Thoughts from Saturday and Sunday

Yesterday, I mentioned that we had Stake Conference this last Sunday. For those of you who may not know, Stake Conference in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is where the "stake" (which is a group of local congregations who are grouped together) meets and hears from the Stake President and usually a visiting general authority. 

There is usually a Saturday night meeting for the adults, and a Sunday morning meeting for everyone. Both meetings are about two hours long. 

Sometimes the Sunday morning meeting is hard to pay attention to, especially when you have small children. This is one of the reasons that I was especially grateful for the Saturday night meeting this year. I really heard a lot of things that I needed, and I received some really good counsel that really struck me to my core. I wanted to share a few things that really helped me.

The first thing that really stuck out to me was when one of the speakers said something along the lines of, "Unwavering faith means faith in God's perfect love, not faith that our family will be healed or saved." 

That was something I had never really thought about in that way. Sometimes when bad things happen, it is really easy to doubt and wonder why our Heavenly Father won't take the trials away from us. It's sometimes hard to understand why the Lord let's bad things happen and why our prayers for relief aren't answered immediately. 

One of my sister-in-laws had struggled with a lot of health problems for the last while. We've been trying to pray and fast for her, and sometimes we wonder why this trial never seems to end. However, as I thought about what the speaker had said, the thought came to me that I didn't have enough faith. Faith isn't just telling the Lord what we want and expecting Him to do it, it's also trusting that He loves us and will do the best thing for us. Sometimes trials are what we need and if we trust in our Heavenly Father, we will become more like him as we learn to endure and have more faith and trust. Sometimes immediate healing isn't going to be the best thing for us. Sometimes we have to pass through the trials in order to become the person that we're meant to be.

One of my greatest trials lately has been my inability to have more children. We've been trying for the last 3+ years. The greatest desire of my heart is to have siblings for my son and to have a large family. However, for some reason, it isn't time yet. I am slowly learning to have patience and trust in my Heavenly Father's plan and His promises. I am learning to trust that the Lord loves me, and His plan will ultimately lead to the greatest happiness for me. 

This is Kevin as a baby. It's hard to believe that it's almost been four years!

The other thing that I really liked that was shared was when another speaker said, "If you ever think that someone you love is entangled in sin so far that Christ cannot save them, you know nothing of the Savior."

The Lord knows His children and loves each and everyone of us. He lets us make our own choices, but we should never lose hope in our brothers and sisters. Sometimes people make bad decisions, but as long as people are alive, there is always the chance that they might change. If we give up on them, we are essentially saying that we don't believe in Christ's ability to heal and change hearts. We need to keep loving, hoping, and praying for those who are lost. 

The third thing that really stood out to me was a talk given on Sunday. The speaker shared a story where we was told by a general authority to give her father a kiss and tell him that she loved him every day for a year. That seemed like a really weird thing to do, and she was frightened to do it because her father was not a physical person and had never told her that he loved her. She didn't know why she'd been asked to do it, but she did it. 

As she obeyed, her father gradually softened, and finally told her that he loved her too. Only a few weeks after the year had passed, her father passed away. She bore testimony that we needed to heed the council of our leaders, even if we don't know why they ask us to do something. I thought that was a really powerful story. 

I'm so grateful that we took the time to go to Stake Conference. Sometimes, it's hard to want to go to church on Saturday night, but a lot of the goals and inspiration that I've received this week have come from the things that I was taught over the last few days. 

I'm super stoked for General Conference this year! I can't wait to learn what the Lord wants to tell me through his servants. 

Lessons from Loss

Last week, we had a death in the family. My cousin's four month old baby, who was diagnosed with a congenital diaphragmatic hernia when she was born, passed away on April 22. 

It's been an emotional week for them, and for me. I felt prompted to ask them if I could make them a gift, and my offer was accepted. So for the past week, I've been working on that. 

As I've browsed through pictures and videos of this beautiful and amazing soul, I have really come to know her and to love her. Even though I was never able to meet her in person, she has really affected me. She had such strength and joy, and her expressions spoke volumes. 

On Saturday, we had the funeral, and her mother and father spoke. Her father gave an incredible life sketch which filled in the gaps that the pictures hadn't told me. Her mother talked about lessons that she had learned from her daughter, and I wanted to share a couple of things that she taught me that day. 

