Preschool: Being a Mom and a Teacher

Last week, a couple of neighborhood moms and I started our own preschool. Every week we take turns teaching and hosting our three pupils, and this week was my turn.

It's been pretty fun so far. Last week, I really enjoyed having time to get things accomplished while Kevin was over at the neighbor's house. This week, I was a little nervous to teach, but I think things went really well. Both kids that were able to come this week were very bright and intelligent, and we had a great time.

One of the hardest things for me right now is knowing how to be a teacher and a mom.

Last week during church, I was teaching music to the children and Kevin started acting out. I can't really blame him. It was the first week back in our ward after we'd been gone for six weeks, and his mom was there, so he felt the need to push buttons.

I'm afraid I didn't respond very well. As a parent, I felt responsibility for my child, and so, instead of ignoring his behavior, I corrected him abruptly and then tried to invite him up to help me. It didn't help; if anything it made his behavior worse. I was at a loss for what to do when his primary teacher offered to take him out of the room.

When he came back in, he was folding his arms, and there was a marked improvement in his behavior. I was really grateful to his wonderful teachers.

The way I dealt with it has been bothering me ever since, and after a lot of prayer and thought, I think I have a game plan for this Sunday. I hope it works. :)

I've had a similar problem at preschool this week. Usually, the other kid has been very well behaved and Kevin has occasionally had a tantrum. The first day it was hard, but I think I handled it better today.

I've been really impressed by how well the kids have been doing though. It's been really fun to teach them, and it's been a good review of some of the skills I developed in college. Kevin's loved having more social time as well.

He's a pretty social kid and he loves playing with friends. Sometimes, because he doesn't have siblings, he doesn't share very well, but he's learning. It was fun to see the areas in which each child excelled.

I'm still learning too. This is the first time I've ever been the mom of a three-year-old, after all. My teaching classes in college never really taught me what to do when my own child is in the class. I love it though. I love seeing how Kevin interacts with his friends and classmates.

It's been challenging in ways that I didn't expect, but also a lot more fun!

Mom: Master Manipulator

I hate to say this, but honestly, I feel like I spend half of my time manipulating Kevin. 

Not in a bad way! I don't ever use my powers of manipulation for evil.

For example, yesterday, Kevin didn't want to go to the potty, but I knew he really needed to go. (Sometimes he still struggles when he needs to poop, but doesn't want to. He doesn't have bad accidents, but lately, he's been urinating in his underwear, just a bit.) So, Mom, the Master Manipulator came to save the day.

I picked up his current favorite toys, and they began to have a conversation that went like this:

Ankylosaurus: I don't think Kevin CAN use the bathroom. 

T-Rex: Yes, he can, Ankylosaurus. He's a big boy! 

Ankylosaurus: No, I don't think he can. 

Kevin: I don't want to. 

Ankylosaurus: That's because you're a baby. Babies don't want to go to the bathroom. 

T-Rex: Kevin's not a baby! He's a big boy. Show him that you can go to the potty, Kevin!

The conversation ended with Kevin getting a determined look on his face and running to the bathroom. Afterward, Ankylosaurus apologized for not thinking he could do it, and both dinosaurs gave Kevin a high-five for going to the potty. Kevin also told me proudly that he did it, and I gave him a high-five too!

Sometimes I feel kind of bad about doing that sort of thing. However, it ends up with everyone happy, so I think it's a good thing. Mostly, I'm trying to help him make his own good choices without forcing him to do it.

He looked so proud of himself afterward too.

We've used different forms of manipulation over his life time. Sometimes we use reverse psychology, sometimes we appeal to his competitive side, and sometimes I use his pride. Occasionally, we just force the issue. I just don't like to do that, unless it's really important and I want him to listen to me.

Kevin, in general, is a fantastic kid though. He's usually very helpful and willing to do what I ask. Yesterday, he really wanted to help me sweep and mop the floor, so he held the dustpan for me and mopped the floor after I had finished mopping. Aside from him putting the bleach-soaked mop on the carpet, he did a great job!

What are you thoughts about being manipulators of children? Is it something I should do less often? Is it a good thing sometimes? I really am curious. Please share.

