Things are Moving Forward

*Note: For those who are new to my blog, we do use pseudonyms. Grig is my husband and Kevin is our son.

So, I haven't posted in a long time. I really have a lot I want to talk about, and one of the biggest things is a vacation that we just returned from. However, that isn't what I wanted to share today.

This article might be TMI for some people, so feel free not to read it if fertility type stuff makes you uncomfortable,but I wanted to share what's been going on with our fertility attempts and some news we just received. I have tried to be discreet, but I've got a partially medical background, so some things don't bother me that bother other people.

I've posted before that we've had difficulty having more children. We also haven't been able to do much in the way of fertility treatments, for a variety of reasons, including a distinct lack of money. I think I was also in partial denial that anything was wrong with me. I mean, Kevin was so easy, right?

However, we have been gradually trying to do a few things. Over a year ago, I reached a very important mile-mark for me. I dropped below 200 pounds! It took over a year to lose nearly 25 pounds, and I was very excited. However, the next month I tried Clomid. Between the months of December and March (which was when I was taking the clomid) I gained those thirty pounds back that I had lost. It was very discouraging. It really made it hard for me to want to try any fertility medications again.

However, within the last few months I've been babysitting some fantastic kids and Grig's job has been going well. I had a check-up, and the doctor suggested that we try femara, which is normally a breast-cancer drug, but can also be used for fertility. He also wanted me to come in twelve days after my cycle started so we could do an ultrasound and see how things were developing.

Meanwhile, we also had Grig checked, and everything was normal on his end. That was also good to know.

It was last month that we had the first ultrasound. My ovaries looked like spider webs (my description, and one the doctor said he had never heard before). There were lots of little follicles, but none were dominantly developing into eggs. At that moment, the doctor told me that I have polycystic ovary syndrome, otherwise know as PCOS. This wasn't devastating news for me. In fact, it was quite the opposite. The thing that I had been praying for before I went into the doctor's that day, was that they would be able to know what was wrong and why we hadn't been able to have children. I was so relieved to finally know why. It also explained a lot of symptoms that I've had for a long-time that are all directly tied to this syndrome (including weight gain and a difficulty losing the weight).

Here's a quick snippet about PCOS:

Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is a hormonal disorder common among women of reproductive age. Women with PCOS may have infrequent or prolonged menstrual periods or excess male hormone (androgen) levels. The ovaries may develop numerous small collections of fluid (follicles) and fail to regularly release eggs.
The exact cause of PCOS is unknown. Early diagnosis and treatment along with weight loss may reduce the risk of long-term complications such as type 2 diabetes and heart disease.

If you want to know more, feel free to follow this link.

As the doctor went on to explain a bit about this syndrome, I was also encouraged to hear that there are a lot of treatments for it, including clomid and femara.  The clomid hadn't worked for me, and the femara didn't appear to be helping yet, so he prescribed me a double dose for the next month. I was to take it, and return again twelve days after my cycle started for another ultrasound to see if it was working.

Yesterday, I returned. I had a longer wait in the room this time, which gave me some time to get nervous. I also did some praying. I pleaded that this time, the drug would work, so we would be able to have more children.

After about twenty minutes, the doctor came in, and the ultrasound began. My endometrial layer, which evidently had been very thin the first time was much thicker this time. That was good news, according to the doctor. Then, we got to my ovaries, instead of spiderwebs, with lots of tiny holes, there were two very large circles on the left, and one large circle on the right. My follicles were developing into three dominant eggs! I asked him if that meant twins (or triplets), and he said, "Not necessarily, but it does give you really good chances of getting pregnant when you have a dominant one on both sides."

I can't tell you the amount of excitement I feel. This doesn't mean were guaranteed to get pregnant this month, but it's definitely a step in the right direction and an answer to my prayers. I'm feeling more hope than I've felt in a long time.

Even though this has been really difficult for us, I also feel like it's part of the Lord's plan for our family. I feel like a lot of things have happened that needed to happen before we had more children. The foster care classes were fantastic, even though we never ended up with any foster children (at least not yet). They taught us how to become better parents. We've also learned a lot of really important lessons and made friends with a lot of incredible people that we probably wouldn't have gotten to know if I wasn't trying to find friends for Kevin to play with.

I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father for the many things we have been blessed with. We've had so many miracles recently, most of which I won't share, and this news is only part of it. I'm so grateful for my husband and for our son. I've learned a lot from our five-year-old, and am looking forward to him hopefully becoming a big brother soon. It was interesting to learn that I've had this syndrome since puberty, and that means that Kevin's birth was a miracle, too.

Most people want to have careers and become something, but the only thing I've ever wanted with every fiber of my being was to be a mother. I graduated from and loved college, but motherhood was always in the back of my mind. Kevin fulfilled that dream in ways I'm so grateful for, but I've dreamed of a large family since I was little, and during the last five years, it has been difficult to realize that my plan for my future wasn't the same as God's plan for our family.

One thing I have learned though, is that His plan is better, and the more that I try and listen, the happier I am. I have found so many reasons to be happy, even during those times when I felt like hope was shriveling inside of me.

