Foster Care Meeting 2

Last night was an interesting night. We dropped Kevin off at my cousins' apartment on our way to the meeting. We left early, but rush-hour traffic still caused us to be late. We couldn't have left any earlier either. Grig gets home between 4:45-5:00. We left the home at 5:55. It was supposed to take 27 minutes, and it took 38 minutes. That was pretty annoying, but things got better when we got to the meeting.

While enjoying dinner, we began to learn about child development.

First we talked about age appropriate landmarks and then we took a quiz to see how well we knew our child development. I got about half of the questions right, but as I looked over my answers, I realized that I had gotten all the ones right that fell into my son's age group and under. Anything older than my son was much more shaky. I suppose that made sense.

One of the things I learned last night was that Kevin is entirely age appropriate at the moment. The instructor talked about how between the ages of three and four, children merge reality and imagination. He described a kid who he saw at the store who was dressed as Spiderman and who believed with all his heart that he WAS Spiderman. As he was telling this experience, I couldn't help but think of Kevin.

Nearly everyday right now, I'll ask Kevin to do something, and he'll say, "My name is not Kevin. My name is Superman." Just yesterday, he told me, "I have two names: Superman and Clark."

I asked, "Don't you have three names? Isn't Kevin your name too?"

He shook his head and said, "No. Superman and Clark Kent."

Depending on the day, and what he is wearing, his persona changes, but he is very rarely Kevin right now. Sometimes he is "Blue Man" or "Waterman," but usually he is Superman.

The instructor went on to say that this is healthy for this age and we shouldn't discourage it. They'll grow out of it, but right now they're developing key parts of their brain by pretending and it will make their minds healthier. It won't hurt them, and it doesn't hurt us. He encouraged us to let them pretend.

Next we talked about developmental delays. He told us that when people experience traumatic events, it puts their minds in a kind of freeze. The mind goes into survival mode, and stops developing mentally. Once the danger is passed, then their mind begins to develop, but it starts at whatever point it froze. He told us that most children in foster care have a developmental delay.

We were instructed that we needed to figure out where the child was mentally so that we could understand and be less frustrated with their behavior. If you know a child is 9, but mentally is six, it is much easier to understand their behaviors. It is also easier to have patience, and know how to help them. However, he cautioned us not to simply accept the current mental age. The idea behind foster care is to identify where they are at, and then to help them to grow. Once they enter a safe environment (our home) they can begin to age again, and we should help them to do so as well as we can.

The next section of the class talked about a reverse bicycle. He showed a video of a man who was dared to ride a reverse bicycle. If you turned the handle bar one way, the wheel went in the opposite direction. The man was confident that he could ride, but no matter how hard he tried, the bike would tip over. He discovered that the brain is wired a certain way, and you can't just tell it to change. So, for months he practiced ten minutes a day on the reverse bicycle. After about 9 months (I think that was how long, it might have been a little longer), something suddenly clicked and he could do it. He did the same experiment with his son who had only been riding a bike for three years, and it only took his son two months.

There were some important lessons to be learned from this example. One of the things was that you can't just tell someone to do something. You have to teach them how. It isn't easy to rewire a brain. Children's minds are more malleable, and they are able to learn new behaviors more quickly, but we need to have patience with them and their birthparents.

The goal of foster care is reunification. We are supposed to be trying to not only help the children, but their parents too. Only when that isn't possible are foster children adopted. As we were talking about that, I realized something.

The goal of foster care is to save families.

That was like a hammer blow in my mind. We are here to help not only the children, but their parents. If we have some children come and join our family, it will only be because after our very best efforts, things just didn't work out with their parents. We plan on giving it our best effort too. Studies have shown that when children can be with their birthparents and the situation can be improved, it is ALWAYS better for the child.

It is only when the child's safety is at risk and the birthparent can't or won't change their own behaviors that the children are removed permanantly. If the birthparent is showing that they're trying, they will extend the time that the children are simply removed until the parent's behaviors have changed enough. They won't take away the parent's right unless they are showing no improvements.

We learned some other interesting things last night about different developmental levels, and at the end we talked about teenagers.

We watched a final video from a man who studies the ways that minds work, and he told us that there are several reasons that teenagers act the way that they do. He told us that they have decreased dopamine levels and increased reactive levels. Essentially that means that the part that cautions them against dangerous things is reduced, while those chemicals that enjoy risk and excitement are increased. He explained that this was because teenagers were "preparing to leave the nest" and needed to have less caution in order to do so. They needed to be willing to change, take new risks, and challenge old perceptions.

