The Disturbing Similarities Between Child and Pet Adoption Sites

 

Back when we didn't have a dog yet, I spent some time perusing petfinder.com and adoptapet.com.  Both were wonderful sites for finding rescue pets who needed homes.  Online, there are thousands of videos showing pets who have been rescued from the streets and are in need of "forever homes".  They ask people who want to help to donate money, or go into foster care.

People spend millions paying for their pets every year.  Taking them to the vet, buying them toys, and donating to pets that are in need of homes.  I've even seen cases where concerned and generous people will pay to help a dog have corrective surgery so that it can live a normal life for only a few more years.
I'm not saying that's bad.  I love animals, and I appreciate all the people out there in the world who do their best to help living creatures in need.  However, in 2011, people spent $61 BILLION on pets, and every year that number continues to rise.  People spent roughly three times more on pet costumes than they do on costumes for their children. Here the article where I got that information if you want to read it: "Millions on Pet Halloween Costumes? Why We Spend More and More on Pets"  In this article, it mentions that part of the reason for this trend is that Americans are waiting longer to have children, and then living longer after their children leave home.  However, because they still feel the need to nurture, they buy pets, and then treat them like the children they don't have.

Another interesting article "Why America's Falling Birth Rate is Sensational News for the Pet Industry".  This article talks about how the majority of people who are spending so much on their pets are those with lots of money and no children.  However, it mentions that in some homes with children, the pets are now on equal ground and treated identically.

That makes me a little sick, I'm not going to lie.  As much as I love our dog, Kevin, and other children that we are going to have, will always come first.  She is a pet.  They are my offspring.

I'll admit, I've been occasionally tempted to be a foster-care home for a pet in need, but then I remembered that there was an entirely more important type of foster care system out there.

The foster care of children. Why are we so willing to help an animal in need, but we ignore the cries of hungry children all over the world?

I have a few friends who foster and adopt children.  One of them recently was explaining why they do that to me.  I found the conversation fascinating.  The couple now has five children total and two are foster with pending adoption.  She told me that if you are going to foster children you need to be willing to adopt them on a permanent basis.  "Children can accept that their original home had issues," she said, "but when they come to your home, that doesn't have any problems and you send them away, the child begins to ask 'What is wrong with me?'"  She told me that when they decided to foster, they made the decision that they would only foster to adopt.  She then continued, "If my own child had something horrible happen to them, I wouldn't send them away when they misbehaved.  If they come into my home, they become my own children."

That was a really neat conversation.  I'm seriously thinking about fostering and adopting now.  Right now, we're not at the right place for it, but eventually we might be.  Children are more important than pets.  This is an absolute fact.  People have argued that we are just animals and we are no better than them, thus we should treat them the same as we would be treated, but even animals will care for their young before anything else.  Shouldn't we do the same?  Children are our future, animals are not, regardless if 1 million people have left their pets as their sole benefactor. 

Today, another friend posted a link to an adoption site with children in need.  Here's the link: http://archive.constantcontact.com/fs124/1101154865724/archive/1115286336660.html I went there, and to my horror, found almost the exact same phrases used that were used at the pet adoption sites.

"These siblings will soon be separated!" "Gets along well with others" "Controls impulses" "Health Concerns" "Special Needs"  "Awaiting her forever home"

It sounded like the descriptions were written by the same people!

I don't know about you, but if it came down to helping a dog that was starving on the side of the street and helping a child, I would help the child.  Ideally we would do both, but really, the child should come first.  I wish we spent as much time and money and youtube videos advertising for those children in need as we do for those animals. 

Why Do We Fear the Homeless?

The situation:

You are walking toward a corner where you know a homeless person is standing.  They are holding a sign.  As you approach, you wonder frantically how you should handle the situation.  Should you just ignore them?  Avert your eyes?  Or should you give them something?  The feelings of dread and uncertainty fill you.  What should you do?

Nine times out of ten, people probably just avert their eyes and keep on walking.  To be honest, I feel really bad doing this, but I often do it too.

Why is it that we are so scared of homeless people?  What is it that makes us avoid them like plague-victims?

I've been thinking about this lately.

