Turning 30

This month I had my 30th birthday. I am officially three decades old. Or, as I prefer to say, one score and a decade.

I think I'm now officially in the prime of my life. That's what I've heard anyway.

For my birthday, we were able to go up and visit with my family. We had a good time and threw a baby shower for one of my sisters. My parents then took me out to Texas Roadhouse, which was amazing. I wouldn't mind making that a tradition.

I'm not where I thought I would be at 30, but I have very little to complain about. I thought I would have six kids by now, but instead I have an amazing son who says the sweetest things to me.

The other day, he became upset when his dad offered to share a strawberry with him. He began to cry, and we just figured he didn't want to share. However, he finally managed to say, "But if we eat the strawberry, Mommy won't get one!"

It melted my heart. He is such a sweet, little guy. I can't believe how old he is getting. In the morning, he lets the dogs out and is becoming such a good helper. Today he helped me clean out the fridge.

This is an amazing picture that I took. I just wanted to say that.

We have a home and two amazing dogs. We were watching a video the other day about some kids who wanted a puppy. The whole episode was about how much responsibility puppies are. I turned to Kevin and asked, "Are puppies hard or easy?"

He said, "Easy."

He loves his dogs

I laughed and said, "Yes, our dogs are easy, but that's only because we've put a lot of hard work into them."

Here's the dogs right after a bath. Aren't they beautiful? Hopefully Loki will be able to return to his family soon.

My life right now revolves around my son and that makes me happy. When people asked me what I wanted to do for a career, I'd tell them, but my deepest desire was always to be a mom of a big family. I don't know why we've had to wait so long for more children, but I am learning to trust in my Heavenly Father's plan for us.

As far as Foster Care goes, we've been waiting on bureaucracy. There's a lot of paperwork that has to be processed, and there is a checklist that we have to turn in before the home inspection can happen. There were a couple of items that we weren't able to afford until now, so we couldn't turn the checklist in.

So, I don't know if we are waiting on them or if they are waiting on us, but either way, we are still waiting.

It's been nice to enjoy some time with my husband and son though. We're really grown closer together over the last couple of months.

I don't feel any different at 30, but I have high hopes for this year. I think it's going to be a good one.

We also celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary this month. It's hard to believe that we've been married half of a decade. It's been the best experience of my life. I love being married and having a best friend who is with me through the trials and the blessings. My husband exceeds my expectations every day, and though we don't always agree, we are always willing to work through it.

Who sleeps like this?

I set some new goals this weekend, so hopefully I can continue to improve. I'm facing a new decade, so it will be exciting to see what I can accomplish.

Decisions

Lately, I've been thinking about working from home. Yesterday, I attended a meeting that involved an opportunity to work for a company. It had a pyramid-based payment format, and after listening and asking a lot of questions, I decided it wasn't for me.

However, I have been thinking a lot about starting to teach piano lessons. I think I've about decided to go for it. I want to do a little more preparation, but I think it's going to be awesome! I'm excited, but nervous too. I've been playing for nearly 26 years, but I've had limited experience teaching.

Life is pretty interesting sometimes. Often we get taken in directions we weren't expecting.

A few years ago, if you'd have asked me where I was going to be at the age of 30, I probably would have guessed that I'd be married with four or five kids. That was my hope, anyway.

However, due to the fact that the Lord hasn't sent us anymore children yet, I am married with only one kid.

I am so grateful for him.

If I'm only supposed to have one so far, I'm pretty grateful that it's Kevin. He lights up my life and makes every  day exciting. He forces me to grow and become a better person, and he makes me laugh. Sometimes being a mother is frustrating, but for me, it's always worth it.

I've always wanted to be a mother. Whenever people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I told them that I wanted to be a veterinarian...if I wasn't married. Which basically meant that I was expecting to be married with lots of kids and so I really wasn't planning on becoming a veterinarian.

I love animals, but I always yearned for my own children. I don't remember a time in my life when I didn't want to snuggle a baby or play with a child.

I was lucky enough to eventually meet an incredible guy who was perfect for me. My little brother once told me that he didn't believe in soul mates and predestined love...except in the case of my husband and me. He said that we are just too much alike.

That tickled me a bit.