He told us that we needed to be less critical of teens, and more compassionate and empathetic. We needed to allow them to think in new ways and to use their innovation. We also need to help impart some of the caution that they may be lacking.

I've really been enjoying these classes. He gave us some homework, and let us leave half an hour early.

We drove back to my cousin's apartment complex and parked the car. As we did so, I briefly thought, "I wonder if we need a permit?" However, we were only going up to get Kevin, so I decided not to worry about it.

We walked upstairs, talked to my cousins for a few minutes, retrieved Kevin (who was very happy and very much awake), and returned to our car, only to find it booted and a note on the window.

That wasn't a very pleasant end to the evening. After we had called the number, a young man showed up. I explained our situation. I told him that we hadn't been aware that you needed a permit to park here, we had just been here long enough to fetch our son, and if we had known, we wouldn't have parked in the parking lot. He was sympathetic, but their rules were firm. Evidentally, if you parked there after 9 without a permit, you were booted. There was no visitor parking. It was 9:30, so we were just out of luck.

Thirty minutes later and seventy-five dollars poorer, our car was freed and we were on our way home. Both of us were a bit upset by that. Honestly, my mind kept saying, "That isn't fair. We didn't know the rules, and no one warned us. We've been doing good things. Why did this have to happen tonight." It didn't help that we didn't get home until 10 p.m. and we had to wake up at 4:00 a.m.

Bad things often happen after good experiences, but it's important not to let the bad things sour the good experience. I feel much less frustrated this morning. I think it's going to be a good day today, and I'm really enjoying our foster classes.

One of my favorite things about them is that Grig and I are doing them together. It is really fun to sit with my husband for four hours and to be able to talk and learn together about something that is interesting to both of us.

We're excited for next weeks' classes!

Kevin Update

I realized that I haven't given an update on Kevin recently.

He is now three years old. He speaks quite fluently, and sometimes amazes me with his vocabulary.

He is a baby bear that he calls "Baby." Baby is a very helpful bear. When Kevin doesn't want to go to sleep at night, we pretend to be Baby.

Baby will say, "Daddy, Daddy!"

Kevin will respond, "Yes, Baby?"

The bear (through us) will then say, "I'm tired Daddy. Please come put me to bed."

No matter how angry Kevin was or how much he didn't want to go to bed, he just can't say no to his little bear. Sometimes, he'll pause for a minute, and then he'll say, "Okay, Baby."

He'll climb into his bed and snuggle with his little bear. It's adorable.

Baby, the manipulator. :)

I just love this picture (though it is a little grainy because it was taken from a video)

The other day, Grig told him that Baby had originally been his. Grig had called it Frances, after the little Frances the badger books. When Grig told Kevin that, Kevin became concerned.

"Baby is yours?"

Quickly, Grig said, "He used to be mine, but I gave him to you."

Kevin thought about that for a moment, and then said, "Daddy, I love you."

He is the sweetest kid.

Yesterday, while we were cleaning out Oryx's (our snake's) cage, Grig and Kevin were talking, Grig was telling Kevin how snakes eat mice. Kevin then said, "WE eat mice!"

"No," Grig told him. "Snakes eat mice. Are you a snake?"

"No," Kevin said, "I'm a goose!"

He is a goose. Who knew?

The last couple of days, Kevin, Arkhon, and I have started walking again. The weather's warmed up quite a bit, and we've been enjoying ourselves. As we were walking yesterday, we ran into a pasture with a couple of horses in it. They came right up to the fence and let us feed them some of the new grass that was growing on our side.

At first, Kevin was a little nervous, but he soon wanted to try. As we came closer, Kevin said, "Horses are big!" Compared to our dog, they were huge. The larger, dark brown horse took the grass from his fingers, and Kevin became very excited. "He licked my fingers!" he exclaimed.

Arkhon wanted to come see the horses to. I carefully brought him up to the fence, and the horse was pretty cool about it. I think Arkhon was thinking the same thing Kevin was though. As the horse and our dog nearly touched noses to sniff each other, Arkhon lost his nerve and backed off a little. He didn't run away, but he wasn't sure he wanted his head so close to the huge creature's mouth. Later, as Arkhon was looking toward some distant, barking dogs, the horse tried to smell his back. The horse nearly touched him before Arkhon realized what it was doing, and then he moved away again.

Really, it went pretty well. Arkhon didn't bark at them, he was just a little nervous. The horses weren't scared of him, just curious. We're going to go by again. It's good for Arkhon to be around lots of different situations.

