Monday, January 16, 2017

Trial Denial

For some reason, if you ask me what trials I've experienced in my life, I can think of very few. It's like my brain represses most bad things that have occurred. There are a few trials that stick out, but in my mind, I've had a pretty wonderful life.

Lately, things have been hard. 

We've had some death and sicknesses in the family. We've been pretty low on money, and it hurts that we still haven't been able to become pregnant. 

However, it wasn't until about a week ago that I was willing to admit that we're going through some trials right now. That's when I realized that I have trial denial. 

In my brain, I would look at the hard things that we're going through and think, "Compared to what's happening to other people, this isn't so bad." We've also been blessed in a lot of wonderful ways, and so I tend to push aside the bad things and try to focus on the good. 

I don't think that focusing on the good is wrong, but this state of mind also makes it so I don't realize when I am experiencing stress. Sometimes, I have no idea I'm stressed out until the stress is gone and I realize how much better I feel. 

Trial denial has its benefits. I'm usually a pretty happy person, and as long as I pretend that things aren't really hard, I can go on being happy. 

However, it's not really healthy either. It's okay to acknowledge that things are hard sometimes, and that we need help; whether its emotional, physical, or mental. When I'm stressed and don't realize it, I tend to have less patience and to be less productive. My brain wants to keep pretending that everything is okay, and so I start looking for ways to distract myself from my problems. Those ways usually involve reading too much or watching too much tv. 

I've spent a lot of my life burying sadness and anger. I would try not to show any emotion besides happiness in front of other people. Sometimes it's still hard for me to show those emotions even in front of my husband. However, when we are able to talk honestly and openly about our trials and our feelings, we are stronger as a couple and closer. 

Confirming that we are going through some hard things right now wasn't easy for me to do, but it was good for me. Even though our trials are not that big compared to other people's trials, they are still something that we are struggling with, and they are hard for us. 

The first step to fixing a problem is admitting that you have a problem. 

We have some trials in our lives right now, but I know that with the Lord's help, we can fix them, and things will be okay. We've had a lot of comfort and peace and I know that the Lord is there. We've also seen a lot of miracles, and we know that the Lord is helping us out. 

Prayer is so important. If we trust in the Lord, and pray for the things that He wants us to pray for, amazing things can, and will, happen.

I'm so grateful for Grig. One of the best parts of our relationship has always been our communication. While we had his brothers living with us, that was sometimes hard to have. Now that they have moved out, our communication has improved again, and we have drawn closer together as a couple. We are grateful for what his brothers taught us and for the time we were able to spend with them, but I am so grateful that I have a chance to reconnect with my husband before we start foster care. 

I know that that's going to be a wonderful mixture of trials and blessings too. 

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