Puppies vs. Babies

Which is Better?

Lately, I've really been wanting to get a puppy.  

Really, like, a lot. 

However, though our housing situation would allow it, we currently we can't afford one.  Since puppies have been on my mind so much, I've been thinking about when I first gave birth to Kevin.  Afterward, my dad, who knows how much I like dogs, kept asking me the same question over and over.

"Isn't he much better than a puppy?"

Okay.  Obviously the answer is yes.  However for those of you who've never had a baby, I would like to tell you my reasons why.  Those of you who have had children, let me know your thoughts on the matter.

When I was in High School, one summer I decided to breed my dog and raise a litter of puppies.  It was a really good experience, and I really enjoyed it.  However, comparing that experience to my current situation of being a mother brings up some interesting differences and similarities. 

Yes, I did draw these pictures.

Newborns:

 

 

A Short Thought on Poop

Let's face it.  Newborn animals of any variety aren't very cute.  They come out all slimy and wrinkly, and generally have very little hair.  Newborn puppies are fairly easy for humans to take care of.  We just let the mom handle it.  However, newborn puppies are incapable of defecating on their own.  In order to keep the puppies alive and healthy, the mother dog has to lick them to stimulate their bowel movements.  Then, to add to that, she eats the puppy poo so that the smell won't attract predators.  As nasty as that seems to us, to a dog it's a natural part of being a mother. 

I'm really glad we don't have to do that.  A lot of people will complain about changing diapers, but after watching how animals take care of their babies' poop, diapers don't seem so bad.  Babies are also able to poop on their own as soon as they are born, which is an advantage in the evolutionary side of things.   Babies diapers are also not very stinky when they are newborns.  You have to change them pretty frequently, but it really isn't that much trouble and you get used to it quickly.  

Nursing

Nursing puppies is quite easy as well, if you're the human.  The mother dog usually does all the work again.  There is the rare situation when a human has to take over, and then it can be a major pain!  You have to get up and bottle feed the pups every two hours.  That can really cut into your sleep schedule.  Luckily, my dog Dakota was a fantastic mom.  She took great care of her pups.  She ended up having eight of them, and all of them survived until they went to their new homes.  Can you imagine having eight babies at one time?  I can't.  One is plenty thank you, and I'm still learning how to deal with one.

When someone first handed Kevin to me, I looked down and thought, "What do I do with this?" 

Don't get me wrong.  I've been around babies my entire life.  I have six younger siblings and I spent a lot of my teenaged years babysitting my siblings and other children.  I'm no novice when it comes to taking care of babies.  However, none of that even remotely prepared me for nursing my own baby.  It doesn't come entirely naturally.  However, once you and the baby figure it out, it is a rather peaceful thing.  There is a connection you feel with that baby that is unlike any other relationship I've ever had.  

When my dog had puppies, I felt proud and I loved them.  I took good care of them and I wanted them to have good homes.  However, the bond I have with my baby isn't even close to the same.  Grig and I made Kevin (with a lot of help from Heavenly Father).  He is our baby.  He is part of us and we are part of him.  I've loved my dogs, but the love I feel for Kevin transcends that love and makes it look trivial.  

Nursing has nurtured that bond as well.  I love putting him down for a nap and feeling connected to him.  Puppy-love just doesn't come close.

Infants:

Development

Babies change fast.  Even now, nine-months after Kevin was born, I can't believe how fast time has gone.  Everyday it seems like he learns something new.  He's already walking and running, and I some days I miss the little baby who would just lay on my chest.  Kevin only does that if he is asleep now or very, very tired.  Otherwise, he is constantly moving.  It's been a real treat to watch Kevin grow and learn.  We love showing him new things.  We really enjoy watching him try to understand this new world around him.  

However, as fast as babies grow, it's nothing compared to puppies.  At nine months, a puppy would be almost fully grown and well into his teenage months.  He would be awkward, gangly, and pushing his limits.  They are still cute, but sometimes by that point the cuteness is wearing off a bit.  Between eight and eighteen months is when the majority of puppies are given to shelters.  After that, they mature more and people can handle them again.  Before that, they are cute enough to get away with stuff.  Puppies are only puppies for a short time, and then they become dogs.  I think they're still cute, but a lot of people love that puppy stage and really miss it when it is gone.  