I'm so grateful that I've been able to be a mother and to be able to be a stay-at-home mother. I can't imagine that anything else would be so fulfilling. Perhaps that's why it's been so difficult that we haven't been able to get pregnant again. My soul aches for more children, and sometimes it's been difficult to cling to hope.

We've really felt that eventually the Lord is going to send us more children, but we're not sure when. I've finally (after three years) admitted that something might be wrong. If we don't get pregnant this month, we're going to go see a doctor and try and figure out what's going on.

However, in the mean time, we've started considering foster care. There are a lot of children out there who could use a stable home environment. We'd like to help them, if it's the right thing for our family. We're praying about it and thinking about it.

Life is definitely always changing. We'll have to see where it takes us next.

My Views on Marriage as a Mormon

Please understand that when I write this blog post. I am NOT trying to stir up controversy. In fact, I am attempting to do the very opposite. I am trying to increase understanding. Many people don’t understand why the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons) has taken such a strong stand on marriage being between a man and a woman.

I am not an official spokesperson for the church, but I wanted to explain my views as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints as best and as simply as I can.

Here goes:

1) The sealing power has been restored to the Earth today.

In ancient times, the Lord gave His authority to His servants to act in His name. This meant that when they sealed something on Earth, it was also sealed in Heaven. Acts that occurred on Earth no longer affected things in this life only, but throughout all eternity. I believe that this authority in on the Earth and has been restored in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This means that there are servants on the Earth today who have authority from God to act in His name.

2) Temple Sealing makes marriages that can last for time and all eternity.

            In the temple, if a worthy young man and young woman prepare themselves; they can be sealed by the authority of the Lord’s servants. This temple sealing is a bit different from the standard wedding. Instead of saying, “Until death do you part,” we are told that we are now married for “time and all eternity.” Of course, without real authority from God, these are just words. I testify, however, that I know that this authority does exist and can be found in the temples. I have been sealed to my husband and as long as we both continue faithful through this life, we will be married for time and all eternity. It is not a guaranteed ticket into heaven, but we have made covenants with our Father that will lead us there if we keep them.

3) Eternal progression allows families to continue after this life

            I testify that families can be forever. “Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal,and eternal identity and purpose.”  In the next life, a sealed husband and wife will continue to have children. That is part of eternal progression. Children are an essential part of families and a key part of the Lord’s plan for happiness. Without children, things come to an end. Same-gender couples are incapable of having children. A man and woman, therefore, are essential for God’s children to progress.

4) Those that don’t have the opportunity in this life will be given it in the next

            Often, I have heard or seen people say, “But what about heterosexual couples who can’t have children? Doesn’t that invalidate your argument about the point of marriage?” Not at all.

I testify that God is a just and loving God, and this life is neither the beginning nor the end.

            The Lord has said in Isaiah 54:1 “Sing, O barren, thou that didst not bear; break forth into singing, and cry aloud, thou that didst not travail with child: for more are the children of the desolate than the children of the married wife, saith the Lord.” I testify that any blessings that are denied in this life will be multiplied in the life to come if we remain faithful. If someone is unable to marry in this life through no fault of their own, I know the Lord will make it right. If a couple is unable to bear children and they are faithful and keep the commandments, they will have children in the world to come.

            That doesn’t make it easier to endure through this life and remain faithful, but it is a comfort. It is also possible to be chaste and pure.

            I testify that whatever sins or temptations an individual will face (and we all do), that if we strive to keep the commandments of our Heavenly Father, the Lord will be by our side to bear us up, and show us how to overcome our trials.

5) The Lord loves everyone

            The Lord doesn’t want anyone to be miserable. The purpose of this life is to bring about the immortality and eternal life of humankind (Moses 1:39). We also believe that we came to this earth to have joy (2 Nephi 2:25). When we encourage others to keep the Lord’s commandments, we shouldn’t be doing it because we want to make them feel guilty; we should be doing it because we love them and want them to have joy.

            When Christ came to the earth, He boldly declared the doctrine of God. He didn’t lie or change it to suit what was popular. However, when He met those who were sinners, or people who acted contrary to the gospel, He didn’t mock them or turn them away. He loved them. He encouraged them to change their ways and follow Him, but He also accepted their decisions.

            I want to emulate my Savior. I want to love everyone, regardless of their decisions, but I want to be brave in declaring the Lord’s words as well. When we truly love someone, we have the courage to tell them that they are making bad choices and to try and help them make better ones. True love is being honest, and when people know that you love them for who they already are, they are also more receptive to hearing your words.

