You Usually Get What You're Expecting....Unless You're Expecting Perfection

I had this set of images come into my head last night.

Two men were sitting in the brush in some foreign country.  They were watching some natives go about their business.  Both men were aware that the natives knew they were there, and they were trying to analyze what the natives were going to do next.

The first man said to the person with him, "They're going to attack!" He quickly pulled out the revolver and prepared himself.

The other man said, "They're friendly.  They won't hurt us." He then sat down by a tree and waited.

At that moment, the natives came through the bushes and attacked the man who had his revolver out.  He ended up being overwhelmed by numbers and killed.

The other man was slowly approached, and he and the natives quickly became friends.

In my mind, the natives had seen the man pull out his gun and deemed him a threat.  He caused his own expectations by preparing for them to be aggressive.

The other man had seen the good in the tribe.  He waited, and the people of the country decided he was not a threat.  His expectations were also fulfilled by his actions.

Why was I thinking about this?

When you meet someone new, a lot of times we decide they are going to be a certain way.  If a friend is introducing you to a new friend and they've told you all sorts of wonderful things about the person, you probably are going to have good expectations for this new friend.  If we are looking for the best in others, we are going to find good things about them.  It is easy to find a quality that you admire or love in another person if that is what you are expecting out of them. 

On the other hand, if the whole office has been gossiping negatively about the new kid, you are likely to have poor expectations when you meet them, and because none of us are perfect, it is also equally easy to find terrible qualities in every person we meet.

When Christ was on the earth, he knew that every person he met was a sinner, but he loved them all anyway.  He was able to past the sin and love the sinner.

This policy of looking for the best in others nearly always works, unless you are looking for perfection.

While I was on my mission for the LDS church, I had a companion who was dealing with some issues when she came to live with me.  She had kind of met me before, and had heard of me, and for some reason she thought that by living with me, all of her problems would be solved.  Things went great for about a week, until she realized that her problems weren't going away and I wasn't perfect.

Therefore, she decided that it must be my fault and she didn't like me anymore.

I loved her though, and that really bothered her.  She could be very hurtful and angry at times, and I couldn't understand why.  It took me a while, but finally I realized that the reason it upset her that I loved her was because she didn't like herself very much.  When you don't like yourself, it's hard to realize that others can love you.  It's also very hard to like others.

Since then, she has dealt wonderfully with the things that were bothering her and has matured into a beautiful, wonderful woman.  She was always wonderful, but I think she has really started to see that now.

Expect the best in others, but don't expect them to solve your problems or to be perfect.  I often find that when others annoy me, it's because they reflect a quality of myself that I don't like very much.  Once I figure that out, it's easy for me to put those petty annoyances aside and enjoy the person in front of me.  The golden rule still lives.  Treat others as you want to be treated.  If you want other to nitpick everything that's wrong with you, by all means, do it to everyone you meet.

However, if you want them to love you as God would, do the same for them.  I have felt a bit of his love that he feels for His children, and I can tell you that the feeling is overwhelming.

The Lord loves each of us more than we can possibly understand.  Life can be rough and bad things can happen, but everything that occurs if for our benefit.  As we grow and learn from each trial, we mature into the beautiful creature that God always intended for us to be.  I wrote a blog a while ago about why bad things happen to good people, if you want to read it, the link is right here.

One of my favorite sayings goes, "The Lord loves you just the way you are, but He loves you too much to let you stay that way."

The Lord can see the potential in each of us.  I pray that we can also see the potential in each other.  

Kevin fell asleep on Grig's shoulder.  Cute picture!

Try to feel the love that the Lord has for those around you, and I can promise that you will be astonished.  This world is full of wonderful people, including you!

Why Do Fireflies Die So Soon?

 

Recently, Grig, his brother, and I watched a very sad movie called Grave of the Fireflies.  It is a Japanese animation about two Japanese children during World War 2.  It is very well done movie (though much better subbed than dubbed), but it is depressing as all get out.  Basically, it shows you what happens to the innocent when others are waging war.  It is about a boy, around twelve or so, and his sister who is about four.  Their mother is killed early on in the movie, and though they are taken in by relatives for a time, they end up on their own.  There is one especially poignant scene where the four-year-old is burying some fireflies, and asks the question, "Why do fireflies die so soon?"