The other day, I was walking home from Wal-mart with my baby on my shoulder.  Ahead on the corner, was a man holding a sign that said, "Fallen upon hard times, please help."  I didn't have anything to give him and so I was a little nervous about what he would do or say as I approached.  I was carrying Kevin, and as I approached I was balancing on the curb edge, because there wasn't a sidewalk.

As I approached the man, he said to me, "You have good balance." 

I smiled as him and said, "Thank you."  Then, Kevin waved at him, and we continued on after telling him to have a good day.

I was a little bit surprised.  He was a really nice, funny man.  I think that sometimes we forget that.  I certainly did.   

Grig is really good about wanting to help those in need.  When we were leaving a different Wal-mart another day, there was a lady with a sign that said, "Diabetic, just lost my job."  We had an extra loaf of bread, and so we gave it to her.  She seemed really grateful.

 On my mission in Texas, we often would see homeless people on the highway corners by the stoplights.  If we had extra food, we would offer it to them.  We sure didn't have money.  I, and Grig, have always tried to make it a policy to never give money to homeless people.  If they won't accept food, they're really not that desperate.  I have seen people claiming to be in need of help, that throw food back at people who offered it to them.  They just want money.

Yesterday, my youngest brother and I were walking around a city, and we had to pass a corner where a lady was standing with a sign several times.  Every time, my brother would move to my side as far from the lady as possible.  Then, he expressed fear when we would have to go in that direction.  It set me to thinking about why we have such a fearful stigma.  This is what I decided.

1- They sometimes look dirty or scary  

I think this might be why my brother was so frightened of them.  Their appearance is usually unkempt, and they don't usually look very happy.  There is a good reason for this.  Those who are actually homeless don't have very much access to showers.  However, I have heard of some scammers who apply makeup and old clothes to help instigate the 'pity vibe'.  This is where people feel sorry for them because they look so terrible.   So, this one can cause fear or pity.

2- We're afraid they'll ask us for money or we feel bad, but don't know how to help

This is often the one that I feel the most.  A lot of times, we don't have money to give, or we're afraid that they're scammers or drug-addicts.  Either way, we don't want to give them money if they don't really need it.  That's why food is such a good option.  If they really need it, it's a way you can help without possibly contributing to another problem for them.  It also helps illuminate the ones who aren't really in need of assistance.  

If I don't have food on me, I feel bad about it, and I still want to help.  However, because I have no way to do so, I don't want to look at them or have them focus on me.   Therefore aversion is a common solution.  If I don't look at them, they won't notice me not looking at them.

I think this is the worse thing we can do.  They are still people, and a smile can go a long way.  I try to always tell them to have a good day and smile at them.  However, there is the risk that they will think I'm mocking them, and that worries me too.  Mostly, I just try to treat them as human beings.

3- We are afraid of becoming like them

I think this might be the deep-set reason in most of us.  When we see the people on the street, on some level, we might fear that eventually we'll become like that.  They probably had jobs at one time, families, and everything was probably going great.  Then, suddenly they lost their job, their family broke up, and they're on the street.  It could happen to anyone.  I think sometimes we see the homeless, and we see a future that we don't even want to consider.

And perhaps, that's the real reason they scare us so much. 

So, smile at them.  Give where you can, but be careful.  Try to avoid money.  Serving at a food bank or a similar place is a much better option than handing out money on the street.  Sometimes I wish I could offer them all jobs, but I don't have the means to do so.  Generally, they're very nice people.  If we give them a chance, they can surprise us. 

Of Mice and Moving

Yesterday was a cray day.  It started out normal enough.  I spent the morning blogging, working on stories, working on the next Dragon and the Wolf video (which will be coming out on the 15th), playing with Kevin, cooking, and cleaning.

However, about 3 p.m. (I have to put the p.m., because this week I've been up helping Grig get to work at 3 a.m.), I got a text from our neighbor.  As a side note, this neighbor is the one whose daughter (Angela) we've been babysitting.  They were moving out and they needed help.  The mother is pregnant, and the grandmother who lives with her had knee surgery a few months ago.

