Last week, we had a death in the family. My cousin's four month old baby, who was diagnosed with a congenital diaphragmatic hernia when she was born, passed away on April 22. It's been an emotional week for them, and for me. I felt prompted to ask them if I could make them a gift, and my offer was accepted. So for the past week, I've been working on that. As I've browsed through pictures and videos of this beautiful and amazing soul, I have really come to know her and to love her. Even though I was never able to meet her in person, she has really affected me. She had such strength and joy, and her expressions spoke volumes. On Saturday, we had the funeral, and her mother and father spoke. Her father gave an incredible life sketch which filled in the gaps that the pictures hadn't told me. Her mother talked about lessons that she had learned from her daughter, and I wanted to share a couple of things that she taught me that day. One of the things I loved the most, was when my cousin talked about being happy. She said that for the first while, she was very sad. Not just that, but she felt like she was expected to be sad because things were very difficult. Her daughter had never left the hospital and her entire life had been uprooted as they lived hours away from their home, not knowing if her baby would survive each day. However, at one point my cousin decided that, if her daughter didn't have very long to live, she didn't want her to live her life "surrounded by sorry saps." She wanted her daughter to know happy people. So, she chose to be happy, despite her circumstances, and she said that this decision changed everything. The other thing I really liked that they kept bringing up was miracles. We had quite a few fasts for their baby in our home, and we had a few family fasts with everyone else. Every time, something miraculous happened that helped this baby stay until her time on earth was completed. Miracles are real, and they do happen today. I have seen so many in our lives, and I'm so grateful for the reminder that this incredible little girl gave to us. It has been a difficult, but wonderful week. I have felt the Spirit so many times, and I have felt a lot of love for family and friends. I'm grateful for my cousin and her family. They have helped me grow and come closer to my Savior.
A couple weeks ago, I was feeling a bit directionless. However, when we visited the temple the day after this sweet baby girl passed away, I received some important counsel for myself. The Lord basically told me that I can be stronger than I am; I can have more patience and faith. If I'm struggling with faith and hope, I need to pray to Him and He will sustain me. I need to quit giving up so easily and I need to do better, because I'm capable of so much more. Since then, I've been trying to have more faith and hope. I'm learning to trust in the Lord's timing and in His plan for me and my family. Loss is very difficult, but I am so grateful for the things I have learned from this experience. I do feel that I have become a better person because of it.
We've been learning a lot of lessons lately as we've been waiting for prayers to be answered.
It's been over three years since we started trying to have a second child, and at times it has been heart-breaking and terrible. It has also taught us so much, and I'm so grateful for the lessons that I have learned.
One of the most recent lessons came from a friend of mine. She had gone through a similar experience, but in her case, she had to wait seven years for her second child! That's seems like such a long time. I know Abraham's wife, Sarah, had to wait even longer, and I can't even imagine. However, never once do we hear of her complaining or doubting.
Anyway, my friend told me, that when her son turned three, he decided he wanted a little sister, and every day for four years this little boy prayed for a sister. Never once did he ask why God hadn't answered his prayers. He just continued to pray in faith, knowing that the Lord would answer when the time was right. She told me that she learned a lot about prayer from her son.
I'm really grateful to her for sharing that experience with me, and hope that she doesn't mind that I have shared it on here. It made a big difference in my understanding of how to pray.
I think sometimes, I get impatient with the Lord. I think, "I'm ready now, please send the blessings!" and then nothing happens.
I'm learning, albeit slowly, to trust. It's one thing to tell myself that I know that God can do anything, and another thing to believe that His timing is perfect and trust in that. I'm realizing that faith without patience and trust, isn't really faith at all. It is me, showing Heavenly Father that I think I know better than Him. If I truly believe that He wants what's best for me, I also need to believe that He knows when is best for me.
Unlike my friend's son, I have doubted and struggled. Every month, it has seemed that I've gotten my hopes up, only to have disappointment spear through me like a knife.
I've struggled with knowing how to hope, while avoiding the pain of disappointment and continuing to pray faithfully for a child.
I know it is a righteous desire, and I have received confirmation that we will have another child from my Heavenly Father. I only need to have patience and trust that the child will come when he/she is supposed to.