           

6) The only way to achieve true happiness is through the Lord’s commandments

             I know that if we keep the commandments of Heavenly Father and follow His plan, that we will be given more blessings and joy than we could ever imagine. The Lord only has one path that leads to true and unending happiness. There are many pleasures and temporary thrills on this Earth. There are even ways to gain temporary happiness. However, all of these will eventually leave people feeling unfulfilled and hungry for more. When true happiness from our Heavenly Father is found, we will no longer hunger in our souls. We will be filled.  

            I testify that I have eaten of the bread of life, and have felt the fullness of joy that accompanies it.

7) Any sexual act outside of marriage (between a man and a woman) is a sin. 

            Feeling attraction toward someone else of the same gender is not a sin. No one should feel that they are a bad person because they are feeling those temptations. However, when we choose to act upon temptations, we sin. It is normal to feel sexual attraction for another person. However, if we can wait to act upon those feelings until we are in the proper place and time (marriage), then we are being obedient to the Lord’s commandments, and we will be strengthened and aided. Our marriage will be stronger for having waited.

            That isn’t to say that if a person were to be intimate before marriage or if they have sinned in other ways that there isn’t hope. Often in this life, we make mistakes. Everyone sins, every day. The point isn’t to lose hope in oneself; it is to find hope in the atonement of our Savior. Regardless of what we’ve done in this life, the Lord has suffered for all sins, and we can find comfort and peace in Him.

Conclusion 

            

            In conclusion, this is what I believe to be truth. You are welcome to disagree with me, but please try to understand me as well. If I encourage others to believe as I do, it is only because it has brought so much joy and happiness to me, and I want the same for them. When people choose a different path, I may sorrow for them, because I know they are missing out on so much more, but I also respect their decisions and continue to love them. 

           This is my view and understanding of marriage. My beliefs on marriage are centered around God and His plan for His children. If God is removed from marriage, then there is no meaning to marriage. With God, marriage means everything, and is central to His plan of happiness.

Mormon Monday: Loving Our Students

This last week, my husband and I had an interesting discussion about children.

For me, loving kids is as natural as breathing. They are a child, therefore I care about them, and want them to be happy.

During my student teaching, we were discussing a child who was struggling, and I said something like, "He's a good kid, he's just has a hard time sitting."

One of the other teachers, who's been in education forever, looked at me and said, "You think that every kid's a good kid."

As I thought about it, I realized that, Yes, I do think that every kid is a good kid. I think most adults are really good people too. It takes a lot for me to decide to avoid someone, and even then, I usually still like them, I just don't like being around them. Getting along with people can take some effort, but it is always doable.

A couple of weeks ago, I was released from my calling as the 2nd councilor in the primary. That was pretty difficult and I cried a bit. However, the last couple of weeks my husband and I have been substituting in primary (the children's classes at church), so I've still been able to be around the children.

After teaching, Grig and I were talking about having patience with different kinds of children while teaching. Grig is a great man, and we don't always see eye-to-eye, though we communicate really well. That makes our marriage interesting and I am often challenged to look at things in a different way. We have a lot in common, but like everyone else we had different backgrounds and we are different people.

I love it, it's great!

Grig has never been a teacher, and as we were talking I had the opportunity to teach him something that I learned in college while I was studying to be an elementary teacher.

Keep in mind that I went to Brigham Young University-Idaho for college. Some of the advice we received as perspective teachers is going to differ a bit from other people's college professors' advice.

One of the most important things that my teachers taught me was to pray for my students by name. I was promised that as I did this, I would grow to love my students and I would receive inspiration that would help me teach them on an individual basis in the way that would be best for each of them.

I have since come to learn that this is true. As I have worked in primary and I prayed for children that were struggling, I really grew to love each and every one of them.

Sometimes, I could still be frustrated by some children's antics, but I cared enough about them to seek Heavenly Father's counsel and try again.

When you work and come to love other people, it makes leaving them very difficult. I am super excited about our impending move, but I am also very sad to leave our friends, ward members, and neighbors that we have come to know and love.

We're not moving very far away, but I am not very good at keeping in contact with other people.

I will miss them, but they will stay in my prayers. I know that Heavenly Father will be watching out for each and every one of them.