This becomes the theme for the entire movie.  Why is it fair that those who shine so brightly are usually the ones who are extinguished the quickest?

When I worked at the zoo, good kind people would often bring us baby birds that they had 'rescued.'  Usually, they found them in their yards, and seeing no sign of parents, they would pick them up bring them to us.  They would ask us to take care of them, and leave satisfied that they had done a wonderful thing.

Here's the deal though:  Ninety percent of those birds died.

Here's the secret.  Usually when you find a small fledgling on the ground, leave it alone.  The parents are around and they will take care of it.  Or, another animal will eat it and it will have a quick death.  Both of those options are much better than slow starvation at the hands of humans.  There are very few people who can successfully raise a baby bird into an adult.  It requires a lot of time and knowledge.  You need to feed a baby bird every two hours, and you need to feed it the right diet.  You can't feed a baby waxwing bugs.  They eat berries.  Unless you know that, your attempts, though well-intentioned, are futile.  Like those people, who thought they were doing a wonderful thing, how often do we do well-intentioned things that bring sorrow on others.

One of the things I really like about Grave of the Fireflies is that it is Japanese.  During World War 2, we (Americans) were the ones bombing their homes.  In fighting that war, we felt that we were doing what was right, and I still believe that we were.  Otherwise, a lot of other innocent people (Holocaust, anyone?) would have continued to die.  However, in the process, a lot of innocent people who believed that what they were doing was also right were killed by us.

Why does God allow bad things to happen to good people?  Why do children suffer when those who cause wars often seem to get off scot-free?

In the Book of Mormon, (Alma 14:11) there is a scene where some very wicked men are burning women and children.  The prophet at the time is being held captive by these wicked men and forced to watch.  His companion desires to use the power of God to save the innocent.  The prophet makes the following reply:

"The Spirit constraineth me that I must not stretch forth my hand; for behold the Lord receiveth them up unto himself, in glory; and he doth suffer that they may do this thing, or that the people may do this thing unto them, according to the hardness of their hearts, that the judgements which he shall exercise upon them in his wrath may be just; and the blood of the innocent shall stand as a witness against them, yea, and cry mightily against them at the last day."

The Lord loves all his children, even those that do wickedly.  However, he is a just God.  He can't righteously judge unless they commit sin.  The greatest and most terrible gift God has given mankind if the gift of choice.  God allows us to choose, because then he can justly give us the consequences of our actions.  If we choose good, we are blessed.  If we choose evil, we choose punishment.  

How much sense would it make if you had a child, and before you let them decide something, you gave them a treat and said, "I knew you were going to choose a good thing, so don't bother choosing.  Here's your reward,"?  Or, in the same situation, before your child could act you tell them, "Sorry, I know you were going to choose the wrong thing, so you don't get any treats for a week,"?  Wouldn't the child protest, "But I didn't do anything?"  I know I would.  

Has anyone seen the movie Minority Report?  There are some parts of that movie I don't like, but I really appreciate the main premise.  The storyline is that in the future, the society is built off of stopping crime before it happens.  There are three psychics who can see when someone is about to commit a crime.  Before they can commit it, the police show up and arrest them.  The main character is told he is going to murder someone he's never met, and the police are chasing him.  During the movie, he's trying to find out why he would murder someone he's never met, and if he can choose a different fate.  If someone hasn't committed a crime, how can we punish them?  How do we learn if we're not allowed to choose?

However, sometimes bad things happen and it's no one's fault.  Someone gets sick and dies.  There's an accidental car crash.  Natural disasters occur.  Why do those things happen?  Let me send you to another of my favorite scriptures.  It's in the Bible.  1 Peter 4:12-13:

"Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you:

But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy."

Christ suffered everything for us.  Yet, should we expect to partake in his glory without feeling something of what he went through?  Trials are not meant to punish us, but to help us grow.  As we suffer, we can more fully understand what Christ went through.  As we come to know, love, and depend on his grace, we more fully become like him.  Then, when we endure well, we are able to partake of his glory.  

Why do fireflies die so soon?  So they can return in a blaze of glory to our Father in Heaven where He is waiting to welcome them with open arms.  This life is temporary.  If we choose well, we will have peace for the rest of eternity.  Isn't that worth a few trials?