In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints' Bible dictionary, under the topic of prayer, it says:
As soon as we learn the true relationship in which we stand toward God (namely, God is our Father, and we are His children), then at once prayer becomes natural and instinctive on our part (Matt. 7:7–11). Many of the so-called difficulties about prayer arise from forgetting this relationship. Prayer is the act by which the will of the Father and the will of the child are brought into correspondence with each other. The object of prayer is not to change the will of God but to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that God is already willing to grant but that are made conditional on our asking for them. Blessings require some work or effort on our part before we can obtain them. Prayer is a form of work and is an appointed means for obtaining the highest of all blessings.
I love how it says that prayer is the "act by which the will of the Father and the will of the child are brought into correspondence with each other." Some of the best prayers I've ever said are when I've asked Heavenly Father to help me know what to pray for. Then, when he has, my prayers sound different, and I know the things that are said will come to pass.
Sometimes it's hard to keep praying for things when it seems like the answers will never come, but by doing so, we show our faith and trust in Heavenly Father. It is difficult, but the more that I've been doing it, the more peace I've had inside that the promised blessings will come as I patiently hope and trust in Him and His timing.
I know that Heavenly Father wants what's best for me. As I strive to bend myself to His will, I become more like Him. The greatest blessings in my life have come as I've heeded His counsel and done my best to follow the promptings that I've received. I am so grateful for all He has given me, and I'm trying to remember to thank Him for the blessings I already have. If I'm not grateful for what I've been given, why would He give me more?
This blog is meant to be an uplifting place where you can get away from the troubles of the world. However, the other day, I found something out that made me feel like I have been living under a rock, and I felt like I needed to share what I learned.
Tuesday, I was eating breakfast. As I am prone to do, I went to youtube looking for an animal documentary to watch while I ate.
There wasn't a specific type of animal I wanted to learn about, so I typed in "Animal documentary" to see what popped up. The first video at the top was a video called "Unexplained Mass Animal Deaths." I thought, "Hmm, that sounds interesting," so I watched it.
Here is the video. You don't have to watch it, but I thought I'd link it just in case you were interested.
Evidently, in 2011, we had a veritable flood of mass animal deaths. Animals have been dying off by the thousands, and in many occasions there has been no explanation. In this particular video they analyze four of those events and provide an explanation as to why they might have occurred. In one case, thousands of red-winged black birds were found dead all over one town in Arkansas. In just a couple days time, thousand of fish were also found dead in a river just a few miles north. It was a fascinating, if somewhat horrifying documentary.
"That's interesting," I thought, "I don't remember hearing about this." So I looked it up some more. Evidently, these deaths are happening in increasing numbers. These deaths usually seem to be tied to the sea, as most of the mass deaths have either been fish, marine animals, or birds that typically hang around water.
There is actually a google maps map that is dedicated to just showing areas where mass animal deaths have occurred just in 2011. Here is a link if you are interested. Mass Animal Death Google Map Link
And evidently, those deaths have just been increasing. Here is a list that someone compiled just from 2014. Yes, that means in the last two months. The list is at the bottom of the page. The person who compiled it has also done a list from 2011-2013. (I don't know anything else about the person who compiled this list, so I wouldn't necessarily recommend looking at their other links. Unless you want to.) Link Here. Here are just a few examples from February of this year that I copied and pasted if you don't want to click on the link.
5th February 2014 - 70 TONS of fish have died in Lake Sebu in South Cotabato, Philippines. Link
5th February 2014 - 12 dead Albatross found on Ripiro Beach, 'never seen anything like it' in New Zealand. Link
5th February 2014 - Hundreds of fish found dead in Vasse Estuary, Australia. Link
5th February 2014 - 2.4 MILLION+ Chickens and Ducks killed due to outbreak of Avian flu in South Korea. Link
5th February 2014 - Hundreds of fish found dead in Bashan Park River in Singapore. Link
4th February 2014 - 1,122+ Turtles wash ashore dead during January on beaches in Andhra Pradesh, India. Link
4th February 2014 - 400+ dolphins wash up dead during January on beaches in Northern Peru. Link
3rd February 2014 - Millions of Sea stars still dying off on west coast of America. Link
2nd February 2014 - Thousands of fish found dead in a river in Banyumas, Indonesia. Link
Did everyone else know about this? Why don't I remember hearing about it?