I pray that this helps someone in their own journey. All of us experience different hardships, but I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for everyone. It's usually not what we want, but it always turns out better than we had hoped for as long as we try to listen and live the best that we know how.

We'll try and post more frequently. Thanks for reading!

They Grow Up so Fast

Last night, I stayed up way too late looking at family pictures from the last five years. It was really fun to watch the progression of our family.

It's hard to believe that Kevin used to look like this:

And now he is so grown up!

The other day, I left Kevin alone for a minute while I finished a project. It was nearly lunchtime, so I asked him if he wanted to come with me, but he said, "No." I turned on a show for a minute and then I went to work. When I came back ten minutes later, Kevin had pulled out some (previously cooked) pancakes, slathered butter on them, and then was eating them with leftover syrup from breakfast. I was pretty amazed that he had made himself lunch. I couldn't believe he was old enough to do that. 

Someone has told me that if you painted red rocks to look like strawberries before your actual strawberries ripen, the birds will peck at the rocks and leave the strawberries alone later. So, I decided to try it. Kevin and I gathered some rocks from outside and he helped me. He did really well. We'd paint most of the rock red, and then put green on the part that we didn't paint. Kevin did really well at being careful and trying to keep the paint in the right place. Then he helped me dot the strawberry with little yellow dots. 

 I think they turned out great! Those birds are going to be fooled for sure!

Don't they look real?

It was also amazing to realize that Arkhon isn't even two yet. He turns two this year. It's crazy to believe that he used to look like this:

He's such a handsome, lean animal. He used to be this chubby little puppy, but now he's super-fast and strong. 

People always comment on how obedient he is as well. He and Kevin are such good friends. Arkhon is a very expressive fellow. His face speaks volumes, and I nearly always know exactly what he's saying. 

It was also crazy to realize that Siff is nearly six months old. I haven't been as good at blogging lately, but it's been really neat to see how fast she's progressed. 

She's changed quite a bit to, from this: 

To this:

She weighs more than Kevin now. He hasn't been able to pick her up in a couple of months. 

I'm convinced we have the best dogs in the world. 

They listen really well, and though their training isn't complete, they are doing really well. Arkhon's about 90% where I'd like him, and Siff is about 75%. It's fun to seen how much mental development has been occurring with her. Before the last couple weeks, when I'd be trying to express my disapproval with her actions, she would continue to have the goofy puppy look on her face. Then, within the last couple of weeks, she suddenly has come to recognize my body language. Now she responds to it, and it's been great to see that progression. 

Kevin was playing with the dogs in the backyard the other day, and I asked him what he was doing. He told me he was fighting zombies. I asked him who the zombies were. He told me that Siff was the zombie. I asked if Arkhon was a zombie to. 

"No," he said, "Arkhon's my dog." Evidently Arkhon and Kevin were ganging up on Siff. That was kind of funny, but I told them to be nice to her. Sometimes they act so much like siblings. 

Stop picking on your baby sister! ;)

Things have been pretty awesome. Part of the reason that I haven't been blogging as well lately is because I've been working on my book more. I'm really close to finishing the second draft. I'm really liking how it is turning out and should be ready for some beta readers soon. (I think that's the right term for it, I'm still new to the whole writer's slang thing.)

Puppies vs. Babies

Which is Better?

Lately, I've really been wanting to get a puppy.  

Really, like, a lot. 

However, though our housing situation would allow it, we currently we can't afford one.  Since puppies have been on my mind so much, I've been thinking about when I first gave birth to Kevin.  Afterward, my dad, who knows how much I like dogs, kept asking me the same question over and over.

"Isn't he much better than a puppy?"

Okay.  Obviously the answer is yes.  However for those of you who've never had a baby, I would like to tell you my reasons why.  Those of you who have had children, let me know your thoughts on the matter.

When I was in High School, one summer I decided to breed my dog and raise a litter of puppies.  It was a really good experience, and I really enjoyed it.  However, comparing that experience to my current situation of being a mother brings up some interesting differences and similarities. 

Yes, I did draw these pictures.

Newborns:

 

 

A Short Thought on Poop

Let's face it.  Newborn animals of any variety aren't very cute.  They come out all slimy and wrinkly, and generally have very little hair.  Newborn puppies are fairly easy for humans to take care of.  We just let the mom handle it.  However, newborn puppies are incapable of defecating on their own.  In order to keep the puppies alive and healthy, the mother dog has to lick them to stimulate their bowel movements.  Then, to add to that, she eats the puppy poo so that the smell won't attract predators.  As nasty as that seems to us, to a dog it's a natural part of being a mother. 

I'm really glad we don't have to do that.  A lot of people will complain about changing diapers, but after watching how animals take care of their babies' poop, diapers don't seem so bad.  Babies are also able to poop on their own as soon as they are born, which is an advantage in the evolutionary side of things.   Babies diapers are also not very stinky when they are newborns.  You have to change them pretty frequently, but it really isn't that much trouble and you get used to it quickly.  

