversation over the weekend. The more I've thought about it, the more I've realized that this isn't only a common plot in stories, but it can give us hope in life.

Sometimes, it seems like things are going pretty well. We are being blessed and we have more than we need. It is often after these periods of happiness that something devastating can happen. Things simply seem to fall apart. If we allow these moment to, they can destroy us. We can lose our faith and hope in the Savior and we can decide that nothing good will ever happen again. We can choose to allow those moments of darkness to make us doubt and wonder if God ever existed and if He really loved us.

However, the moments of darkness rarely last. If we turn to our Heavenly Father, and retain our hope in Christ, we will soon find the blessings that follow will seem all the brighter because of the darkness the preceded it.

I know I'm always more grateful for my health after I've been sick. I'm always more grateful for my job (or my husband's job) when we've been unemployed and struggling financially.

With Thanksgiving coming this week (and Kevin's birthday), I'm going to do a gratitude week again. I did one last year, and I would like to again express my gratitude for all the blessings that we have. Thanksgiving doesn't really mean anything unless we take the time to remember why we're grateful, and who we are grateful to.

Today, I'm grateful that light always follows darkness and that light is stronger than darkness. Like everyone else, I have had difficult times in my life, but when I look back on them, the struggles have made me stronger and increased my faith in the Lord. I am grateful for my challenges and those moments when things fall apart.

After all, it is only with the Savior's help that we can put them back together again.

Counting Blessings

Thanks everyone who read and commented yesterday!

Today, I'm feeling much better. Last night, Kevin still woke up twice, but he went back to sleep (fairly) quickly. As for me, it only really hurts today when I run or if I get kicked (by Kevin). Other than that, it feels a million times better. Thank you for all the suggestions.

I'm feeling really blessed today.

We have been given so much, and it's hard not to feel grateful. In the place where we live right now, there are a lot of people who are struggling financially and with other matters. The more I learn about other people's lives, the more that I feel overwhelmed with the blessings that we have been given.

I have an incredible husband. Yesterday, I was reading a blog written by a woman where she was complaining about how her husband would call her while she was at the store. She could hear her baby crying in the background, and her husband asked her what he was supposed to do. She talked about how it was a manipulative move to try and force her to come home sooner.

I've never experienced that. Grig is an incredible husband and father. We aren't perfect, and neither is our marriage, but we're both committed to working things out. He loves Kevin and spends time with him. Their relationship is unique to them and is completely different from the relationship that I have to my son.

We have two wonderful dogs. Dakota is old and sweet. She's still happy and wants to be with us. The flesh is weak, but her spirit is willing. Sometimes we have to leave her behind because her ailing, arthritic body simply can't handle it, but she still really wants to come. She loves Kevin and Arkhon, though sometimes she also enjoys breaks from them.

Arkhon is quickly learning his boundaries. He rarely comes in the kitchen, and (for the most part) stays off the couch. He rarely has accidents anymore, though we're still working on that. He has learned to leave a lot of toys alone, and he doesn't chew on shoes or clothes much anymore. He and Kevin are best friends, and they love to play together.

I also have an incredible son. Kevin is really starting to talk now. Somewhere he learned how to say "mine" recently, and that is currently his favorite word. He loves to sing and dance. He's really into "Silly Songs with Larry" from Veggie Tale recently. He loves animals and can make almost as many animal noises as his parents. They're pretty impressive, actually.

He is a very happy, sweet kid. Occasionally he likes to hit, but we're working on it. At least he's not biting anymore. He runs really fast and he loves to play with toys. His favorite game currently is throwing balls for the puppy. Kevin also loves to grab the puppy around his waist and just hug him. Arkhon is learning to allow it. He kind of goes limp and waits for Kevin to let go. He's a good puppy. Kevin is learning to be gentle with him, but it is a process.

We have a sweet (but dumb) snake. He takes little work, and Kevin loves to gently pet him. He's getting bigger all the time. I'm going to have to post a new picture soon.

We also have a wonderful place to live with great neighbors. Grig has a great job, and I've been able to stay home with my son.

Our church is within walking distance, and we have a great ward.

I also am really grateful for my family. I have great relatives and in-laws. I don't think I could have picked better people if I tried.

There are trials and hard things that we go through, but compared to the things we have, they don't amount to much.

Life is pretty great, and I'm pretty grateful.

Thanks to everyone for being great friends and family. We are enriched by having you in our lives. Even if I don't talk to you much, I often think of you, and am grateful for the things that I have learned from you and am learning from you. I wouldn't be where I am today without you.

Today is a good day.

What more could I ask for?

Mormon Monday: Doing the Best with What We Have

Yesterday in church, one of the teachers shared a pretty neat video. I was able to find it this morning, because I wanted to share it with you.

