For the Days of Frustration

Being a mother isn't always easy. 

You probably knew that already, but I feel the need to express myself. 

I've always wanted to be a mother.  That has really and honestly been the sole major goal in my life.  However, some days it is difficult. 

These last few days, I've found myself in a strange mood.  Or rather, in a large number of strange moods.  Usually, I'm pretty laid back and almost always calm.  However, for some reason I have been easily frustrated the last couple of days.  It seems like Kevin is in to everything, and no matter what I'm trying to do, he is bound and determined that I shouldn't accomplish it.  He keeps eating the mouse button off of my laptop.  He thinks it is hilarious. 

He also has been trying to electrocute himself with every single cord he can find. 

Usually, my frustration is an expression of my exhaustion with him trying to hurt himself.  It could also be the fact that I often don't get a full-night's sleep. Some days I feel like a worm trying to follow a cheetah.  I simply don't have the appendages to keep up and prevent him from doing what he wants.

My main trial is projects.  I've always been a bit single-minded when it came to accomplishing a task.  It's really hard for me to stop once I start.  Kevin is teaching me how to do just a little bit at a time.  

Now that I've expressed that side of things, let me tell you what gets me through those frustrating times.  It is Kevin himself.

Kevin can tell when I'm out of sorts and he tries his best to cheer me up.  Currently, he loves blowing raspberries on my arms and neck.  If I'm feeling a bit upset, he will do his best to clown a smile out of me.  I really appreciate that about my baby boy.

Even when he's trying to get into trouble, he is really just doing it to make me smile.  He thinks it is all a game, albeit occasionally an aggravating one for me.  Kevin loves everyone and a small smile from hm can brighten up anyone's day.

I love my baby boy more than I can express, and even when I want to go hide in a corner and let someone else watch him for a minute, I wouldn't trade him for all the sleep and all the calmness in the world.  He gives my life meaning, joy, and love.

I think my frustration lately is mostly because my husband is gone six days a week for over twelve hours.   I only get to see him for a very few hours a night, and often that time is taken up by shopping or eating dinner.  We don't have very much time together, and I haven't really had a break from being a mom for several weeks. 

I'm not trying to complain, just trying to express that being a mom 24/7 can be difficult sometimes.  My experience over the last few days, however, has really made me more sympathetic to single mothers.  Single mothers everywhere, I salute you.  I can't imagine doing what I do, and trying to earn a living all by myself as well.  I get the wonderful added blessing of knowing exactly what my son is being exposed to and what I want to teach him.

Last night, Grig was wonderful.  I was trying to sew Kevin a pair a pants, but he wouldn't let me do anything.  When Grig got home, he and his son played while I finished sewing.  It was a nice opportunity for me to accomplish a project.

As I am typing this, Kevin is trying to bite me. 

I love my boy.  He is teaching me what really matters in life, and how to use what little time I have.  Every day that I spend with him teaches me more about myself and my Heavenly Father.  Parenthood is a wonderful blessing and a joy. 

For those days that are frustrating, remember your blessings.  Remember why you are doing what you are doing.  If you don't have a reason, find one.  This life is nothing without purpose.  My purpose is now my son and my husband. They bring me joy and they make trials worth it. 

I wouldn't have my life any other way.