MM: Hushing our Fears

We are officially down to the last week.

Grig's job ends on Saturday. If we don't find a new job before then, we are unemployed.

Though we have had many reassurances throughout these last few month, we are still becoming somewhat stressed. It's not so easy to have peace and faith when a deadline is looming on the horizon.

That's not to say that we're doubting the Lord, or the feelings that we've had. Instead, we just aren't sure about His timing. His timing is often not the same as our timing.

When Grig ends this Saturday, he will get 2 weeks worth of severance pay for sticking it out to the end. He will also receive his unused vacation time in a monetary form. Add all that to the fact that this is a three pay-period month, and we have a bit of extra money to live off of.

Personally, I've been hoping and praying that having this extra money will mean that we can have a baby soon, but the fear inside my heart is saying that it just means we'll use it all up while Grig is looking for a job.

While speaking about this to my mother today, she reminded me of a talk from a General Conference a few months ago. It was given by Elder Bednar, and it was titled "Therefore They Hushed Their Fears."

In his talk, he says:

An example from the Book of Mormon highlights the power of the knowledge of the Lord (see 2 Peter 1:2–8;Alma 23:5–6) to dispel fear and provide peace even as we confront great adversity.

In the land of Helam, Alma’s people were frightened by an advancing Lamanite army.

“But Alma went forth and stood among them, and exhorted them that they should not be frightened, but … should remember the Lord their God and he would deliver them.

“Therefore they hushed their fears” (Mosiah 23:27–28).

Notice Alma did not hush the people’s fears. Rather, Alma counseled the believers to remember the Lord and the deliverance only He could bestow (see 2 Nephi 2:8). And knowledge of the Savior’s protecting watchcare enabled the people to hush their own fears...

...But can we hush the fears that so easily and frequently beset us in our contemporary world? The answer to this question is an unequivocal yes. Three basic principles are central to receiving this blessing in our lives: (1) look to Christ, (2) build upon the foundation of Christ, and (3) press forward with faith in Christ. 

 I really appreciated this reminder from my mother. These last few months have been a series of trials. However, they have also been a series of miracles. Each trial has in some way also been a blessing. We have learned so much and grown quite a bit.

One of the biggest miracles that we received today was when Grig's job has offered employees to work in the line next week. Grig volunteered. If you work even one day in a month, the insurance covers you for that entire month. That will mean that we have insurance in November as well. Hopefully by the end of November, we will have found a job.

Despite these miracles, I am still struggling with my faith. It is hard to wait for promised blessings. As I look forward to Christmas and realize that we may not be able to afford much this year, I feel strange. Though my parents made little and were never rich, we never wanted for anything. I've never had to worry about not receiving Christmas presents.

Honestly, I don't know that I have to worry about it this year either. We've already had kind friends and family step in and tell us that they will buy Christmas for us if we can't.

As I am writing this blog and trying to talk about my fears and stress, I keep having all of the wonderful blessings that we have received come into my mind and push away the worry. Perhaps writing this blog was what I needed after all.

Link

One of the biggest blessings that I personally have received this week is that Kevin has been potty-training himself. Last weekend, he woke up and randomly said, "I need to go potty." He has had very few accidents since. He has yet to poop in the potty, but he hasn't had any kind of accident in two days. That's been really exciting for me, and for some reason, I am just bursting with pride with how he's doing.

I feel like I'm one of those random mothers who wants to yell, "My son's using the potty!" in the middle of the grocery store because I am so proud of him. I never thought I'd want to do something like that.

I haven't yet, but I want to.

So, despite the fact that we're a bit stressed and worried, we are trying to turn to the Savior and allow Him to hush our fears. We have had quite a bit of peace, and when I focus on that, I can feel the stress dissolve. That doesn't mean that it is gone, but it certainly helps.

We know the Lord told us to buy this home for a reason. We also know that He will provide as we do what He asks us to do. We have been trying to be obedient and charitable. I know that Grig will find a job, and it will be the job that the Lord wants him to have.

Things will work out.

2 Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Kevin and the Bee

Once upon a time, there was a little boy who loved bugs. His name was Kevin.

His parents, who held no fear of them (for the most part), had taught him at a young age that all bugs say "Bzzz" and that it was okay to pick them up. As the boy grew older, he loved to watch ants, rip apart beetles (including cockroaches), and carry roly pollies in his hands. The roly pollies were probably his favorite. He loved the way that they rolled up into little balls. If he found one, he would carry it along for all his outdoor adventures until finally it would drop into the grass, uncurl, and walk away.

However, one day (yesterday) while at his grandparents' home, he finally met the source of the "bzzz" noise.

It was a pleasant furry creature that was playing around beautiful flowers. It had gorgeous yellow and black stripes and it buzzed peacefully through the air. Kevin was thrilled. His parents warned him not to touch them, but Kevin was fascinated by the creatures and he kept trying to catch them.