This video is about a girl who doesn't have very much money, but she has to buy some things that she needs. However, if she buys the necessities, she won't have enough money for fare to church the next day. After praying, she feels that she should go ahead and purchase the things that she needs and it will be okay. Acting on faith, she decides to do just that, and miracles follow.

One thing that I really liked about this video is the fact that the girl isn't just purchasing things that she wants. She is buying absolute necessities, and because she is doing her best with what she has, the Lord provides.

As I've mentioned in previous posts, we are going on vacation soon. We very prayerfully considered when we should leave, and how we should get to our destination. We live in Utah (big surprise, right?) and we are traveling to Virginia. We found out that driving would be about $500, while flying is about $1000 round trip. Even so, we've struggled to have enough money for this trip.

However, whenever I've worried about having enough, I've been comforted and things have worked out. I wanted to give you some examples.

One thing that really concerned us, was the fact that Grig's glasses were broken by Kevin. We knew we needed to get glasses before our trip if we wanted Grig to be able to drive at night. However, when we went to Sam's Club to get his eyes checked out, we found out that our insurance wouldn't cover it. It was still fairly inexpensive, so we decided to go ahead and get him an eye doctor appointment.

His appointment was on last Thursday, the 29th. It was the earliest appointment we could get. We had been told that it would take 7-10 days to get the glasses in, and if it wasn't within 7 days, we wouldn't have Grig's glasses for the trip. However, we felt like things were going to work out if we prayed for it.

To our astonishment, Saturday morning, two days later, we received a phone call. Grig's glasses were already in!

That was a wonderful miracle and blessing.

The other incredible blessing that we've had is that Grig has gotten a bunch of extra hours the last two weeks. Due to that, we've made our goal for the trip and we should have plenty of money.

When we try our best, we aren't perfect, but the Lord makes up for what we lack. I know this is true. When we were talking about the glasses, I assured Grig that he would get them in time, but he told me, "Not if we don't pray about it." Sometimes the Lord has blessings for us, but they are conditional upon us asking for them.

The girl in the video above prayed very sincerely for help, and then she acted, doing the best with what she had. The Lord answered her prayer and gave her enough for her needs. The Lord has done the same for us, and we've had enough to buy all the things we needed before the trip.

I'm so grateful that Heavenly Father loves all His children and wants what is best for them. Sometimes our prayers aren't answered right away, but usually that's because the Lord's timing is perfect and it isn't right for us to have what we want right at that moment.

I've grown in faith as I've had to wait for my prayers to be answered. I've learned to trust in the Lord and as my prayers have been answered, I come to understand a little better the mind of my Father in Heaven. I know God exists and loves us. Each of us is special to Him. As we do our best with the talents and abilities that we've been given, His grace helps us to be capable of so much more.

Grig Got the Job!

A week or so ago, I posted about how an opportunity had opened up in Grig's company.

Grig had been hired as a fitter back in July, but because he had taken time on his breaks to learn how to weld, they had begun to allow him to do actual welding.  Over the past few months, he has really enjoyed welding and has really grown quite good at it.

Grig was working on something when a coworker of his approached him kind of hesitantly. He told me that his coworker watched him work for a moment, and then asked, "Do you want to weld?"

At first, Grig thought the man was talking about right then, and he said, "Sure."

Then, he realized that the man meant in an official capacity. His friend explained that a welding position had just opened up, and that Grig should apply for it. So, he did.

Yesterday we found out that Grig had gotten the position. The new position not only comes with duties that Grig really enjoys, but it also comes with a pay increase.

Honestly, this isn't even close to what he graduated in, but we are so grateful for this opportunity as we continue to earn our residency. Grig is a hard and dedicated worker. He has an incredible eye for details, and he is very meticulous. I appreciate how much he does to provide for our family, and the opportunities that we have been given. God has been very kind to us.

A long time ago, when Grig was looking for a job, my father gave him a blessing. In the blessing, he advised Grig to be "open to opportunities for growth within the company." We really feel that this is the answer to that blessing.

We're pretty excited about the news and we wanted to share it with you!

Now we just have to purchase a welding helmet!

After the Trial...

On Saturday, we were driving to Sam's Club to go shopping. It was an unusually warm day outside, and so, for the first time all winter, we decided to roll our windows down.

A harmless thing to do, right?

Wrong! Or at least, that's what our car decided. As Grig tried to roll the window back up, it simply groaned and died. We tried to get it back on the track by pushing the button back and forth and we were rewarded by the sound of cracking glass.

Great.

I was pretty hopeful at first. I told Grig, "It will be okay. All we have to do is pray, and it is going to work again." He was kind of skeptical, but willing to try. He wasn't skeptical because he didn't believe God could fix the window, he was skeptical because the Lord may have a reason for breaking the window, and if so, no amount of praying was going to fix it.