As I looked into this, I find out that other strange things have been occurring. The natural disasters have been kind of out-of-control as well.
I'm going to be honest, I hate watching or listening to the news anymore. It's super negative and sometimes downright depressing. There is rarely anything hopeful or inspiring about it. However, this event reminded me that as much as I hate the news, it is still important to stay informed.
That's not gravel, that's fish
You can draw your own conclusions about these mass die-offs. For me personally, it has religious significance, but I'm not denying there is probably a scientific reason for it.
I'm not writing this post to depress you or scare you, though I did find myself a bit disturbed after finding this out. Instead, I writing this as a warning to myself. What else am I missing? What other events have been occurring while I've been purposefully sheltering myself?
Do I think these are signs that Christ is coming?
Yes.
Does that scare me?
No. That brings me hope. No matter how bad things get or what tragedies are befalling our planet, if we are doing our best to have faith in our Savior and follow his commandments, we are going to be okay. Bad things are still going to happen, but we can find peace in this turbulent world. There are a lot of terrible things happening now, but there is always hope.
Often, there are also things we can do to help those around us. Being good friends and neighbors can help us to connect to the world around us. Maybe we can't do anything about the events world-wide, but we can do our best to make our community a better and safer place. We are not in this alone. We are surrounded by our brothers and sisters, and we are meant to face the coming times together.
Take courage. "Fear not: for they that be with us are more than they that be with them." (2 Kings 6:16)
Last night, I had a bad dream. In my dream, there was a little girl spirit who was evil. In her life she had murdered four people, including her brother. She was somewhat safe when she was in the form of a girl, but when she got upset, she would gain all the powers of darkness and attack us. It was a rather intense dream.
When I woke up, I was a bit scared, so I began to pray. That's when the realization hit me. Why hadn't I done that in the dream?
In horror films, we are so often presented with ghosts and demons, that we don't think about the other side of the coin. If ghosts and demons are real, doesn't that mean that God is real too?
As I continued this thought process, I realized that in almost all of the scary movies I had seen that the hero or heroine generally tries to defeat the 'monster' by themselves. They try to use flesh to overcome their adversary.
Man is a lot of things, but we are not necessarily light. We all have both light and darkness to our personalities. We can only be influenced by dark if we choose to allow darkness into our lives, but the only thing that will truly dispel darkness is light.
Wouldn't horror movies be different if the next time the hero was attacked by an evil spirit, they got down on their knees and prayed for divine protection?
Part of the reason that scary movies frighten us so much is because they deal with the supernatural, with things that we don't understand and can't fight. However, we can fight them. The Adversary only has as much power as we give him. Light always trumps darkness, and God is stronger than any other power.
That doesn't mean those powers aren't real. They are as real as God himself. However, we have the choice to embrace them or deny them. If we turn to God, He will give us the power to overcome our trials, tribulations, and temptations. He will help us when we are frightened and scared.
One of the most interesting scary movies I've ever watched was The Exorcism of Emily Rose. It made a lasting impact on my mind. I haven't seen it since 2005, but I remember that it was a deeply religious movie, and very different from any other film that I had even seen. Instead of just having shocking and frightening scenes, it delved into the fact that if the Devil is real, then so is God.
It compared psychosis and epilepsy to demonic possession and posed the question, "Does demonic possession exist, and is it often misdiagnosed as a mental illness?" I have actually wondered this question myself as I read through the New Testament. Anyway, in terms of the movie, I think it actually had a very nice, spiritual ending. It left a good impression on my mind. I didn't agree with everything that was said, but the intention was good.
In our own lives, we often try to be that hero or heroine that takes on darkness by ourselves. We think that we are strong enough to stand alone and overcome whatever life can throw at us. Again I say, the only thing that dispels darkness is light. The only thing strong enough to overcome the world is our Savior, Jesus Christ. If we don't turn to him for protection and power, we won't be strong enough to resist the evils of this life.
These are the thoughts that my dream brought this morning. I found them interesting, but they also bring up another question.