His parents finally decided that the only way he was going to learn about bees was to let him get himself stung. His mother, in painful suspense, waited in horror for the moment when Kevin would impale his tiny fingers on the stinger of the bee.

Kevin finally caught a bee, but to the shock and amazement of everyone who watched, he grabbed it in the perfect place: right around the thorax. The bee was trapped with its head hidden inside Kevin's fat, chubby fingers and its abdomen (with the dreadful stinger) sticking out. It was the only part of the bee that was visible, and it swung wildly around trying to attack whoever held it. Kevin had the protection of angels that day as he kept pointing at the stinger and drawing near to it and saying, "This?" but never actually touching it.

He was excited, and wanted (as he always did) to show his prize off to his parents. How could he know that his mother was somewhat terrified of flying insects with stingers?

As he proudly held out the bee stinger-first to his mother, she surprised him by darting away and running as he chased her around the yard. This wasn't normally how she reacted when  he handed her bugs and he found it confusing.

"Give it to your daddy!" his mom said as she kept out of his reach. Everyone was laughing at the spectacle of the toddler chasing his mother around with a live bee.

Kevin decided to do what his mother said. He turned around and walked over to his daddy, who dutifully held out his hand, expecting to get stung by the sweeping barb. His dad wasn't afraid of flying insects with stingers.

However, as Kevin released the insect into his father's care, instead of landing in his dad's hand, it flew into the air and resumed its buzzing around the flowers.

Relieved that no one (including the bee) had been harmed, Kevin and his parents decided to return to their home.

And they all lived happily ever after...until the next time.

P.S.

I have been handed some pretty interesting things by Kevin. One day he had something in his hand that he wanted to give me, so I held my hand out and he dropped a spider into it. I was a little surprised. Usually he gives me pieces of paper he finds and not living creatures. I let the spider go outside.

Another day, he came over and I found that he had caught a cockroach. The head and thorax were pinched between two fingers in his left hand and the abdomen was in his right fingers.That was a very dead cockroach. I told him he could do that to every cockroach he found.

Funny, funny boy.

Why I'm Afraid of Hornets

I love animals.

All animals.

I'm not just saying that. In general, if it is alive, I like it. That includes bugs, snakes, and other creepy-crawly things. I am fascinated with all forms of animal life that God has put on the earth. Wolves are my favorite, but I get excited when I see any animal. On my mission, I made people laugh when I wrote in one of my letters, "The Lord answered my prayers today. We ran into a tarantula on the way home!"

Which is why it is so funny that hornets frighten me.

They don't just scare me, they literally make me dance. In fact, my family calls it "The Bee Dance." Which is funny, because bees don't really scare me.

In fact, I like bees. They are useful and if they sting you, they die. Yes, maybe their sting caused me some pain, but they usually don't sting without reason. When they do sting, they give their lives in the effort of protecting their hive.

Hornets (or yellow-jackets), on the other hand, don't. A hornet can sting as much as it wants without causing any harm to itself. They are aggressive and fearless.

I've always wanted to know the reason behind things. If my parents told me to do something, I would ask, "Why?" I wasn't trying to be rebellious, I really wanted to know. If I understood the reason, then it was much easier for me to follow the command (though I'm sure this drove my parents crazy sometimes). I love finding out how things work and why people do the things they do. This is why hornets seem so terrifying to me.

My first bad experience was in middle school. Up to that point, I didn't have an issue with hornets. However, one day, as I walked home with some siblings and friends, we stopped to talk for a moment. I decided to sit down on the grass and rest while our conversation was going on.

One second later, I jumped up. Pain had erupted from my backside and I looked down to see a hornet struggling to get up from where I had been sitting. I took off running for home as fast as I could with my friends calling after me, "What happened?"

"I sat on a hornet!" I yelled back. This experience, though painful, left me cautious but not frightened. There had been a reason behind the attack, and so I understood where the insect was coming from.

However, when I was in junior high I had an entirely different experience.

I was painting the side of a building. I knew there were hornet nests close, but I was pretty far away from any of them. I wasn't threatening their nest and I was going about my own business.

Suddenly, I felt a sharp pain shoot through my left elbow. I looked down to see a yellow-jacket emptying its toxin into my elbow. I began to yell and dance. My paint tray flew and I'm sure it was a hilarious sight.

That really started my horror of hornets. I couldn't see any reason behind the attack, and when there isn't a reason, the creature becomes unpredictable. From that time on, I began to fear the insect. If one flew toward me I would run. If one settled down on a surface near me, I would move. If one was crawling up my sleeve, I would panic. If I was holding the base of a ladder for my father and one began to fly at my face, I would dance.