We went shopping and when we came out, we said a prayer and tried the window again. If anything, the sounds got worse...and then it stopped working completely. It didn't dampen my faith however. I felt like it was going to be okay, even if we had to take it in. He agreed.

It's hard when you believe something is going to happen and it doesn't, though. I took the car in on Monday and was told it was probably going to be about a $300 fix to get it back on track.  As I left, that was when the frustration hit.

We'd just barely finished fixing up our car. We were starting to be able to save money again! Why did this have to happen now?

However, there was nothing to be done, so we agreed and left the car there over night. That night it snowed, and we were grateful that they had it inside of their shop where moisture couldn't blow through the window.

Sometimes bad things happen, and you begin to ask the Lord "Why?"  However, I am learning more and more that as we continue in faith the blessings begin to pour in.

The same day we turned the car in, Grig's co-worker approached him. Grig was busy sweeping because they were at a slow point, and his co-worker kind of just stood there and watched him for a minute. Then he said, "Hey, man. How would you like to weld?"

Grig loves welding. He is officially a fitter (of parts for the welders), but every time one of the welders will let him, he has been welding. At first Grig thought that his co-worker was asking if he wanted to weld right then, and then he realized that the man was talking full-time. His co-worker informed him that a full-time position had just opened and he should go apply. So, he did.

If he gets this position, we will receive a raise, and Grig will be able to do something he enjoys a lot more! So, we are currently praying that he gets the job. That would be a huge blessing.

Then, my parents just informed me that our phone plan is changing. With the change, our phone bill is suddenly going to become more inexpensive! That's pretty exciting.

On top of that, when I went to pick up the car yesterday, I informed my grandfather (who was driving me) that I had finally received my new state driver's license. He told me, "Okay, then I'm going to take you to Wal-mart and get you a fishing license. I'll pay for it."

I've been dying to go fishing. Lately, I've been editing my grandpa's life history for him, and he told me this was his way of paying me back for all of my work. Then, he asked if we wanted to go fishing at 4:00. I really wanted to, but I wanted to talk to Grig about it first.

We picked up the car and it turned out that the motor that rolls up the window was actually broken. The man at the repair shop told me that it fell into six pieces as he pulled it out. He also told me he had never seen one in that bad of shape. So, I don't know why our car had to experience this right now, but I'm grateful we had money to pay for it. It ended up being a bit less than $300 when all was said and done, and our window works again. That was another blessing.

We did go fishing last night, and we caught three beautiful (though smallish) rainbow trout. We had a lot of fun! Grig didn't fish (he doesn't have his driver's license yet, but he will soon), so he and Kevin explored the area while Grandpa and I fished. They found a couple of fossils and a dead bird. They had a good time.

These pictures are actually from a different fishing trip, but I forgot to bring my camera last night, so I decided to use these pictures instead. We only caught three fish last nigh and they were all about the size of the little one between Grig and I. Also, Kevin is much older now.

I am pretty grateful for how many blessings we have in our lives. I feel like our trials are insignificant in comparison, and I feel bad for my frustration the other day. I am learning to trust in the Lord, regardless of what life might throw at us. He hasn't steered me wrong, and He never will.

Follow Up to Last Week's Disappointing News

So, for those of your who read the disappointing news from a few weeks ago and about our car problems from last week, will remember that things were not looking very good for the Tank family.

We've had a bunch of blessings since then, but I didn't want to write about them until everything finished (so I didn't count my blessings before they hatched). I'm glad I waited though. I can't even describe my gratitude for the things that have occurred.

So, first of all, on our car.

I told you about how we needed a new catalytic converter and it was going to be mega-bucks. They were looking at about $700 plus, just for the part itself. We asked if they could get a used one, and they said it was illegal to do so. Then, we told them that we wanted to wait to repair the rest until our tax returns came. They told us that it would be cheaper for us to replace the front display while they already had it open. So, that day we just had them fix our check engine light, which ended up needing our whole front lights display replaced too. It took a couple days to get our car back (which was okay. They just had to order new parts that hadn't arrived yet).

They were very kind and as we went to pick up our car, they informed us that they had found a catalytic converter that was only $225. We were amazed! They didn't have to do that, but the blessings continued to come.

We got our tax return the next week, so we took the car in last friday. They replaced the thermostat, our catalytic converter, and all of our brake pads. We were expecting it to take a couple days, but they called us at 4:00 p.m. and told us our car was done. Amazed we went to pick it up. The total price?

$837

I don't think we're going to be going to any other car repair shop from now on.

After that, we stopped quickly and replaced our front tires at Les Schwab, because they had treated us so well the time before. They had a special sale going on front tires as well.

At the end of the day, we spent only $75 over the thousand we were hoping for. It was a miracle! I am so grateful to my Father in Heaven for saving us so much money and guiding us to an honest place.