One of the things I loved the most, was when my cousin talked about being happy. She said that for the first while, she was very sad. Not just that, but she felt like she was expected to be sad because things were very difficult. Her daughter had never left the hospital and her entire life had been uprooted as they lived hours away from their home, not knowing if her baby would survive each day. However, at one point my cousin decided that, if her daughter didn't have very long to live, she didn't want her to live her life "surrounded by sorry saps." She wanted her daughter to know happy people. So, she chose to be happy, despite her circumstances, and she said that this decision changed everything. 

The other thing I really liked that they kept bringing up was miracles. We had quite a few fasts for their baby in our home, and we had a few family fasts with everyone else. Every time, something miraculous happened that helped this baby stay until her time on earth was completed. Miracles are real, and they do happen today. I have seen so many in our lives, and I'm so grateful for the reminder that this incredible little girl gave to us. 

It has been a difficult, but wonderful week. I have felt the Spirit so many times, and I have felt a lot of love for family and friends. I'm grateful for my cousin and her family. They have helped me grow and come closer to my Savior.

A couple weeks ago, I was feeling a bit directionless. However, when we visited the temple the day after this sweet baby girl passed away, I received some important counsel for myself. The Lord basically told me that I can be stronger than I am; I can have more patience and faith. If I'm struggling with faith and hope, I need to pray to Him and He will sustain me. I need to quit giving up so easily and I need to do better, because I'm capable of so much more. 

Since then, I've been trying to have more faith and hope. I'm learning to trust in the Lord's timing and in His plan for me and my family. 

Loss is very difficult, but I am so grateful for the things I have learned from this experience. I do feel that I have become a better person because of it. 

The End of a Year

I saw my cousin's blog post today, which reminded me that 2015 is nearly over.

Am I the only one who thinks that's crazy?

It has been one hectic year, and it's hard to believe it's almost over. A few really neat things have happened this year, and a few really scary things. Mostly though, it's been a fantastic year with a lot of blessings.

Here is my year in review:

January: We were closing on buying our home. Most of my thoughts and energy were aimed toward that, and getting our taxes in. Once we'd finalized everything on the house, January was pretty much over.

February: We moved into our new house. It's hard to believe that this was over 10 months ago. In some ways, it feels like we've always lived here, and in other ways, it feels like we just moved in. Most of February was spent packing/unpacking and cleaning.

I still love my kitchen!

March: Honestly, I didn't remember what happened in March until I just went and looked at my pictures. It turns out that this was the month that Grig's sister came to live with us. We had our one good snowstorm of last winter, and Kevin built his first snowman. We were still adjusting to our new surroundings, and enjoying our backyard. We got a fish, and killed it.

April: We got another fish. We spent time at Baby Animal Days, and cleaned up a lot of our property. We were hoping that this fish would last longer, but unfortunately, it too died a few months later. No more fish for us for a while.

 May: Nothing too exciting happened in May. Just a lot of enjoying having a backyard and spending time with (relatively) old and new friends. Dakota was still doing pretty well at this point, and she loved laying in our long grass. (We hadn't purchased a lawn mower yet.)

June: We had our first family camping trip! We also nearly got a kitten, but decided at the last minute not too. Only a few days after we made that decision, we found out that Grig was going to lose his job by the end of October. That made us really glad that we'd listened to answers that we'd received when we prayed about bringing the kitten home with us.

The dogs loved camping. It makes me so happy to think about Dakota on that trip. She wasn't moving the best, but she was so happy! We nearly didn't bring her, because we didn't know how well she'd feel, but I am so glad that we brought her. She loved every minute of it. I hadn't seen her so joyful in a long time!

 July: July was a busy month that started with a family reunion. We had a great time with my Mom's side of the family and enjoyed hiking in the woods and playing in the lake. Arkhon also turned 1. He is officially an adult! We also took Kevin to the zoo where they had animatronic dinosaurs. He love that!

 August: We had a family reunion with my dad's side of the family, and afterward I went to live in Idaho for the rest of August and half of September while I helped to work on apartments. It's always difficult to spend time away from my husband, but with his impending joblessness, we were grateful for the extra income.

September: After arriving home after being gone for several weeks, we had one exciting event after the other. Grig's two brothers moved in to live in our basement, so we had three of Grig's siblings in the house. A couple weeks after I got back, Grig's sister's health suddenly went downhill and she ended up in the hospital. They were able to stabilize her, but found that she had a brain tumor. She then flew home to recover and prepare for surgery with her parents.