Even looking at this picture makes me shudder a bit. 

My father wasn't very happy about the last one, but he lived through it. However, it could be detrimental to my work. I had a hard time working hard when hornets were even in the vicinity. I couldn't focus on the task at hand, I was too busy worrying about when the next attack might come. I had to keep my eyes trained on them at all times in case they charged me.

I'm getting over my fear a bit. Now I can remain still for a while when a yellow and black winged-death is zooming around me. However, if they come too close, I will still run. Their sting may not be that significant (to me), but I can't help it. The fear is still there.

Sometimes when I watch the news, I see people do terrible things, and I can't understand why. In some cases, I don't want to know why. When those events occur, I feel fear. I fear for our world and our society and the fear is made greater because I just don't understand why someone would do something like that.

However, the opposite of fear is faith. The hornets in our world can sting for a brief time, but that is as far as their power goes. The pain they cause my be significant and unexpected, but the Lord can heal all wounds. If we have faith and trust, fear can disappear. We can know that regardless of what happens in this life, the Lord will bring us comfort and peace.

Hornets (both the bug and the people kind) can be terrifying. However, if I live my life in fear, waiting for the next sting to occur, I'll never get anything done. We can't live our lives and find joy in the moment when we're waiting for the next terrible thing to unexpectedly occur. Bad things will happen, hornets will sting, and people will make terrible choices, but if we have faith, the fear will disappear and we will live happy and joyful lives.

Maybe there is a reason for hornets after all.

Why Do We Fear the Homeless?

The situation:

You are walking toward a corner where you know a homeless person is standing.  They are holding a sign.  As you approach, you wonder frantically how you should handle the situation.  Should you just ignore them?  Avert your eyes?  Or should you give them something?  The feelings of dread and uncertainty fill you.  What should you do?

Nine times out of ten, people probably just avert their eyes and keep on walking.  To be honest, I feel really bad doing this, but I often do it too.

Why is it that we are so scared of homeless people?  What is it that makes us avoid them like plague-victims?

I've been thinking about this lately.

The other day, I was walking home from Wal-mart with my baby on my shoulder.  Ahead on the corner, was a man holding a sign that said, "Fallen upon hard times, please help."  I didn't have anything to give him and so I was a little nervous about what he would do or say as I approached.  I was carrying Kevin, and as I approached I was balancing on the curb edge, because there wasn't a sidewalk.

As I approached the man, he said to me, "You have good balance." 

I smiled as him and said, "Thank you."  Then, Kevin waved at him, and we continued on after telling him to have a good day.

I was a little bit surprised.  He was a really nice, funny man.  I think that sometimes we forget that.  I certainly did.   

Grig is really good about wanting to help those in need.  When we were leaving a different Wal-mart another day, there was a lady with a sign that said, "Diabetic, just lost my job."  We had an extra loaf of bread, and so we gave it to her.  She seemed really grateful.

 On my mission in Texas, we often would see homeless people on the highway corners by the stoplights.  If we had extra food, we would offer it to them.  We sure didn't have money.  I, and Grig, have always tried to make it a policy to never give money to homeless people.  If they won't accept food, they're really not that desperate.  I have seen people claiming to be in need of help, that throw food back at people who offered it to them.  They just want money.

Yesterday, my youngest brother and I were walking around a city, and we had to pass a corner where a lady was standing with a sign several times.  Every time, my brother would move to my side as far from the lady as possible.  Then, he expressed fear when we would have to go in that direction.  It set me to thinking about why we have such a fearful stigma.  This is what I decided.

1- They sometimes look dirty or scary  

I think this might be why my brother was so frightened of them.  Their appearance is usually unkempt, and they don't usually look very happy.  There is a good reason for this.  Those who are actually homeless don't have very much access to showers.  However, I have heard of some scammers who apply makeup and old clothes to help instigate the 'pity vibe'.  This is where people feel sorry for them because they look so terrible.   So, this one can cause fear or pity.

2- We're afraid they'll ask us for money or we feel bad, but don't know how to help

This is often the one that I feel the most.  A lot of times, we don't have money to give, or we're afraid that they're scammers or drug-addicts.  Either way, we don't want to give them money if they don't really need it.  That's why food is such a good option.  If they really need it, it's a way you can help without possibly contributing to another problem for them.  It also helps illuminate the ones who aren't really in need of assistance.  

If I don't have food on me, I feel bad about it, and I still want to help.  However, because I have no way to do so, I don't want to look at them or have them focus on me.   Therefore aversion is a common solution.  If I don't look at them, they won't notice me not looking at them.

I think this is the worse thing we can do.  They are still people, and a smile can go a long way.  I try to always tell them to have a good day and smile at them.  However, there is the risk that they will think I'm mocking them, and that worries me too.  Mostly, I just try to treat them as human beings.