Nursing

Nursing puppies is quite easy as well, if you're the human.  The mother dog usually does all the work again.  There is the rare situation when a human has to take over, and then it can be a major pain!  You have to get up and bottle feed the pups every two hours.  That can really cut into your sleep schedule.  Luckily, my dog Dakota was a fantastic mom.  She took great care of her pups.  She ended up having eight of them, and all of them survived until they went to their new homes.  Can you imagine having eight babies at one time?  I can't.  One is plenty thank you, and I'm still learning how to deal with one.

When someone first handed Kevin to me, I looked down and thought, "What do I do with this?" 

Don't get me wrong.  I've been around babies my entire life.  I have six younger siblings and I spent a lot of my teenaged years babysitting my siblings and other children.  I'm no novice when it comes to taking care of babies.  However, none of that even remotely prepared me for nursing my own baby.  It doesn't come entirely naturally.  However, once you and the baby figure it out, it is a rather peaceful thing.  There is a connection you feel with that baby that is unlike any other relationship I've ever had.  

When my dog had puppies, I felt proud and I loved them.  I took good care of them and I wanted them to have good homes.  However, the bond I have with my baby isn't even close to the same.  Grig and I made Kevin (with a lot of help from Heavenly Father).  He is our baby.  He is part of us and we are part of him.  I've loved my dogs, but the love I feel for Kevin transcends that love and makes it look trivial.  

Nursing has nurtured that bond as well.  I love putting him down for a nap and feeling connected to him.  Puppy-love just doesn't come close.

Infants:

Development

Babies change fast.  Even now, nine-months after Kevin was born, I can't believe how fast time has gone.  Everyday it seems like he learns something new.  He's already walking and running, and I some days I miss the little baby who would just lay on my chest.  Kevin only does that if he is asleep now or very, very tired.  Otherwise, he is constantly moving.  It's been a real treat to watch Kevin grow and learn.  We love showing him new things.  We really enjoy watching him try to understand this new world around him.  

However, as fast as babies grow, it's nothing compared to puppies.  At nine months, a puppy would be almost fully grown and well into his teenage months.  He would be awkward, gangly, and pushing his limits.  They are still cute, but sometimes by that point the cuteness is wearing off a bit.  Between eight and eighteen months is when the majority of puppies are given to shelters.  After that, they mature more and people can handle them again.  Before that, they are cute enough to get away with stuff.  Puppies are only puppies for a short time, and then they become dogs.  I think they're still cute, but a lot of people love that puppy stage and really miss it when it is gone.  

That's probably why so many people get tiny dogs.  They can keep pretending they are babies.  The problem is a tiny dog is still a dog.  If you treat a dog like a baby, they never learn discipline and think that they are in charge.  This causes a lot of bad behaviors that go unchecked because the dog is 'cute.' 

Which is why a great many people don't like small dogs.  They often get away with everything because they're not a threat to people.  

Babies remain as babies for quite a while.  We have more time to teach them the things they need to know before they are considered adults.  Children and puppies take a great deal of patience, perseverance, discipline, and love.  However, dogs will never reach the development level of a human.  They will never be able to have deep conversations with us.  Children eventually will. 

Chewing

Kevin still has no teeth.  His cousin, who is a week younger, has four or five.  She actually has been known to leave little teeth marks in the furniture.  Babies in general however, don't chew on things nearly as much as puppies.  

I've never heard of someone coming home from work to find that their child had eaten their favorite shoe or hat.  Though someone in my family used to chew the fingers and toes off of our barbies, we never found the entire barbie digested.  

Puppies, however, will chew on everything.  Furniture, clothing, toys; you name it, they've eaten it.  That's one nice thing that you don't have to worry about as much when it comes to babies.

A Little More on Poop

When my dog had her puppies, at first it was easy to clean after them.  She took care of most of that.  Then, as they grew and developed, they began to defecate on their own.  Soon, I was the one who had to pick up after eight growing puppies.  It was a full-time job.  

Again, I'll take diapers over that any day.  Both baby poop and dog poop however gets stinkier as the owners get older.  That's part of life.

  Longevity

I think this will be the last thing I'll address in this blog.  Puppies are cute.  They take a lot of work, but when you take the time, it pays off into a wonderful dog.  However, the oldest living dog only lived to 29 and 1/2 years old.  That's pretty old for a dog.  However, for a beloved family member, that's not that long at all.  

Children (hopefully) will be around the rest of our lives and beyond.  They don't just bring joy and heartache, they also are the future of our families.  They pass on stories of us, our teachings, and our experiences.  They also bring grandchildren.  

Dogs bring happiness for a lifetime, but children bring happiness for an eternity.  They can continue to bring joy to others after we are gone.  

So, yes, Dad.  Children are better than puppies. 

At this point, my experience with having my own children has caught up with the present.  I could speculate on what will happen in the future, but until I go through those stages myself, I'll let other people tell me what it's like.  I've raised a puppy to adulthood, but I'm still on my first kid.  Eventually, Kevin will have a few puppies to grow up with him.  Every kid needs a dog.  It's an earth-rule.   

Hopefully Kevin will turn out well.  We'll do our best, and that's all we can do.  The rest is up to him.