The day she got back to Viginia, Dakota took a turn for the worse. Only a couple of days later, my fifteen-year-old dog passed away. She's missed, but I know she's much happier now.

 October: Things quieted down as October started, but we were also looking unemployment in the face, and it was fairly stressful. Grig was frantically applying for jobs, but we had felt a great deal of peace, and knew that things were going to be okay. We just didn't know when. Grig's final day of work was October 31st, and as we celebrated Halloween, we still didn't have any offers, though Grig was able to volunteer to work one extra week in a different department. He quickly asked to do so.

 November: As Grig worked the first week in November, he received a call asking him to come in for an interview. Before the week was over, he had a job offer, and he started the new job the following Monday. Our prayers had been answered! We were very grateful on Thanksgiving. We had a lot to be thankful for.

 December: The new job is going well, and we were able to have a fantastic Christmas. It truly has been a wonderful year, and we're excited to see what next year will bring! We've lost one member of our little family, but hopefully the Lord will see fit to increase our numbers in the coming year.

Happy New Year, everyone! May you set attainable goals that will bring you happiness and joy!

Trials and Blessings

The last couple of months have been kind of stressful for me; mostly because of money.

We thought we were doing great, and then we had a few car problems and lost most of our savings. Add to that some unexpected weeks off of work, and we were getting pretty concerned about how we were going to pay the bills at the end of the month.

It's never been hardier, or easier to pay tithing for me. It was harder because, just for an instant, I thought, "Maybe we can just loan our tithing from Heavenly Father and pay him back later." However, almost instantly I thought, "No, if we pay first, we will have enough money, because He has promised to bless us."

With that thought, we paid our tithing. 

That was Sunday. That night, I went visiting teaching (which is where we go visit a few sisters in the ward each month), and I shared another story with her, where my prayers were answered. We were talking, and I told her we were hurting for money right now. 

She then told me an incredible story from when she was younger. She had come home from her mission, and her father died. Her mother was trying to pay off all the doctor bills, and things weren't looking good for their family. Her mother showed her some money, and said, "See this. This is our tithing money. Do you think the Lord would mind if we borrowed it?"

Her daughter, who was a newly returned missionary said, "No, Mama. The Lord first, and then the blessings will come."

I was a little surprised because of how similar the wording was to what I had been thinking early that day.

The mother replied, "You're right, of course. I'm just stupid from worry."

Anyway, they paid their tithing and a few hours later, a friend showed up at the door and gave them a bunch of money. It was enough to get them back on their feet, and buy provision for their restaurant which has provided for them ever since. 

I really needed to hear that. I was stressed, but I had faith in tithing as well. 

Anyway, today my mother called with a job opportunity for us in the lean week. I feel like this was an answer to our prayers and a direct blessing of tithing. With this temporary job, we should be able to make up for the bit that we were going to be lacking.

I am so grateful for family and friends. We have so many blessings right now, and I feel like I should have no reason to complain, and sometimes I still do. The Lord will take care of us, as we do what is right. He cannot lie, and if he promises a blessing, it will be fulfilled. He answers prayers according to our faith.

Ain't no mountain high enough...

Mormon Monday: When Things Fall Apart

The other night, my husband and I were talking about our respective novels. I was telling him about how things were looking really great for my characters and then a colossal disaster happens and things were looking pretty bad.

He made the comment, "There's nothing like disaster to make a hero really shine."

I then mentioned that I noticed the same things in a lot of real stories too. One in particular is the story of Christ. Christ had an incredible entrance into Jerusalem. He came in riding a donkey and the people threw palm leaves in front of him. He was hailed as a prophet, and to the disciples, things must have been looking pretty good.

However, this grand entrance was just the prelude to tragedy. Shortly thereafter, Christ was betrayed, tortured, and crucified. This high point was followed by fear, anger, and disaster. The disciples must have felt that there was no hope. Darkness covered the face of the earth (literally), and things probably seemed like they would never get better.

This period of darkness probably seemed to last forever, but it was only three days later that the Savior rose from the dead and brought hope back into the world. The light was made all the more powerful because of the preceding darkness.