That's probably why so many people get tiny dogs.  They can keep pretending they are babies.  The problem is a tiny dog is still a dog.  If you treat a dog like a baby, they never learn discipline and think that they are in charge.  This causes a lot of bad behaviors that go unchecked because the dog is 'cute.' 

Which is why a great many people don't like small dogs.  They often get away with everything because they're not a threat to people.  

Babies remain as babies for quite a while.  We have more time to teach them the things they need to know before they are considered adults.  Children and puppies take a great deal of patience, perseverance, discipline, and love.  However, dogs will never reach the development level of a human.  They will never be able to have deep conversations with us.  Children eventually will. 

Chewing

Kevin still has no teeth.  His cousin, who is a week younger, has four or five.  She actually has been known to leave little teeth marks in the furniture.  Babies in general however, don't chew on things nearly as much as puppies.  

I've never heard of someone coming home from work to find that their child had eaten their favorite shoe or hat.  Though someone in my family used to chew the fingers and toes off of our barbies, we never found the entire barbie digested.  

Puppies, however, will chew on everything.  Furniture, clothing, toys; you name it, they've eaten it.  That's one nice thing that you don't have to worry about as much when it comes to babies.

A Little More on Poop

When my dog had her puppies, at first it was easy to clean after them.  She took care of most of that.  Then, as they grew and developed, they began to defecate on their own.  Soon, I was the one who had to pick up after eight growing puppies.  It was a full-time job.  

Again, I'll take diapers over that any day.  Both baby poop and dog poop however gets stinkier as the owners get older.  That's part of life.

  Longevity

I think this will be the last thing I'll address in this blog.  Puppies are cute.  They take a lot of work, but when you take the time, it pays off into a wonderful dog.  However, the oldest living dog only lived to 29 and 1/2 years old.  That's pretty old for a dog.  However, for a beloved family member, that's not that long at all.  

Children (hopefully) will be around the rest of our lives and beyond.  They don't just bring joy and heartache, they also are the future of our families.  They pass on stories of us, our teachings, and our experiences.  They also bring grandchildren.  

Dogs bring happiness for a lifetime, but children bring happiness for an eternity.  They can continue to bring joy to others after we are gone.  

So, yes, Dad.  Children are better than puppies. 

At this point, my experience with having my own children has caught up with the present.  I could speculate on what will happen in the future, but until I go through those stages myself, I'll let other people tell me what it's like.  I've raised a puppy to adulthood, but I'm still on my first kid.  Eventually, Kevin will have a few puppies to grow up with him.  Every kid needs a dog.  It's an earth-rule.   

Hopefully Kevin will turn out well.  We'll do our best, and that's all we can do.  The rest is up to him.

Babysitting

Yesterday, I had the distinct pleasure of babysitting our neighbors' daughter.  Kevin just loves her.  She is two, so she is at least a year older than him, and very sweet.  One of my viewers (Sarah) the other day commented that in some ways the balance of being a mom becomes easier when you have two kids.  I decided to see if she was right.

She came early in the morning, and was still sleepy.  Kevin was already awake, but she seemed like she wanted to go back to sleep (and her mom told me that she commonly sleeps until 10-11, so I turned off the light and took Kevin back to our bedroom.)  Kevin didn't think he was tired, which was a good thing because about ten minutes later I heard a quiet "Mom?"  I got up, and went out to find the little girl (who we will call Angela) standing next to the front door trying to get out.  She had two large tears running down her cheeks, and my heart broke for her.

I gathered her up in my arms and brought her to where Kevin was, we read a story.  After that, she seemed to feel better.  She asked me when her Mommy was coming, and, not being one to lie to kids, I told her that her Mom would be back in a long while.  Meanwhile, while she and Kevin played in his room (to Kevin's delight) I began to get breakfast ready.