If you're struggling with students or other children, pray for them by name, and I know you will come to love and care for them deeply. You may even learn what you can do to help them with whatever they may be struggling with.

I testify that this is true, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Gratitude Week: Children

Today I'm grateful for children.

Often today, society has told us that we should do what we want to do first, and then after that, if you still have time, maybe have one child. 

I believe that is false.  Children are the greatest joy any person can have.  Kevin has brought some frustration, yes, but that is so miniscule compared to the blessings that have come from having him.  Children are a lot of work, but they are such a great joy.  I want to have vacations WITH my children, not FROM my children.

When Grig and I got married, we made the decision together to not wait to have children.  We prayed about it, and we believed that it was the right thing to do.  Every set of parents should make that decision between them and the Lord and do it when it feels right.  For us it was the right time, right away.  Kevin came just slightly over nine months after we were married. 

Things have worked out.  We had enough money to pay off our hospital bills completely, and we haven't really struggled since.  I know that was a blessing from God because we obeyed his commandment to 'multiply and replenish the earth.'  It is a commandment that has never been revoked. 

Kevin is such a joy.  He has a smile that just lights up my life.  He is so adventurous and happy.  Every day he learns new things, and sometimes I learn them with him. 

I have five wonderful, living nieces and a nephew.   Each of them is a joy to be around, and I am so happy that Kevin has wonderful cousins to play with. 

Grig and I would like more children, and we're letting it happen in the Lord's time.  Kevin will be a wonderful older brother.  He has a lot of love to give.  Sometimes, too much love for the dog and she has to go hide. 

He is intelligent and caring. He loves to make us laugh.  I'm pretty sure his purpose in this life is to bring joy to those around him.  I can't wait for him to grow up and for us to become friends, so I can get to know him as the incredible adult that he is going to be.  However, I am enjoying the time I have with him now and I don't want to miss a single moment. 

I have wanted to be a mother my whole life.  I got a college degree, but right now I am living my dream.  Kevin is all I could have hoped for, and I love him with all my heart. 

I understand that some people are unable to have children that desperately want them, and my heart breaks for these parents.  Know that we are thinking of you and praying that your dreams will come true as well. 

I'm grateful for children.  Teaching them is my profession and raising them is my dream.  Their innocence brings joy into my life, and I love the way the world becomes simple in their eyes.  May we all work to preserve their innocence and teach them to be responsible, hard-working, loving adults.

My little drummer boy

The Disturbing Similarities Between Child and Pet Adoption Sites

 

Back when we didn't have a dog yet, I spent some time perusing petfinder.com and adoptapet.com.  Both were wonderful sites for finding rescue pets who needed homes.  Online, there are thousands of videos showing pets who have been rescued from the streets and are in need of "forever homes".  They ask people who want to help to donate money, or go into foster care.

People spend millions paying for their pets every year.  Taking them to the vet, buying them toys, and donating to pets that are in need of homes.  I've even seen cases where concerned and generous people will pay to help a dog have corrective surgery so that it can live a normal life for only a few more years.
I'm not saying that's bad.  I love animals, and I appreciate all the people out there in the world who do their best to help living creatures in need.  However, in 2011, people spent $61 BILLION on pets, and every year that number continues to rise.  People spent roughly three times more on pet costumes than they do on costumes for their children. Here the article where I got that information if you want to read it: "Millions on Pet Halloween Costumes? Why We Spend More and More on Pets"  In this article, it mentions that part of the reason for this trend is that Americans are waiting longer to have children, and then living longer after their children leave home.  However, because they still feel the need to nurture, they buy pets, and then treat them like the children they don't have.

Another interesting article "Why America's Falling Birth Rate is Sensational News for the Pet Industry".  This article talks about how the majority of people who are spending so much on their pets are those with lots of money and no children.  However, it mentions that in some homes with children, the pets are now on equal ground and treated identically.

That makes me a little sick, I'm not going to lie.  As much as I love our dog, Kevin, and other children that we are going to have, will always come first.  She is a pet.  They are my offspring.

I'll admit, I've been occasionally tempted to be a foster-care home for a pet in need, but then I remembered that there was an entirely more important type of foster care system out there.

The foster care of children. Why are we so willing to help an animal in need, but we ignore the cries of hungry children all over the world?