3- We are afraid of becoming like them

I think this might be the deep-set reason in most of us.  When we see the people on the street, on some level, we might fear that eventually we'll become like that.  They probably had jobs at one time, families, and everything was probably going great.  Then, suddenly they lost their job, their family broke up, and they're on the street.  It could happen to anyone.  I think sometimes we see the homeless, and we see a future that we don't even want to consider.

And perhaps, that's the real reason they scare us so much. 

So, smile at them.  Give where you can, but be careful.  Try to avoid money.  Serving at a food bank or a similar place is a much better option than handing out money on the street.  Sometimes I wish I could offer them all jobs, but I don't have the means to do so.  Generally, they're very nice people.  If we give them a chance, they can surprise us. 

Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury

 For Christmas, my husband wanted Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury.  I'd never read the book before, but it fit into our Christmas budget, so I got it for him.  Yesterday, while I was putting Adam down for a nap I began to read it.

Pretty heavy book.  It reminded me a bit of Brave New World but cleaner.  However, the depressing futuristic view of society was similar.  The premise is this:

The main character is a fireman, a man who the government pays to start fires.  And what do firemen burn?  They burn books.  Books are controversial and offend minorities, so it's just easier for everyone if they don't have to think.  Society is at a point where people like instantaneous gratification and so every second of every moment they are bombarded with images and are constantly doing 'things'.  Everyone is pumped full of facts and knowledge, but none of those facts require a person to think.  Everyone is meant to be the same so that no one ever disagrees, because controversy makes you unhappy.  People live their lives in fantasy worlds where the interactive television has become family and is more important than the family actually living in your home.  Children are a hobby, and if you do bother to have them, you ship them off to school nearly from the cradle.

The book follows the journey of the main character as he begins to realize that though his society is meant to erase unhappiness, he is not happy and something is missing from his life. 

That's all I want to say about the plot.  I can't say I really enjoyed this book.  I liked it.  It was very well written and very interesting, but depressing.  My husband Grig loves Ray Bradbury.  Though I would recommend this book as one that people should probably read and one I will probably read again, I can't say that it is one that brought me boundless happiness.  The ending wasn't necessarily depressing and it left me feeling hopeful, but reading books about 'bleak, dystopian futures' (as the amazon description put it) always makes me feel a little sad.  Obviously it was easy to see the comparison between our society and the one in the book, but at the same time the thought of living in a society like that feels me with a sense of dread and possibly fear.

However, I do take comfort in the fact that if our society every really got even close to being that bad, that the Savior's second coming would occur long before that.  That may seem strange that that's my comfort, but it is.

The book made me think a lot about the future, but I know that as I keep God's commandments, everything will be okay and our family will be protected and taken care of.

So, if you want a thought-provoking, well-written, and intriguing read, pick up Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451.  If you want to feel happy, go watch My Little Pony.

In the Hands of the Lord

 

In church last week, they were talking about putting everything in the hands of the Lord.  A woman then related a story that reminded me of one of my own.  I wanted to share that story.

When I was pregnant with Kevin, I was very worried about him.  My sister had lost a baby in a tragic, yet sacred way, and my sister-in-law had experienced a miscarriage.  So, I was nearly constantly worried about the baby miscarrying.  More than anything, I wanted to have children, and the thought that I would not be able to hold my baby in my arms was almost more than I could bear.

So, I asked my husband to give me a blessing.  As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we believe that Christ's authority has been restored to the Earth.  We believe that there is a proper line of authority which came straight from Christ himself and can only be passed on by one who has the authority from God to do so.  Through the grace and kindness of God, that has now been made available to every worthy man in the church. My husband has the priesthood (or this authority).  So, when he laid his hands on my head to give me a blessing of comfort, I knew that he wasn't speaking with his own voice, but the voice of the Lord.

The blessing he gave me was not what I wanted, but it was what I needed.  The Lord didn't tell me that the baby would be okay.  He didn't tell me that the pregnancy would go off without a hitch.  Instead, he told me that He loved the baby and that the He was mindful of us.  I felt the peace of the spirit fill me, and I was comforted.  I realized that even if the baby did die, he would be in the Lord's hands, and everything would be okay.  I simply needed to trust in the Lord.  Thanks to the covenants that I have made in the temple, even if the baby did die, he would still be mine forever as long as I lived righteously and kept my covenants with God.  It was very comforting to turn over my fear to the Lord.

Kevin was born just fine (though the actual birthing process had a few complications which I may talk about later.)  He is an adorable boy, and I love him more than I ever thought possible.  Sometimes I still worry a bit for him, but then I am reminded of what the Lord told me.  Regardless of what happens in this life, if we trust in the Lord it will all work for our good.  My children (present and future) are safe in the hands of the Lord.