Grig's brother, who is living with us, was the only help I had.  I put on my baby backpack, stuck Kevin in, and he and I went to work.  We started moving out all of their stuff.  Here's a neat thing that happened though.  A couple weeks ago, we pulled all of the boxes from our house that we'd used to move in.  We broke them apart, and put them in our trunk.  We kept meaning to take them to the recycling center, but it never happened.  Turns out, that was a blessing.  Our neighbors really needed those boxes.

However, Grig was at work until 3:30, so I told them that they would have to wait until Grig brought the car back home.  She said that was fine, and so my brother-in-law and I took out what we could until Grig came home.

Except he never came!  It was 4:00, and he still hadn't shown up.  Kevin was getting tired, thirsty, and sweaty from being in the backpack.  I was thirsty as well, so we went up to get a drink.  Do you know how hard it is to help a baby drink from a sippy cup when they're on your back?  We did a rather complicated dance for a while, and then I slipped off one of the shoulder straps, and we succeeded.  Luckily, once I get the cup to him, he can hold it alright.  At 4:10, I checked my phone.  Grig had texted to tell me he wouldn't be home until 4:30.  We kept working.  Finally, at 4:45, he came home.  My brother-in-law had needed to eat something and Grig had just come home from a twelve hour workday, so I told him to go shower, and I left Kevin with my brother-in-law while I went to get the boxes.

The boxes were stacked in such a way that it was easiest to carry them if you had two people because then you could grab the biggest one together and all the other boxes sat on top.  That's how Grig and I carried it out.  However, I didn't remember that until I got the car pulled up to the side of the apartment.  So, it ended up taking me three trips to get all the boxes up.  There wasn't much more we could do at that point, but I told them to let us know when they needed us to help haul boxes down again.

About a half an hour later, after Grig and his brother had left to run a couple errands quick, Angela's mother knocked on my door.

"Look what we found in my ex-boyfriend's shoe," she said.  She pointed down to the ground and there on our stairway were four baby mice.  She explained that her ex had some to get his stuff, and as he loaded his shoes, he'd seen something in the bag.  He'd opened it and a mouse had run down the stairs to the outside world.  Then he pounded out his shoes and out came the baby mice.

They were so cute!  Their eyes weren't even open, and they were shaking.  They were at that adorable stage where, when they try to move, they just kind of wobble.  Their skin was a light gray color and they were so tiny.

Here's the dilemma.  The mother mouse had run away.  I couldn't hand feed baby mice.  We didn't have the tools or money to provide for them.  If we didn't do something, they would just starve to death.  Or...we have a pet snake.

I was quite a bit torn about this.  They were really cute, and I really love animals.  I've killed very few in my life (one mink actually, and that is an interesting story that I will tell another time.)  However, these mice were going to die anyway.  I felt like at least if they fed our snake there would be a purpose to their death.  So, I scooped them into a tupperware that we use to thaw out the mice that we feed Oryx (our snake) and I left them in there until Grig got home.  I really hated to kill them.  I called my dad whose advice I trust and told him the situation.  He recommended that we freeze the mice so they wouldn't spread diseases, just in case.  He also said that freezing was a pretty humane way to kill them.

From what I've heard, it's really cold for a while, but then you feel warm and you just go to sleep.  So, when Grig got home, we talked it over and stuck the mice in the freezer.  Grig thinks we might need to boil them after to freeze them, just in case.  We'll see.  We both felt pretty bad about it, but it was comforting to know that their deaths would at least have some purpose.

Okay, so maybe we're weird for worrying about killing a couple of baby mice.  Or maybe we're cruel for killing them.  Regardless of your opinion, we were trying to make the right decision.  Maybe it would have been more humane to just smash them and put them out of their misery, but I couldn't do that.  I feel like we made the right choice.  The only question I had at the end was this:

Where's a cat when you need one?  

Anyway, when Grig and his brother got home they finished helping them move while I got the kids out of the way for a while.

So, it was a good day.  Crazy, but good. It's always nice to help out a neighbor, and we really appreciated the opportunity to help them.  We've been trying to be good neighbors and we're sad that they're moving, but she's pretty excited about it so we're happy for her.

And that is the story Of Mice and Moving.