I have a few friends who foster and adopt children.  One of them recently was explaining why they do that to me.  I found the conversation fascinating.  The couple now has five children total and two are foster with pending adoption.  She told me that if you are going to foster children you need to be willing to adopt them on a permanent basis.  "Children can accept that their original home had issues," she said, "but when they come to your home, that doesn't have any problems and you send them away, the child begins to ask 'What is wrong with me?'"  She told me that when they decided to foster, they made the decision that they would only foster to adopt.  She then continued, "If my own child had something horrible happen to them, I wouldn't send them away when they misbehaved.  If they come into my home, they become my own children."

That was a really neat conversation.  I'm seriously thinking about fostering and adopting now.  Right now, we're not at the right place for it, but eventually we might be.  Children are more important than pets.  This is an absolute fact.  People have argued that we are just animals and we are no better than them, thus we should treat them the same as we would be treated, but even animals will care for their young before anything else.  Shouldn't we do the same?  Children are our future, animals are not, regardless if 1 million people have left their pets as their sole benefactor. 

Today, another friend posted a link to an adoption site with children in need.  Here's the link: http://archive.constantcontact.com/fs124/1101154865724/archive/1115286336660.html I went there, and to my horror, found almost the exact same phrases used that were used at the pet adoption sites.

"These siblings will soon be separated!" "Gets along well with others" "Controls impulses" "Health Concerns" "Special Needs"  "Awaiting her forever home"

It sounded like the descriptions were written by the same people!

I don't know about you, but if it came down to helping a dog that was starving on the side of the street and helping a child, I would help the child.  Ideally we would do both, but really, the child should come first.  I wish we spent as much time and money and youtube videos advertising for those children in need as we do for those animals. 

Bathed in Light: The Innocence of Children

My sister took this incredible picture of Kevin

There is a doctrine believed by many churches, but it is NOT taught by mine.  This doctrine states that children are born evil and if they were to die unbaptized, they are damned.

Kevin was not born evil.  There is not an evil bone in his body.  My boy was born pure and perfect.  He'd never sinned, nor was he capable of doing so.  He was a beautiful, innocent angel.

All babies are born without sin.  Many churches believe that because of the sins of Adam, children are born with his stain upon them.  However, how does that make any sense?  God only judges me on what I decide to do, not on what my parents did.

I do agree that there were consequences from the fall of Adam.  His and Eve's transgression led us to be capable of sin and to be separated from God.  We became able to sin and die, and both are forms of death.  Sin is a spiritual death, and the actual dying of the body is a physical death. 

Christ however rectified that.

1 Corinthians 15:20-22

 20 But now is Christ risen from the dead, and become the firstfruits of them that slept.

 21 For since by man came death, by man came also the resurrection of the dead.

 22 For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive.

I love those versus.  They show that if one man's decision was able to cause an entire people's death, it was only just that one man's decision could save everyone as well.  Adam caused death to occur, so Christ is able to save everyone, if they will only let him.

Christ is called the Savior and Redeemer.  He is called the Savior, because everyone without exception will be saved from physical death.  We believe that every single person who has ever lived will be resurrected, regardless of what kind of person they were.  That's because the decision that everyone would die has no merit on who they were or what they did.  If you are a bad or a good person, you still die.  So, if you are a bad or a good person, Christ will raise you from the dead.  

However, He is called the Redeemer because he also redeems his people.  We believe that through the atonement of Christ all mankind may be saved by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the gospel.   In order to redeem a coupon, you must make some kind of action.  You have to take it to the store and use it.  Everyone can be given a coupon, but if it just sits in your home, it never does you any good.  

So it is with Christ's atonement.  Christ's atonement is for everyone without exception.  However, it is our choice whether or not we use it.  God has given us commandments and asked us to do certain things.  The greatest gift that he has given us is the power of choice.  God will NEVER make us do something.  He will ask us and command us, but ultimately it is our decision.  Thus, God will not save us unless we want to be saved.  Our own sins are our choices.  We can be forgiven of our sins and become clean enough to return to the presence of God if we are willing to do all that he has asked us to do. That includes baptism.  

John 3:5

5 Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God.

Baptism is essential to our entering of the kingdom of God.  

So what does that mean for young children?  Does that mean that if they are not baptized, they are damned?

NO.