Kevin runs pretty fast. He still loves wearing his Superman clothes, but he will occasionally wear different things. Yesterday, his Superman shirt got wet (which he can't stand), and so he went to his room and put on a dinosaur shirt his grandma had recently given him. He was so proud when he came out to show me what he was  wearing, and that he had put it on himself. I guess I reacted well, because a few minutes later, he came out wearing shorts he had put on too.

We just love him.

Some days, he's grumpy, and if he doesn't get what he wants, he will throw fits. Usually, he'll run into his room and calm down, and then come back out.

He plays pretty well with other kids, and he loves it when friends come over. They occasionally fight over sharing, but that's pretty normal.

I've recently made him a job chart using Superman and animals. There are no words, only pictures, but he knows what each picture stands for. He can tell me which job is next, and he LOVES it. Once he completes a job, he gets to put a sticker on his chart. Sometimes I think he wishes there were more jobs.

The other day, he told me, "Superman always helps Mommy," as he helped me pick up toys in the living room.

Yesterday, when he didn't want to help me do something, I reminded him of what he'd said. Immediately, he stopped dallying around and helped me.

He loves having his uncles here, and loves it when they play with him. His Uncle Allopex is teaching him sword fighting, and his Uncle Havelock plays (gentle) punching games with him. Both of them help use up some of his awesome energy. He is always excited when they come home, and loves it when they have days off to spend with him.

He is completely potty-trained and hasn't had an accident in months. We no longer have to buy diapers, which is weird.

Kevin wants a little sibling, and he often prays for one. He is a great example to me of faith and acceptance though. He loves every moment of life, and he helps me be a much better person.

We are so grateful for our son. Our lives would be so empty without him.

He makes the best facial expressions too.

Mormon Monday: A Super Miracle

I have once again decided to attempt to manage my time better. So, Kevin and I went on a walk today.

As we were leaving, I opened the stroller and found Kevin's Superman toy that has been missing for a while. He was pretty excited to see it, and so I handed it too him. It was a gift from my parents, and it is one of Kevin's absolute favorite toys.

It essentially looks like this: link

I felt like maybe I shouldn't bring it, because he was likely to lose it, but I shrugged the feeling off and told myself that I'd notice if he dropped it.

We left poor Dakota home, because she's too sore to walk very far, and I wanted to run.

And run we did.

Every time I stopped, Kevin would say, "3..2..1..go!" If I didn't run immediately, he would say, "Mom, I said 3,2,1, go!" Until I ran again, he would continue protesting. It was fun, but I haven't really ran in a while, so I quickly became tired. Arkhon helped pull the stroller though, so I felt pretty good.

Needless to say, I quickly forgot about the toy that was in my son's hands. After a while, we took a break and I handed him an apple and drank some water.

We made a large circle of our neighborhood. We went about five blocks south, one block west, and then looped back toward home. On the way we stopped at a neighborhood park. Kevin played for a while and I stretched and ate my apple. Arkhon was pretty tired, but he'd gotten to swim in a canal for a bit, so he was pretty happy too.

After we played for a while, we walked a different way home, and (after stopping at a neighbor's for a  while to let Arkhon play with their dog) we went home.

About an hour later, I suddenly remembered the Superman toy.

With a sinking sensation, I realized that I hadn't seen it for a while, and Kevin had most definitely not brought it home.

I left Kevin with Argent and retraced my steps. I went all the way back to the canal, but I didn't want to leave them alone for too long, and so, I returned home without finding the toy.

I was pretty sad about it, and a bit angry at myself for bringing it with us.

When Grig came home from work, I told him the sad news.

Then, I took the car to go grocery shopping. On the way, I decided to retrace my steps with the car in the hopes that I might see the toy. It was a far-fetched hope, but I was praying, and I felt like I might be able to find the toy.

I drove five blocks south without any sign of the toy. Then I turned west. In the middle of the block, I spotted something lying in the middle of the sidewalk. With joy, I quickly pulled the car over, and ran to look.

It was Kevin's toy!

Three hours later, and I had found it in the middle of the sidewalk. It is a miracle that no one had moved it, and that it was somewhere that I could spot from the road.

I finished grocery shopping and returned the toy to Kevin's grateful arms. We then had a prayer and thanked our Heavenly Father for helping us to find the toy. (I had said a few already, but we decided to say another one).

