You Usually Get What You're Expecting....Unless You're Expecting Perfection

I had this set of images come into my head last night.

Two men were sitting in the brush in some foreign country.  They were watching some natives go about their business.  Both men were aware that the natives knew they were there, and they were trying to analyze what the natives were going to do next.

The first man said to the person with him, "They're going to attack!" He quickly pulled out the revolver and prepared himself.

The other man said, "They're friendly.  They won't hurt us." He then sat down by a tree and waited.

At that moment, the natives came through the bushes and attacked the man who had his revolver out.  He ended up being overwhelmed by numbers and killed.

The other man was slowly approached, and he and the natives quickly became friends.

In my mind, the natives had seen the man pull out his gun and deemed him a threat.  He caused his own expectations by preparing for them to be aggressive.

The other man had seen the good in the tribe.  He waited, and the people of the country decided he was not a threat.  His expectations were also fulfilled by his actions.

Why was I thinking about this?

When you meet someone new, a lot of times we decide they are going to be a certain way.  If a friend is introducing you to a new friend and they've told you all sorts of wonderful things about the person, you probably are going to have good expectations for this new friend.  If we are looking for the best in others, we are going to find good things about them.  It is easy to find a quality that you admire or love in another person if that is what you are expecting out of them. 

On the other hand, if the whole office has been gossiping negatively about the new kid, you are likely to have poor expectations when you meet them, and because none of us are perfect, it is also equally easy to find terrible qualities in every person we meet.

When Christ was on the earth, he knew that every person he met was a sinner, but he loved them all anyway.  He was able to past the sin and love the sinner.

This policy of looking for the best in others nearly always works, unless you are looking for perfection.

While I was on my mission for the LDS church, I had a companion who was dealing with some issues when she came to live with me.  She had kind of met me before, and had heard of me, and for some reason she thought that by living with me, all of her problems would be solved.  Things went great for about a week, until she realized that her problems weren't going away and I wasn't perfect.

Therefore, she decided that it must be my fault and she didn't like me anymore.

I loved her though, and that really bothered her.  She could be very hurtful and angry at times, and I couldn't understand why.  It took me a while, but finally I realized that the reason it upset her that I loved her was because she didn't like herself very much.  When you don't like yourself, it's hard to realize that others can love you.  It's also very hard to like others.

Since then, she has dealt wonderfully with the things that were bothering her and has matured into a beautiful, wonderful woman.  She was always wonderful, but I think she has really started to see that now.

Expect the best in others, but don't expect them to solve your problems or to be perfect.  I often find that when others annoy me, it's because they reflect a quality of myself that I don't like very much.  Once I figure that out, it's easy for me to put those petty annoyances aside and enjoy the person in front of me.  The golden rule still lives.  Treat others as you want to be treated.  If you want other to nitpick everything that's wrong with you, by all means, do it to everyone you meet.

However, if you want them to love you as God would, do the same for them.  I have felt a bit of his love that he feels for His children, and I can tell you that the feeling is overwhelming.

The Lord loves each of us more than we can possibly understand.  Life can be rough and bad things can happen, but everything that occurs if for our benefit.  As we grow and learn from each trial, we mature into the beautiful creature that God always intended for us to be.  I wrote a blog a while ago about why bad things happen to good people, if you want to read it, the link is right here.

One of my favorite sayings goes, "The Lord loves you just the way you are, but He loves you too much to let you stay that way."

The Lord can see the potential in each of us.  I pray that we can also see the potential in each other.  

Kevin fell asleep on Grig's shoulder.  Cute picture!

Try to feel the love that the Lord has for those around you, and I can promise that you will be astonished.  This world is full of wonderful people, including you!

A Little Poverty Never Hurt Anyone

Being poor isn't much fun.  When Grig and I moved recently, we were doing pretty well financially.  However, previous to this move, we had been blessed with an apartment that was owned by loving family, and they didn't require us to pay rent.

Thanks to their generosity, we had been able to save up a bit of money, and had reduced our college debt by quite a bit.  Before we moved we weren't rich, but we weren't really poor either.  We'd been able to pay all of our baby bills (which were pretty substantial considering that I had a c-section).