In the Book of Mormon, we learn this wonderful truth.  A prophet named Moroni had a similar question arise in his day, and this is the answer that he gained from the Lord.

Moroni 8:5-15

 5 For, if I have learned the truth, there have been disputations among you concerning the baptism of your little children.

 6 And now, my son, I desire that ye should labor diligently, that this gross error should be removed from among you; for, for this intent I have written this epistle.

 7 For immediately after I had learned these things of you I inquired of the Lord concerning the matter. And the word of the Lord came to me by the power of the Holy Ghost, saying:

 8 Listen to the words of Christ, your Redeemer, your Lord and your God. Behold, I came into the world not to call the righteous but sinners to repentance; the whole need no physician, but they that are sick; wherefore, little children are whole, for they are not capable of committing sin; wherefore the curse of Adam is taken from them in me, that it hath no power over them; and the law of circumcision is done away in me.

 9 And after this manner did the Holy Ghost manifest the word of God unto me; wherefore, my beloved son, I know that it is solemn mockery before God, that ye should baptize little children.

 10 Behold I say unto you that this thing shall ye teach—repentance and baptism unto those who are accountable and capable of committing sin; yea, teach parents that they must repent and be baptized, and humble themselves as their little children, and they shall all be saved with their little children.

 11 And their little children need no repentance, neither baptism. Behold, baptism is unto repentance to the fulfilling the commandments unto the remission of sins.

 12 But little children are alive in Christ, even from the foundation of the world; if not so, God is a partial God, and also a changeable God, and a respecter to persons; for how many little children have died without baptism!

 13 Wherefore, if little children could not be saved without baptism, these must have gone to an endless hell.

 14 Behold I say unto you, that he that supposeth that little children need baptism is in the gall of bitterness and in the bonds of iniquity; for he hath neither faith, hope, nor charity; wherefore, should he be cut off while in the thought, he must go down to hell.

 15 For awful is the wickedness to suppose that God saveth one child because of baptism, and the other must perish because he hath no baptism.

Christ's atonement covers those who are incapable of committing sin. As children become accountable, around the age of 8, then they become responsible for their sins.  Then they are asked to be baptized.  

Children are whole and perfect.  They haven't yet learned the difference between good and evil.  When Kevin smiles at me, it is a smile of perfect joy.  There is no deception, no sadness, and no uncertainty.  He is a perfect being.  If he were to die now, he would go straight to heaven, there is no doubt in my mind.  However, as I raise him and teach him what is right and wrong, he will begin to understand.  With that understanding comes a responsibility for his actions. 

There is hope for us all.  We all have the choice to come unto Christ and be redeemed from our sins.  Little children though are bathed in the light of Christ.  They have no need of repentance.  They are already in the arms of God.

So fear not for those children who have died before baptism.  God has made provisions for them, for He loves them so much more than we can possibly understand.  

And, if we live our lives as we should, we'll be able to be reunited with those children when we leave this life.  I know this is true.  I can feel the truth of it with my soul.  I know the Book of Mormon is scripture that works along with the Bible to bring us to truth and salvation.  I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Discipline is Hard

Here's the scenario:

I'm in the living room on my laptop working on videos, and Kevin is happily playing in his bedroom.  He's very independent and will leave me and go in there to play.  Often, when he wants reassurance that I'm still around he'll yell, "Ah?"  To which I usually respond, "Ah."

Very in-depth conversation, I know.

Then, he comes out carrying a toy.  He walks over to where I'm sitting and reaches out for the laptop chord.  He likes to yank it out and try and suck on the end.  We think that's a bad idea.  The idea of putting a plugged-in laptop chord in your mouth seems dangerous for some reason.  So, I quickly block his hand and say, "Stop."

I try very hard to maintain a serious expression.  It is difficult, however, when his face lights up with this huge smile and he starts giggling.

Okay, I'll admit it, he's pretty stinking adorable.  When it does that, it's really hard not to laugh at him.  Especially when he goes for the chord again.  I repeat my reaction, and he repeats the giggling.  Suddenly my discipline is a game.  His game.

I never thought this was going to be the problem.  I imagined that my kids would scream or throw tantrums when I told them to stop doing things.  I didn't imagine that they would find it hilarious.

We try not to say "No."  In my dog training class, the teacher told us that people find it too easy to say no, so dogs learn not to take that word seriously.  He told us instead to say "stop".  It isn't said as often, so when you do say it, they take you more seriously.  I have found it to be the same with children.

