Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Why I Could Never Be a Professional Thief
When I was a kid, I used to play a game in my head. I've never stolen anything in my life, but it used to amuse me to think of ways that I could steal, if I wanted to. I'd try to figure out ways past the security systems of the places I went shopping, and usually I was pretty confident that my plan would have worked, if I'd wanted it to. I thought real robbers were so dumb because they had lame plans for stealing and they got caught. I also thought they were dumb because they wanted to steal in the first place.

The truth is, even though I'd play these games in my head, there is a very important reason why I would never even try them. It was fun to think about how I could, but only because I thought I was pretty smart and could out-think the security. The excitement was in the thinking for me.

The other night I was kind of laughing at myself and these games I used to play, and as I imagined robbing a bank, the following thoughts came to mind:

Well, first you walk into the bank with a gun. *Internal thought* But I could never actually point it at anyone!

Then, you tell them to hand your their money. *Internal thought* I wouldn't want them to think that I was going to hurt them! And I definitely wouldn't really want to hurt anyone!

Then, when they give you the money, you take it and run. *Internal thought* But even if I successfully stole the money, I couldn't spend it because every time I looked at it, I would feel guilty about taking it. I'd just have to return it anyway.

Thus, the reason I would never be a good professional thief. I have a majorly over-active guilt complex.

Even the thought of taking something that doesn't belong to me is unappealing. There is no attraction in having money that I didn't earn myself. The fun part of having money is knowing that you worked hard and earned it. Having money that didn't belong to me, and knowing that I took it from someone else who had been working hard for it just strikes me as awful. I couldn't even take paperclips from work. Every time I looked at it, it would have just made me feel guilty.

I have a hard time not putting myself in other people's shoes. I'm a pretty empathetic person, and if I ever say anything to anyone that could even be construed as mean, I feel really bad about it and have to apologize until they forgive me (which is sometimes annoying for Grig).

Maybe that's the reason I have a problem with the way we do taxes in this country. The general opinion seems to be "If a person has more money, we can take more because they can afford it." I hate that. If a person has more money, generally they've had to work a long and hard life (or their father did) in order to get to where they are. That was their work and effort. Not everyone is going to be rich, but is it okay to steal from someone just because they are? If I was rich, I wouldn't like that. If I worked hard my whole life to earn enough money so that I could provide a nice life for my kids and grandkids, and someone came along and said, "It's not fair that you have so much money. There are other people that need your money more than you do, so we're going to take it and give it to them. I feel like if I was filthy, stinking rich I would want to decided what to do with my own money. I would want to share it with those less fortunate, but not under duress. I would want to help people in my own way.  

I think taxing people is fine, but do it equally for everyone. Percentages are fine, because then people are equally taxed depending on how much they make. In an economy class, we talked about it one time, and I found out that everyone is not taxed equally. I feel like it's stealing, and I hate that.

Which is why I'd never be a professional thief...or a tax collector. I really couldn't be Robin Hood either, which is probably okay. I'm just a regular person trying to make an honest living. We pay our taxes and follow the laws of the land.

I feel pretty good about that.

No thievery for me.


  1. Hahaha :) we are a lot alike. I sometimes get indignant when someone I love is hurt by someone else and think of all these cutting take-downs, then realize I am only making myself sad because I would never be able to say them in real life, because when faced with a real person, I couldn't. I want to know some of your thief ideas. Solution: write serial crime novels :)

    1. Ha ha. I never considered that. I'm sort of a niche writer, just because I love fantasy and animal fantasy. I could always try something incredibly different, but I'm afraid that I may not be as smart as I thought I was as a kid. My ideas for stealing probably were actually really stupid, and would have just gotten me in trouble.