Since we've moved, however, we've joined the world of the grown ups.  Our money that we saved was mostly spent in those first few weeks when Grig wasn't working as many hours and he was signed up through a temp agency.  For a while, we didn't even know for sure that he was going to get the job full-time.  However, we had faith.  We knew this is where we were supposed to be.

We had decided to get a three bedroom apartment so that Grig's brother Havelock could come and stay with us.  It was decided that once he arrived and found a job, he would be able to help with the rent a bit.  The rent is a decent price for a three bedroom apartment, but it is still quite a bit of our income.  However, he couldn't find a job for a few weeks, so we've had to pay the rent on our own.  (As a side note, he found a job, and he starts today!) 

We've had to become very careful on how we deal with our money.  I created a budgeting system on Excel that works great for us, but with all of the finances we've had and a few surprise bills, our money nearly disappeared.  We couldn't buy groceries because we didn't have money for it.  We didn't have any furniture when we moved, and though we were able to buy a bed, we couldn't buy anything else.  We have been dirt poor, and it hasn't hurt us at all.

We've learned so many wonderful things because of it.  We budgeted our money before this, but never with the same caution that we do now.  We only buy what we absolutely NEED, and we're still working on discerning what groceries can wait until we have money.  We have given up a lot of things that we wanted for a later time when we can afford them.  Neither Grig nor I have credit cards, and aside from a (comparatively) small college debt that we are working on, we don't plan on ever going into debt.  We only want to buy things that we have saved up for and can afford. 

We've also been so blessed!  Every piece of furniture that we've really needed, someone has given us.  When we started, we had a tiny end table, a rocking chair, a lawn chair, a desk, and entertainment center (with no t.v.), a book shelf, a bed, and a tote that we use for a desk.  We didn't have a couch, a bed for Havelock, a table, or a microwave.  As the weeks have gone by and we've been trying to stay within our means, others have stepped in and given us furniture.  We've been so grateful as we've learned to rely on the Lord and on friends and family.

We've had enough, but no more.  As Havelock starts his new job and Grig continues to work, we should be able to begin saving again, and move past the poverty line.  It's been tough, but really, it's been okay.

A little poverty never hurt anyone.  It's only made us stronger as we've come closer to each other and to the Lord.

In the Hands of the Lord

 

In church last week, they were talking about putting everything in the hands of the Lord.  A woman then related a story that reminded me of one of my own.  I wanted to share that story.

When I was pregnant with Kevin, I was very worried about him.  My sister had lost a baby in a tragic, yet sacred way, and my sister-in-law had experienced a miscarriage.  So, I was nearly constantly worried about the baby miscarrying.  More than anything, I wanted to have children, and the thought that I would not be able to hold my baby in my arms was almost more than I could bear.

So, I asked my husband to give me a blessing.  As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we believe that Christ's authority has been restored to the Earth.  We believe that there is a proper line of authority which came straight from Christ himself and can only be passed on by one who has the authority from God to do so.  Through the grace and kindness of God, that has now been made available to every worthy man in the church. My husband has the priesthood (or this authority).  So, when he laid his hands on my head to give me a blessing of comfort, I knew that he wasn't speaking with his own voice, but the voice of the Lord.

The blessing he gave me was not what I wanted, but it was what I needed.  The Lord didn't tell me that the baby would be okay.  He didn't tell me that the pregnancy would go off without a hitch.  Instead, he told me that He loved the baby and that the He was mindful of us.  I felt the peace of the spirit fill me, and I was comforted.  I realized that even if the baby did die, he would be in the Lord's hands, and everything would be okay.  I simply needed to trust in the Lord.  Thanks to the covenants that I have made in the temple, even if the baby did die, he would still be mine forever as long as I lived righteously and kept my covenants with God.  It was very comforting to turn over my fear to the Lord.

Kevin was born just fine (though the actual birthing process had a few complications which I may talk about later.)  He is an adorable boy, and I love him more than I ever thought possible.  Sometimes I still worry a bit for him, but then I am reminded of what the Lord told me.  Regardless of what happens in this life, if we trust in the Lord it will all work for our good.  My children (present and future) are safe in the hands of the Lord.