So, I haven't posted in a long time. I really have a lot I want to talk about, and one of the biggest things is a vacation that we just returned from. However, that isn't what I wanted to share today.
This article might be TMI for some people, so feel free not to read it if fertility type stuff makes you uncomfortable,but I wanted to share what's been going on with our fertility attempts and some news we just received. I have tried to be discreet, but I've got a partially medical background, so some things don't bother me that bother other people.
I've posted before that we've had difficulty having more children. We also haven't been able to do much in the way of fertility treatments, for a variety of reasons, including a distinct lack of money. I think I was also in partial denial that anything was wrong with me. I mean, Kevin was so easy, right?
However, we have been gradually trying to do a few things. Over a year ago, I reached a very important mile-mark for me. I dropped below 200 pounds! It took over a year to lose nearly 25 pounds, and I was very excited. However, the next month I tried Clomid. Between the months of December and March (which was when I was taking the clomid) I gained those thirty pounds back that I had lost. It was very discouraging. It really made it hard for me to want to try any fertility medications again.
However, within the last few months I've been babysitting some fantastic kids and Grig's job has been going well. I had a check-up, and the doctor suggested that we try femara, which is normally a breast-cancer drug, but can also be used for fertility. He also wanted me to come in twelve days after my cycle started so we could do an ultrasound and see how things were developing.
Meanwhile, we also had Grig checked, and everything was normal on his end. That was also good to know.
It was last month that we had the first ultrasound. My ovaries looked like spider webs (my description, and one the doctor said he had never heard before). There were lots of little follicles, but none were dominantly developing into eggs. At that moment, the doctor told me that I have polycystic ovary syndrome, otherwise know as PCOS. This wasn't devastating news for me. In fact, it was quite the opposite. The thing that I had been praying for before I went into the doctor's that day, was that they would be able to know what was wrong and why we hadn't been able to have children. I was so relieved to finally know why. It also explained a lot of symptoms that I've had for a long-time that are all directly tied to this syndrome (including weight gain and a difficulty losing the weight).
Here's a quick snippet about PCOS:
Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is a hormonal disorder common among women of reproductive age. Women with PCOS may have infrequent or prolonged menstrual periods or excess male hormone (androgen) levels. The ovaries may develop numerous small collections of fluid (follicles) and fail to regularly release eggs.
The exact cause of PCOS is unknown. Early diagnosis and treatment along with weight loss may reduce the risk of long-term complications such as type 2 diabetes and heart disease.
As the doctor went on to explain a bit about this syndrome, I was also encouraged to hear that there are a lot of treatments for it, including clomid and femara. The clomid hadn't worked for me, and the femara didn't appear to be helping yet, so he prescribed me a double dose for the next month. I was to take it, and return again twelve days after my cycle started for another ultrasound to see if it was working.
Yesterday, I returned. I had a longer wait in the room this time, which gave me some time to get nervous. I also did some praying. I pleaded that this time, the drug would work, so we would be able to have more children.
After about twenty minutes, the doctor came in, and the ultrasound began. My endometrial layer, which evidently had been very thin the first time was much thicker this time. That was good news, according to the doctor. Then, we got to my ovaries, instead of spiderwebs, with lots of tiny holes, there were two very large circles on the left, and one large circle on the right. My follicles were developing into three dominant eggs! I asked him if that meant twins (or triplets), and he said, "Not necessarily, but it does give you really good chances of getting pregnant when you have a dominant one on both sides."
I can't tell you the amount of excitement I feel. This doesn't mean were guaranteed to get pregnant this month, but it's definitely a step in the right direction and an answer to my prayers. I'm feeling more hope than I've felt in a long time.
I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father for the many things we have been blessed with. We've had so many miracles recently, most of which I won't share, and this news is only part of it. I'm so grateful for my husband and for our son. I've learned a lot from our five-year-old, and am looking forward to him hopefully becoming a big brother soon. It was interesting to learn that I've had this syndrome since puberty, and that means that Kevin's birth was a miracle, too.
Most people want to have careers and become something, but the only thing I've ever wanted with every fiber of my being was to be a mother. I graduated from and loved college, but motherhood was always in the back of my mind. Kevin fulfilled that dream in ways I'm so grateful for, but I've dreamed of a large family since I was little, and during the last five years, it has been difficult to realize that my plan for my future wasn't the same as God's plan for our family.
One thing I have learned though, is that His plan is better, and the more that I try and listen, the happier I am. I have found so many reasons to be happy, even during those times when I felt like hope was shriveling inside of me.
I pray that this helps someone in their own journey. All of us experience different hardships, but I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for everyone. It's usually not what we want, but it always turns out better than we had hoped for as long as we try to listen and live the best that we know how.
We'll try and post more frequently. Thanks for reading!