Then, Saturday morning we took our car back to the place where we'd gotten the safety inspection. If you bring it back within 15 days, you don't have to pay to have the inspection again. Saturday was the 15th day. We quickly passed safety, and aside from a small hiccup with emisions (where we had to drive the car around a bit before the new parts would engage,) we passed emissions as well.  Last week I cried from frustration. This week I nearly cried in gratitude. Grig and I had a special gratitude fast Sunday morning.

The other good news is that Grig found out that his job is planning on keeping ALL of the full-time employees if they can. He may not need to look for another job after all! That is very exciting news. We've had some amazing things happen.

Havelock, Grig's brother who lives with us, has been looking to move into his own apartment. WE thought he'd found one last week, and we were excited for him, but sad he was going to be moving. However, he found out afterward that they had signed him up for a fall contract, not an immediate contract. So, he's still looking, but that's okay, because we like having him here.

Thank you for your suggestions and prayers for our family and Grig's job. We appreciate it and have seen the Lord's hand in our lives. We can't believe how much he loves us and how much money we were allowed to save.

So, faith does pay off. Even when it seems that things are looking awful, keep believing. Later, you'll look back and realize how many blessings you've really received! The Lord's timing is perfect, and as you try to follow his commandments and do what is right, you will receive the promised blessings.

Mormon Monday: Why Do Mormons Pay Tithing?

Tithing is an ancient principle.

It goes back to the law of Moses, and even further past that to Abraham.  (Gen. 14:20 (18–20); Mal. 3:10 (8–10), Nehemiah 10:37)  We believe tithing is an eternal principle as well.

The concept is simple.  God has given us everything.  All he asks is a tenth of our increase in return.  In ancient times, this tenth was usually given in the form of livestock.  The Levites, who did not have a  land of inheritance of their own, would sacrifice part of this offering in a symbolic manner that was to prepare the minds of the Israelites to prepare for Christ, and then the rest was used to feed the Levite families.  None of the sacrifice was wasted and it was treated as a sacred offering.  

Today, we usually use money because that is now how we calculate increase and Christ fulfilled the law of Moses, ending sacrifice by the shedding of animal blood.  Now, instead we are asked to give our hearts to him.  Tithing is a way that we do that.  

Tithing is treated in a very sacred manner by our church.  We do not have a paid clergy.  Thus, tithing doesn't go to line anyone's pocket. The committee who decides how to use the funds are very aware of the widow's mite (meaning that some people have hardly nothing and still do their best to pay tithing).  They carefully and prayerfully consider where the funds from tithing should be used and how best they will build of the Kingdom of God. This money is God's money and should be used as such.  Thus, often the funds go to help build churches and temples in places where the people wouldn't be able to afford to build one otherwise.  Some of the funds go to help latter-day-saint youth with their schooling.  

The heads of our church do not get rich on our tithing.  In fact, they never see a penny of it. 
If you want more information on where our tithes go, here is a link.

However, it is not really a sacrifice for the saints.  The Lord never requires anything of his people without giving them great blessings in return.  As is promised in Malachi 3:10-12:

 10 Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it.

 11 And I will rebuke the devourer for your sakes, and he shall not destroy the fruits of your ground; neither shall your vine cast her fruit before the time in the field, saith the Lord of hosts.

 12 And all nations shall call you blessed: for ye shall be a delightsome land, saith the Lord of hosts.

There are some pretty awesome blessings there, and I can promise that the Lord never lies.  If He says He will do something, it is going to happen. 

I have experienced the blessings of tithing on numerous occasions.  When Grig and I were married, we decided we didn't want to wait to have children.  We felt very strongly that we weren't supposed to wait.  So, we weren't very surprised when a short time later we found out we were pregnant.  We were both working part-time jobs and going to school full-time, but we felt as though everything was going to be okay.  (Not just okay, we were super thrilled!)

We both paid our tithing each week and tried our best to keep the rest of the commandments.  We carefully saved our money and did our best to be frugal with the rest of it.  

When I gave birth to Kevin, it was a very difficult birth, and I ended up having to have a c-section.  For those of you who don't know, c-sections are quite expensive.  However, somehow in the next two months, we paid off all of our hospital bills.  We did have insurance, but it only covered part of the cost.  I still don't know where the rest of the money came from, but I do know to give credit to my Father in Heaven and I know it was a direct blessing from paying our tithing.  When we follow his commandments, He blesses us. Sometimes we don't recognize the blessings, but they are still there.

Tithing may seem difficult to pay, but it really isn't.  Everything we have is from the Lord anyway, so why would it be a sacrifice to give it back to him?  Especially when he returns it ten-fold?

I know tithing is a principle of the Lord and that He is mindful of our sacrifices.  I have felt the hand of the Lord in my life as I have lived this commandment.  It has brought great blessings to our family.  We are grateful for the law of tithing.