They were pretty happy for a while, and I was thinking 'This is great!'  Then I heard a quiet "Ow.  Ow."  I went to see what was happening.  Kevin was standing behind Angela just happily pulling her hair.  She just sat there and said "ow" over and over.  Quickly, I moved Kevin away and gave him a toy to play with.  After that they were fine again.  I made scrambled eggs and toast for breakfast and then we all ate together.

After breakfast, Kevin needed a nap.  I turned on a cartoon for her to watch for a few minutes while I put him to sleep, because her mother had said that she loved watching t.v.  Only five minutes later I heard her at my door saying, "mom?"  She called me that most of the day, which was endearing, but evidently she calls everyone mom.  Luckily Kevin went to sleep quickly so I could go out and give her attention.  It was difficult for me to get anything done, because she wanted a lot of attention.  I figured it was probably because her mom had just started working and she was in a strange, unknown situation.  We had a good time.  We colored and played and made a leash for a stuffed dog that she could drag around the house.

Eventually, Kevin woke up, and then we all did things together until lunch time.  Her mom called a couple times during breaks to see how she was doing, and she told her mom she was having fun, which is always good to hear.  Then, after lunch, I put Kevin to bed again, and then I went out to find that Angela was ready for a nap.  It wasn't anything she said, but when she dumped all of the crayons out, I said, "You need a nap."

She nodded and headed for Kevin's room.  He was on my bed, so she climbed into his crib and laid down.  Then, after I hummed her a few songs, she fell quickly to sleep and slept until her Dad came to pick her up.  It was a fun experience, for both me and Kevin.  Kevin loves having friends over.  He was sad when she left.

I don't know if it was any easier to get things done with Angela around, but I did have fun making punch with her and playing with toys with both of them.  More importantly, I think Angela had a good time too.

Finding Balance

Over the past few weeks, I've been learning to be a stay-at-home mom.  For the most part, I love it!  However, it has been a new experience, and at times a very difficult one.  I've found that the most difficult part is not staying busy.  The most difficult part is finding the balance between caring for Kevin and getting chores done.

Some days, I'll be busy all day and I'll accomplish a ton!  I'll do the dishes, make meals, clean the whole house, organize boxes, made desert, serve others, do my scripture study, work on video editing, and feel really good about how I spent my time! However, I have a very grumpy baby because he didn't get the time and attention he needed.  He'll have spent the day crawling after me and seeking my attention, which I give him in short spurts, but evidently not sufficient.

Other days, I feel like I get nothing done.  Those days, I'll spend too long working on videos, reading, or Kevin and I will be watching Arturo Trejo on youtube together.  Those days I don't feel very good about how I spent my time, and I look at my house at the end of the day and wish I had done more around the house.

Then, other days, I'll spend nearly the entire day just spending time with Kevin.  We'll play with toys in his room, go outside and sit on the grass, and take two hour naps together.  On those days, I don't feel bad about how I spent my time, but I still look at my house and wish it was cleaner.

I am working on finding the balance between doing my stuff, doing homemaker/wife stuff, and taking care of Kevin.  After thinking about this difficulty for a while, I came to the conclusion that the most important thing that I can do with my time is to spend time with Kevin.  As he gets older, he can 'help' me with the household chores, and while he is taking naps now, I can get a lot done.  However, I only have a short amount of time to spend with Kevin before he grows up and leaves our home.  I want him to know that he is more important than anything else.

As I've been working on showing him that, I find that I still have time to get things done.  Kevin is unusual.  Most eight month baby are still learning to crawl.  I've even seen a few who are still working on rolling over.  However, Kevin is working on walking.  He'll now just stand in one place with nothing supporting him for a couple minutes or more.  He is very quick and can get into everything, but he also does quite well at entertaining himself.  When he is in his bedroom playing with toys, I can get a lot done, and when he wants me, he just comes crawling down the hall saying, "Aaa?  Aaa?"  That means he wants attention.  Then, we spend time together.

Grig right now is working at very early hours in the morning, and so I can get a lot of video editing, scripture reading, and blogging done before Kevin wakes up.  After that, our time together is precious.  I need to make the most of it and do my best to be a first class mom.