Grig's job ends on Saturday. If we don't find a new job before then, we are unemployed.
Though we have had many reassurances throughout these last few month, we are still becoming somewhat stressed. It's not so easy to have peace and faith when a deadline is looming on the horizon.
That's not to say that we're doubting the Lord, or the feelings that we've had. Instead, we just aren't sure about His timing. His timing is often not the same as our timing.
When Grig ends this Saturday, he will get 2 weeks worth of severance pay for sticking it out to the end. He will also receive his unused vacation time in a monetary form. Add all that to the fact that this is a three pay-period month, and we have a bit of extra money to live off of.
Personally, I've been hoping and praying that having this extra money will mean that we can have a baby soon, but the fear inside my heart is saying that it just means we'll use it all up while Grig is looking for a job.
While speaking about this to my mother today, she reminded me of a talk from a General Conference a few months ago. It was given by Elder Bednar, and it was titled "Therefore They Hushed Their Fears."
In his talk, he says:
...But can we hush the fears that so easily and frequently beset us in our contemporary world? The answer to this question is an unequivocal yes. Three basic principles are central to receiving this blessing in our lives: (1) look to Christ, (2) build upon the foundation of Christ, and (3) press forward with faith in Christ.I really appreciated this reminder from my mother. These last few months have been a series of trials. However, they have also been a series of miracles. Each trial has in some way also been a blessing. We have learned so much and grown quite a bit.
One of the biggest miracles that we received today was when Grig's job has offered employees to work in the line next week. Grig volunteered. If you work even one day in a month, the insurance covers you for that entire month. That will mean that we have insurance in November as well. Hopefully by the end of November, we will have found a job.
Despite these miracles, I am still struggling with my faith. It is hard to wait for promised blessings. As I look forward to Christmas and realize that we may not be able to afford much this year, I feel strange. Though my parents made little and were never rich, we never wanted for anything. I've never had to worry about not receiving Christmas presents.
Honestly, I don't know that I have to worry about it this year either. We've already had kind friends and family step in and tell us that they will buy Christmas for us if we can't.
As I am writing this blog and trying to talk about my fears and stress, I keep having all of the wonderful blessings that we have received come into my mind and push away the worry. Perhaps writing this blog was what I needed after all.
I feel like I'm one of those random mothers who wants to yell, "My son's using the potty!" in the middle of the grocery store because I am so proud of him. I never thought I'd want to do something like that.
I haven't yet, but I want to.
So, despite the fact that we're a bit stressed and worried, we are trying to turn to the Savior and allow Him to hush our fears. We have had quite a bit of peace, and when I focus on that, I can feel the stress dissolve. That doesn't mean that it is gone, but it certainly helps.
We know the Lord told us to buy this home for a reason. We also know that He will provide as we do what He asks us to do. We have been trying to be obedient and charitable. I know that Grig will find a job, and it will be the job that the Lord wants him to have.
Things will work out.
2 Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of ; but of power, and of , and of a sound mind.