My sister the other day said that by accident she had done something really awesome.  When her kids did something wrong, instead of saying "no", she said either "nope" or "no way, jose".  When her kids got to that stage where they start saying no back to their parents, her kids said these two phrases instead.  My sister told me that it was far more difficult to get annoyed with her children when they were defiantly saying "Nope" than if they had been telling her no.

I'm not very good at discipline.  As a studying Student Teacher, that was my most difficult area.  I'm a very forgiving person.  I believe in mercy, so when a kid came up to me and said, "Please, give me another chance?" it was very hard for me to hold firm.  However, I came to realize that kid training is a lot like dog training.  When you set a rule, you need to stick with it, no matter what.  Kids and dogs are always pushing limits.  When you let them get away with something, they think that they outsmarted you and they can continue getting away with it.  They won't learn to respect you and listen to you, because they'll view you as a pushover.

I'm slowly learning to stick to my guns.  It's hard because I want to be nice, but I realize that if I want a well-behaved child who follows my rules, I also have to follow and keep my rules.  No matter what.  Consequences have to exist.  If a rule is kept, there are good consequences.  If a rule is broken, there are negative consequences.

Kids will continue to push my limits, I know this.  School was a good preparation for it.  Kids are always testing and trying to figure out where they get away with something.  It's not malice, it's just the way they are.  We all are constantly trying to test our own boundaries.  However, rules make us feel safe.  Kids who know where the boundaries are, are usually much calmer kids because they feel safe.  It's when they don't know what to expect from moment to moment that kids really begin to misbehave.  

The good news though, is that our consistency is beginning to show results.  Kevin is seldom going for the chord anymore, and he's learning to stay away from the garbage.  Even though it didn't seem like it was getting through to him, he is learning.

Pretty good for a ten month old.

Now, if we could only keep him out of the bathroom.

Finding Balance

Over the past few weeks, I've been learning to be a stay-at-home mom.  For the most part, I love it!  However, it has been a new experience, and at times a very difficult one.  I've found that the most difficult part is not staying busy.  The most difficult part is finding the balance between caring for Kevin and getting chores done.

Some days, I'll be busy all day and I'll accomplish a ton!  I'll do the dishes, make meals, clean the whole house, organize boxes, made desert, serve others, do my scripture study, work on video editing, and feel really good about how I spent my time! However, I have a very grumpy baby because he didn't get the time and attention he needed.  He'll have spent the day crawling after me and seeking my attention, which I give him in short spurts, but evidently not sufficient.

Other days, I feel like I get nothing done.  Those days, I'll spend too long working on videos, reading, or Kevin and I will be watching Arturo Trejo on youtube together.  Those days I don't feel very good about how I spent my time, and I look at my house at the end of the day and wish I had done more around the house.

Then, other days, I'll spend nearly the entire day just spending time with Kevin.  We'll play with toys in his room, go outside and sit on the grass, and take two hour naps together.  On those days, I don't feel bad about how I spent my time, but I still look at my house and wish it was cleaner.

I am working on finding the balance between doing my stuff, doing homemaker/wife stuff, and taking care of Kevin.  After thinking about this difficulty for a while, I came to the conclusion that the most important thing that I can do with my time is to spend time with Kevin.  As he gets older, he can 'help' me with the household chores, and while he is taking naps now, I can get a lot done.  However, I only have a short amount of time to spend with Kevin before he grows up and leaves our home.  I want him to know that he is more important than anything else.

As I've been working on showing him that, I find that I still have time to get things done.  Kevin is unusual.  Most eight month baby are still learning to crawl.  I've even seen a few who are still working on rolling over.  However, Kevin is working on walking.  He'll now just stand in one place with nothing supporting him for a couple minutes or more.  He is very quick and can get into everything, but he also does quite well at entertaining himself.  When he is in his bedroom playing with toys, I can get a lot done, and when he wants me, he just comes crawling down the hall saying, "Aaa?  Aaa?"  That means he wants attention.  Then, we spend time together.

Grig right now is working at very early hours in the morning, and so I can get a lot of video editing, scripture reading, and blogging done before Kevin wakes up.  After that, our time together is precious.  I need to make the most of it and do my best to be a first class mom.