There's a happy kid :)

If you think that Heavenly Father doesn't care about the little things in your life, and you shouldn't bother him with them, please think again and remember a story about a Superman toy. It probably wasn't that big of a deal if we lost it, but it meant a lot to Kevin, and I was praying pretty hard to find that toy. If it means something to you, it means something to Him.

I know I was guided to it, and that my Father in Heaven allowed us to find it again.

Miracles do happen today, and they happen everyday. Sometimes, we have to just be willing to pray and then do our part. If we do that, great things will happen and we will be able to see His hands in our lives.

I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Baby Animal Days

Last weekend, we attended Baby Animal Days at the American Heritage Museum.

Kevin had a fantastic time, though some of the large animals scared him a tiny bit.

It's fun to see how much he's grown since last year. He's still too young to ride on the pony rides, but next year he'll be old enough.

Here are some pictures we took, as well as a new video.

Here's a baby bison.

Family picture before the candy cannon.

Waiting in line for the baby bears took forever, but Kevin was a good sport!

The baby bears were pretty cute. We enjoyed watching them once we made it through the line.

This little exhausted cub was especially cute.

Kevin loved the rabbit. He keeps kissing its forehead.

Sometimes he had to snuggle into Grig's coat to keep warm.

Kevin sure loved to play in the petting zoo.

Despite his face, the train was probably his favorite part.

Kevin loved all of the baby ducks and other animals.

The foal was super cute!

It was pretty tempting to get Kevin a chick. Once he held one, he never wanted to let go. Here he is giving it a kiss.

This final horse is worth a few more words. He had a funny little mustache and we fed him some grass. Right after he finished eating it, he let out a really loud neigh which sprayed grass all over my face. It was pretty funny, but unfortunately we were out of room on the memory stick so we didn't catch that moment on video. He was a nice horse though; huge and gentle.

We had an excellent time. It was a bit cold, but Kevin had his superman jacket and cape, so he was okay.

Here's the video I made for it:

Click on here to see the video!

Halloween 2014

This year, for Halloween, Grig's parents sent us a package containing a some costumes.

Arkhon's first Halloween. He tried on Kevin's onesie.

Grig, Kevin, and I all received a superman shirt, which was perfect since the theme of our ward party was superheroes.

We kept the costumes hidden until Halloween night, and then we pulled them out. The first first I put on fit me okay, but the shirt Grig tried on just didn't seem right. The neck was too wide and it fit him weird. We decided maybe it was a girl shirt, and we switched.

Hooray for that! The shirt fit me much better, and the one I had been wearing looked much better on him. I'm glad we noticed that before we tried to leave the house. Kevin's costume was a little big, but he loved it.

I have a really old book in the house called Batman: A Purrfect Crime. I can't find the version I have anywhere, so it's probably not made anymore. It's cover fell off long ago, and it's copyrighted from 1992. It's getting pretty old.

However, it is absolutely Kevin's favorite book. However, I am more of a Superman fan myself. I like Batman quite a bit, but I prefer Superman.

Unfortunately, Kevin, at this point anyway, seems geared toward Batman because of that book. He'll run into his room and say, "Batman, batman." He knows what he wants.

So, when we put the Superman costume on him, he became very excited and pointing to the emblem said, "Batman, batman."

"No," we told him, "it's Superman."

"Batman," he repeated.

He did that to us all night long. I'm pretty sure that by the end of it, he was just teasing us because he liked our reactions. We wanted to get it on film, but we can't find Grig's old camera that we've been using to record videos. That's pretty sad.

We went trunk-or-treating first and wandered around to all the parked cars in the church parking lot. Some people had delicious home-made cookies and doughnuts. They were delicious. Kevin got a lot of candy.

Then, we went inside and played games and activities for a while. Kevin really had a good time, especially in the Hulk room where you were supposed to build buildings and then rip them down like the Hulk.

This was supposed to be Wonder Woman's lasso.

After 7:15 or so, we left the party and went to my grandparent's home to go trick-or-treating. We visited with them for a few minutes and then went around the block to their neighbors for trick-or-treating. Kevin caught on pretty fast. By the end of our short run, he was trying to say, "Trick or treat?' and he was definitely saying, "Thank you." He enjoyed ringing the doorbells and getting candy from everyone.

We had a great time.

At about 8:00 we had to go home because Grig's coworker and family were supposed to come over and Grig had work the next morning. Kevin and I watched It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown while we waited for them to show up, but they never came. So, after the movie finished, we went to bed.

It was a wonderful Halloween.

Chasing balls.

Superman: A Symbolic Representation of the State of Our Union

I've always loved Superman.

Always.