After I had shown this comparison, I said, "Maybe I shouldn't talk about the Savior's life like it is a story."

Jacob's response made me feel a lot better. He shook his head and said, "In some ways, it is THE story."

I've thought about that conversation over the weekend. The more I've thought about it, the more I've realized that this isn't only a common plot in stories, but it can give us hope in life.

Sometimes, it seems like things are going pretty well. We are being blessed and we have more than we need. It is often after these periods of happiness that something devastating can happen. Things simply seem to fall apart. If we allow these moment to, they can destroy us. We can lose our faith and hope in the Savior and we can decide that nothing good will ever happen again. We can choose to allow those moments of darkness to make us doubt and wonder if God ever existed and if He really loved us.

However, the moments of darkness rarely last. If we turn to our Heavenly Father, and retain our hope in Christ, we will soon find the blessings that follow will seem all the brighter because of the darkness the preceded it.

I know I'm always more grateful for my health after I've been sick. I'm always more grateful for my job (or my husband's job) when we've been unemployed and struggling financially.

With Thanksgiving coming this week (and Kevin's birthday), I'm going to do a gratitude week again. I did one last year, and I would like to again express my gratitude for all the blessings that we have. Thanksgiving doesn't really mean anything unless we take the time to remember why we're grateful, and who we are grateful to.

Today, I'm grateful that light always follows darkness and that light is stronger than darkness. Like everyone else, I have had difficult times in my life, but when I look back on them, the struggles have made me stronger and increased my faith in the Lord. I am grateful for my challenges and those moments when things fall apart.

After all, it is only with the Savior's help that we can put them back together again.

The Best and Worst of Times With a Toddler

I read a fantastic blog this morning from a friend of mine where she talked about her struggles and joys with her son during his first year of life. Here is the link if you'd like to read her post. It's fantastic: I highly recommend it.

Anyway, it got me thinking. She talked about how the baby stage wasn't her favorite stage of life, and I realized that the stage that we had just hit and nearly passed is probably my least favorite stage of babyhood.

Kevin was an awesome baby. He was nearly always cheerful, he slept through four hour chunks at night, and he immediately grasped the concept of nursing. We had a pretty peaceful babyhood.

He became mobile quite quickly, as we might have mentioned before. He was crawling at six months, and fluently walking at nine months. At the time, we were pretty proud, but that quickly led to pleased-horror as he began to get into everything.

That stage wasn't even really that bad though. Kevin has an inherent cautious streak in him. He might do something once, but he learns pretty quick when something hurts him, and he tends not to do it again. Due to that, it's been pretty easy to allow him to make some mistakes, because he usually learns from them (key word: usually).

However, this last stage has been pretty challenging. Kevin is now at the stage where he KNOWS what he wants, and he isn't able to communicate it very well. That, combined with me leaving for work with a month and his eye teeth coming in, has made for a pretty grumpy, frustrated child.

When my son would scream and scream and follow me around the house, but wouldn't want to be touched, has probably been the hardest point of motherhood for me. It was very frustrating, because I often know what he wants, but it was something I either couldn't give him, or I didn't want him to have. He couldn't understand that though, so it resulted in a temper tantrum. It didn't matter what I did, he would just stuck in the angry phase.

He's also still nursing, and that makes it difficult because I am about ready to wean him. However, with as much pain as he's been in, some days all he wants to do is nurse.

When Kevin throws a temper, it can be pretty hilarious. He'll stomp his feet and swing his arms and blurb his lips. Sometimes I have to laugh at him, because he's so cute. Of course, that can make him even more angry. Sometimes humor is our only salvation.

I don't really enjoy those times when he was behaving that way.

The other thing that he has been doing that has been frustrating is when he tries to hurt you. Somewhere he picked up pinching, biting, and hitting. We're working on those, but the more tired he is, the more he tries to lash out. He's learning, even if it can be a slow process. I think he just does't comprehend that he's hurting other people. He thinks it is some kind of game.

At the same time, it has been a glorious period. Kevin is starting to talk, and it has been thrilling to hear identifiable words come from his mouth. He can say bubble, run, and dog. One of my favorite things that I hear him say, is he will go, "He says ROOAARR (or whatever noise he just heard something make)." He'll say it a couple times if I don't react right away. That's always fun to hear.

It's amazing what he can do now!

