It wasn't just that I had a hard time falling asleep (although that was also a problem), it was also that I had a hard time WANTING to sleep. I felt like I was wasting so much time when I was asleep. I wanted to be awake and doing things (like reading), and sleep just wasted my time. It helped that I could function on very few hours, and so for a long time I did.
Part of the issue was that if I did try to go to bed early, I would just lay there for hours trying to fall asleep. Sometimes, I even remember coming upstairs crying in frustration because I couldn't pass into unconsciousness. Those were very tiring nights for me, and the more stressed I got about being unable to sleep, the worse it became.
When I got to college, it actually became even more severe m,,,,,,,,,,. At the time, I was experiencing some tremors in my hands and muscles, and they thought that maybe my inability to sleep was the cause. They put me on some medication that was supposed to help me fall asleep. Instead, it helped me gain 20 lbs and since I only took it right before I went to bed, I would take it at 4:00 in the morning and be unable to wake up for class.
That was pretty tough. I quickly got off that medication and just decided to chance it on my own.
I've never been able to shake the weight I gained then. That has been kind of frustrating.
My lack of sleeping continued. Many nights I got two or less hours of sleep. I didn't think it was affecting me, but I'm sure it was. I started to have a hard time waking up and I would fall asleep during class, which I had never done before.
This continued until I left for my mission. On the mission, they have a very strict schedule that they ask you to keep, and for the first time I was trying to go to bed by 10:30 at night. However, even though I was exhausted, I would still sometimes lay in my bed for hours trying to go to sleep.
When I returned to college, I still averaged probably 4-6 hours of sleep a night. I did really well on that, and if I got more than six hours, I often felt more tired.
Motherhood has changed everything. Kevin is waking up about every two hours, and with our early morning schedule, I am learning to go to bed earlier all the time. Sometimes I still can't fall asleep, but usually I am able to.
|Kevin and Grig don't have a hard time sleeping. Lucky boys.|
Kevin makes a great alarm clock though. If only all alarm clocks would kick you and pull your hair.