Yes, he's nearly invulnerable, has probably WAY too many powers (which fluctuate in strength depending on who's telling the story), and is known as a "boy scout", but he is my all-time favorite superhero.

Why do I like him so much? I think the number one reason is that he's a good guy. The character of Superman is a moral, upright person (alright, alien) who is constantly trying to do the right thing. The very essence of Superman is self-control. He could kill anyone at any point, but he chooses not to. He could have any woman (thousands are throwing themselves at his feet), but instead he married, and stays faithful to Lois Lane.

However, over the years as I've watched and studied this iconic character, I've noticed a disturbing trend. The heroic and moral figure that I've loved has changed, and not always for the better.

Click here to go to the page where I found this image.

When Superman was first invented in 1938, he was an full-blown American. He was super (forgive the pun) patriotic, stood for 'truth, justice, and the American way,' and used his abnormal strength to topple cheesy villains.

He was a huge success. So what if his costume was designed after a circus performer? That style lasted for years, and was copied by many other wannabes. Our country empathized with and loved Superman. We were also extremely patriotic in 1938 and we wanted to be good moral people. Superman symbolized what every human desired to be like. Yes, he was a little goofy, but people read comics to be entertained and they like to laugh at the campy characters.

The original context of the character occurred in the Great Depression. The wikipedia page states:

"Superman took on the role of social activist, fighting crooked businessmen and politicians and demolishing run-down tenements. Comics scholar Roger Sabinsees this as a reflection of "the liberal idealism of Franklin Roosevelt's New Deal", with Shuster and Siegel initially portraying Superman as champion to a variety of social causes."

He continued in this tradition as the years passed and he fought other social groups like the Ku Klux Klan. His creators, Siegel and Shuster, were both Jewish, and some scholars have suggested that Superman's creation was influenced by Moses. On the wikipedia page, it states:

 For example, Superman's Kryptonian name, "Kal-El", resembles the Hebrew words קל-אל, which can be taken to mean "voice of God". The suffix "el", meaning "(of) God," is also found in the name of angels (e.g. Gabriel, Ariel), who are flying humanoid agents of good with superhuman powers. Tye suggests that this "Voice of God" is an allusion to Moses' role as a prophet. Moreover, Kal-El's parents send him away in a vessel, delivering him to new adoptive parents in an alien culture in order to save him from impending doom, just as Moses' parents do. "The narratives of Krypton's birth and death borrowed the language of Genesis.""

Other people (including myself) have seen Superman as a symbol of Christ. This has been heavily stressed in some of the movies as well. 

However, as times have changed, so has Superman. His stories and villains have become darker and more violent. Superman himself has faced times where he struggled with his own inner darkness. Of course, thus far, he has always conquered, but sometimes it has been supremely difficult. As the morality of our country has struggled and become fuzzy, Superman's own decisions and methods have been questioned. People have become less interested in a hero that strives to be perfect and more interested in heroes that have questionable moral ethics. 

I think one of the worst things that Hollywood tried to do to the Superman character was to give him an (spoiler alert) illegitimate son in Superman Returns. Hollywood and television have tried harder to rip down the morality of Superman than any other medium. In the comics, Superman eventually married Lois Lane, and they adopted a child. However, before that, Superman practiced celibacy. This was well-stressed in the series Lois and Clark where Lois finds out that Clark is a virgin. Hollywood tried to change that, much to the dislike of many of Superman's fans. That is the main reason that I didn't enjoy that movie as much as I should have. Hollywood wants us to believe that no one can abstain from intimacy before marriage, and everyone is doomed to have one or two past affairs. This is NOT true, and anyone who writes Superman with those fallacies in mind is determined to ruin the soul of the character.

(By the way, I loved Man of Steel. I felt as though the character was again portrayed in a way that was true to the essence of Superman, even if they did ruin half of Metropolis in the process.)

As our country has slid further and further from clear moral standpoints, many heroes like Superman have faded away or been mocked or scorned because they are 'too perfect'. However, for some reason, the Man of Steel is still a popular figure all across the globe. 

Even though the story lines and villains have darkened, for the most part, Superman still retains his intrinsic goodness and moral strength of character. I feel that even though our country has darkened and all the media portrays is evil, for the most part, our country is still filled with good people that are trying to be better. None of us are perfect (we all have our kryptonite), but we are trying.

It is possible that the day that Superman fails and stops being the moral symbol that he is; may be the day that the majority of our countrymen abandon their morals as well. 

That day may be coming sooner than we'd like.