He's an adorable baby, and we're so proud of him. Right now, he really wants to help with everything, and that has been a lot of fun. A few weeks ago, we were snapping beans, and he wanted to help. I decided to let him try. This is what happened:

He was trying really hard. He finally figured out that it didn't take that much effort and was able to help a bit. He loves to help with dishes and it's easy to keep him preoccupied while I do them. I just hand him a wooden spoon and he stirs around the water.

We usually have a great time together!

We've seen some incredible things that he has been learning, and every day he becomes an even more awesome little man. Grig is thrilled (when Kevin's not screaming at us), and as his vocabulary has improved and his tooth pain has subsided, we seem to be moving away from the screaming fits. Hooray!

We've recently discovered balloons, and he has really been enjoying those.

At the end of every evening, even when the day's been rough, he's still my sweet little boy. I will never regret having such a wonderful child. I know times might be challenging, but he is worth every frustration and stress. I wouldn't trade him for anything, including more sleep.

Everything he learns is a thrill and a delight. It will be so much fun to see where he goes next. With a kid like this, he can do anything he puts his mind to!

And he's stinking cute to boot.

So, yeah, it's been tough. Sometimes I was so frustrated that I just had to leave for a few minutes and cool down.

That doesn't mean I wouldn't do it all over again, and I probably will. We want more than one.

A lot more.

Unforeseen Blessings

When Grig and I decided to get married, Grig honestly informed me that he had a school debt. He tried to pay off as much of it as he could before we were married, but we still had quite a bit left when we tied the knot.

That didn't really matter to me. It was important that Grig had gotten an education, and money isn't really all that important to me. We've been able to get by, and we've paid off a lot of the debt already. It was never really a big issue between us, but to my surprise this week...it became a blessing.

We are contemplating moving when our contract expires in a few months. We aren't planning on moving far; we simply want to find someplace cheaper if at all possible.

In our musings about the future, I began looking at homes. I signed up for a site that offers homes for sale, and the next day I was contacted by a representative. He told me he wanted to help us get pre-approved for a loan, just in case we felt like we wanted to buy a home.

I decided, sure. Why not?

He did a credit check on both of us, and to my surprise informed us that only one of us had a credit score, and it wasn't me.

I had helped pay for a car before and I had always consistently paid my bills, so why didn't I have a credit score, and why did Grig have one?

I'm still not sure about my side of that issue, but it turns out that Grig has a pretty good credit score because he loaned money from the government for school and we have always been punctual in paying off our debt.

Who knew that something that seemed to be a trial could also be such an extraordinary blessing?

Isn't that funny how life works sometimes? You spend months trying to rid yourselves of a problem, only to find out that it is a blessing in disguise? We probably aren't going to buy a house right now, but it was nice to know that we could if we needed to. I might have to get a credit card after all, just to build up a line of credit for myself. We don't really like them, so we haven't had them before. I thought my phone bill and everything else I had been paying for would have been sufficient.

Nope.

The Lord works in mysterious ways, and it is always for our benefit and growth. I'm reminded of that every day, but for some strange reason, it still surprises me.

No purpose behind this picture. I just love it.

Kevin is still sleeping well in his bed, by the way. Last night, after brushing his teeth, saying his prayers, and having his dad read him a story, he went and climbed into his bed. It was almost a tear-free thing, except that one point he flung himself backward and hit his head on the wooden bar. He quickly got over it and went to sleep.

We are pretty blessed. I'm a pretty grateful person these days. Compared to so many others, what do I have to complain about?  And yet, sometimes I still do. I'm working on that, as well as on so many other things.

Have a great day and look for those unforeseen blessings!

After the Trial...

On Saturday, we were driving to Sam's Club to go shopping. It was an unusually warm day outside, and so, for the first time all winter, we decided to roll our windows down.

A harmless thing to do, right?

Wrong! Or at least, that's what our car decided. As Grig tried to roll the window back up, it simply groaned and died. We tried to get it back on the track by pushing the button back and forth and we were rewarded by the sound of cracking glass.

Great.

I was pretty hopeful at first. I told Grig, "It will be okay. All we have to do is pray, and it is going to work again." He was kind of skeptical, but willing to try. He wasn't skeptical because he didn't believe God could fix the window, he was skeptical because the Lord may have a reason for breaking the window, and if so, no amount of praying was going to fix it.

We went shopping and when we came out, we said a prayer and tried the window again. If anything, the sounds got worse...and then it stopped working completely. It didn't dampen my faith however. I felt like it was going to be okay, even if we had to take it in. He agreed.

It's hard when you believe something is going to happen and it doesn't, though. I took the car in on Monday and was told it was probably going to be about a $300 fix to get it back on track.  As I left, that was when the frustration hit.

We'd just barely finished fixing up our car. We were starting to be able to save money again! Why did this have to happen now?

However, there was nothing to be done, so we agreed and left the car there over night. That night it snowed, and we were grateful that they had it inside of their shop where moisture couldn't blow through the window.

Sometimes bad things happen, and you begin to ask the Lord "Why?"  However, I am learning more and more that as we continue in faith the blessings begin to pour in.

The same day we turned the car in, Grig's co-worker approached him. Grig was busy sweeping because they were at a slow point, and his co-worker kind of just stood there and watched him for a minute. Then he said, "Hey, man. How would you like to weld?"

Grig loves welding. He is officially a fitter (of parts for the welders), but every time one of the welders will let him, he has been welding. At first Grig thought that his co-worker was asking if he wanted to weld right then, and then he realized that the man was talking full-time. His co-worker informed him that a full-time position had just opened and he should go apply. So, he did.

If he gets this position, we will receive a raise, and Grig will be able to do something he enjoys a lot more! So, we are currently praying that he gets the job. That would be a huge blessing.

Then, my parents just informed me that our phone plan is changing. With the change, our phone bill is suddenly going to become more inexpensive! That's pretty exciting.

On top of that, when I went to pick up the car yesterday, I informed my grandfather (who was driving me) that I had finally received my new state driver's license. He told me, "Okay, then I'm going to take you to Wal-mart and get you a fishing license. I'll pay for it."

I've been dying to go fishing. Lately, I've been editing my grandpa's life history for him, and he told me this was his way of paying me back for all of my work. Then, he asked if we wanted to go fishing at 4:00. I really wanted to, but I wanted to talk to Grig about it first.

We picked up the car and it turned out that the motor that rolls up the window was actually broken. The man at the repair shop told me that it fell into six pieces as he pulled it out. He also told me he had never seen one in that bad of shape. So, I don't know why our car had to experience this right now, but I'm grateful we had money to pay for it. It ended up being a bit less than $300 when all was said and done, and our window works again. That was another blessing.

We did go fishing last night, and we caught three beautiful (though smallish) rainbow trout. We had a lot of fun! Grig didn't fish (he doesn't have his driver's license yet, but he will soon), so he and Kevin explored the area while Grandpa and I fished. They found a couple of fossils and a dead bird. They had a good time.

These pictures are actually from a different fishing trip, but I forgot to bring my camera last night, so I decided to use these pictures instead. We only caught three fish last nigh and they were all about the size of the little one between Grig and I. Also, Kevin is much older now.

I am pretty grateful for how many blessings we have in our lives. I feel like our trials are insignificant in comparison, and I feel bad for my frustration the other day. I am learning to trust in the Lord, regardless of what life might throw at us. He hasn't steered me wrong, and He never will.

Mormon Monday: Faith

Friday turned out to be a very rough day for me. We had to get a safety inspection and an emissions inspection done on our car.

I went in with faith, thinking that the Lord would take care of it, and hopefully we would pass. We dropped the car off, and while we waited for them to check it, Grig, Kevin, and I went on a walk. We stopped at Al's Sporting Goods and browsed around looking at knives, guns, and mounted animals. It was quite fun. I wasn't worried about the car at all.

However, as we finished, Grig received a call on his phone. It was from the car place. They told us that our car had failed on both its emissions and safety inspection!

I was surprised, but then I assumed that it was just going to be something small, so I was determined to not worry about it (this is an optimistic quality that I have, that sometimes makes me very disappointed.)

We walked back, and they informed us that our check engine light is on (which it hasn't been because it turns out our check engine light is broken too) and they are reading two different codes that we need to get checked out before it can pass the emissions test. They also informed us that our brakes needed to be replaced as well as our front tires.

All-in-all, we are looking at an estimated around $500-700 worth of repairs. That was very discouraging to me.

We have our tax refund coming, with which we will be able to make the needed repairs and finish this process of getting our car registered in this state, but I really wanted to use that money to pay off the majority of our school debt. When I found out that we were probably going to have to use around a thousand of it to fix things on our car that I didn't really feel like they needed to be fixed, I was pretty distraught.

I didn't know why Heavenly Father had allowed this to occur. Our brakes seem fine to me. They aren't squeaking or stalling. Our front tires, though they may be losing their tread have handled the ice quite decently. I was really looking forward to having less debt, and sometimes when I make a plan that I'm really excited about, it's hard for me to change that plan.

However, that is where faith truly comes in. We hope for the best, but when things don't work out the way we plan, we don't lose faith. Instead, we should try to see what God is trying to teach us, or what we can learn from this new experience.

As my wonderful husband Grig pointed out, at least we have the tax return coming so we CAN pay for these repairs. Most likely, we would have to make these repairs anyway, but if this wasn't occurring right now, we would have to pull the money out of somewhere else.

He's absolutely right. That is a blessing and I just didn't recognize it at first. I was pretty set on what I wanted and the blessings that I thought Heavenly Father was giving us, that I didn't recognize another wonderful blessing that we were receiving.

In the LDS Bible Dictionary, it states:

Faith is to hope for things which are not seen, but which are true (Heb. 11:1; Alma 32:21), and must be centered in Jesus Christ in order to produce salvation. To have faith is to have confidence in something or someone. The Lord has revealed Himself and His perfect character, possessing in their fulness all the attributes of love, knowledge, justice, mercy, unchangeableness, power, and every other needful thing, so as to enable the mind of man to place confidence in Him without reservation.

I do have faith in God and in His Son, Jesus Christ. I know that He is going to take care of us, and I feel ashamed that I doubted, was somewhat angry, and confused for a little while. Our family has been guided and taken care of time and time again, and I know the Lord will continue to do so.

I just really hate making car repairs. I fell like they are way over-priced and they make you fix things that aren't really broken.

Regardless, that is what the laws in our area have asked us to do, and we believe in obeying and honoring the laws. We'll do our best to see them through.

We did find out yesterday that there is a $200 emission repair cap. That was a blessing to find out, so the price of repairs may actually be less than we thought it was going to be.

As we have faith, we put our own worries and fears aside and trust that the Lord won't lead us astray. As we do our best, He will take care of us.

It isn't blind faith. I know that these things are true because I have seen the Lord's hand in my life before, and I have felt His presence and His love. I'm not acting because I'm hoping things will work out. I'm acting because I KNOW things will work out. It's just scary sometimes to walk with only part of the path illuminated.

That's what faith is. It's having absolute confidence that our Heavenly Father is perfect and knows where the path will lead, even if we don't. It's the faith of a blind man in his guide dog or a child in his parent. We trust that they will not lead us astray, and unlike the dog and the parents, God doesn't and can't make mistakes.

That's a very comforting thing when you're trying to turn your life over to someone else.

The Bible Dictionary goes on to state that:

Although faith is a gift, it must be cultured and sought after until it grows from a tiny seed to a great tree. The effects of true faith in Jesus Christ include (1) an actual knowledge that the course of life one is pursuing is acceptable to the Lord (see Heb. 11:4); (2) a reception of the blessings of the Lord that are available to man in this life; and (3) an assurance of personal salvation in the world to come. These things involve individual and personal testimony, guidance, revelation, and spiritual knowledge. Where there is true faith there are miracles, visions, dreams, healings, and all the gifts of God that He gives to His saints. Jesus pointed out some obstacles to faith in John 5:44 and 12:39–42 (see also James 1:6–8).

Faith doesn't just appear. As we grow and work through trials (like Friday), we move forward. As we do so, we see the fruit of our faith and then we can continue to trust and have more faith. There are obstacles to faith, but as we see the Lord's hand in our lives, we learn to work past those obstacles and to trust in Him.

If things are hard right now, have faith. The Lord wants you to have peace and happiness in your life. He doesn't want to make us miserable, he wants us to be happy. Sometimes happiness is a journey, but true happiness takes work and effort. It is not an instant gratification type-of-thing. God knows not only what will bring us joy, but also the only path that will take us there.

Follow His path and have faith in Him. I'm trying to do the same, and as I try, I gradually am succeeding.

Even when I have hard days like Friday.