Directionless

The last few days, I've been kind of in a weird funk. I was having a hard time figuring out what was going on with me.

I love this face!

Finally, yesterday, it hit me...

I feel like I have nothing to really look forward to or stress about.

That might sound like kind of a weird thing, but for a while, we've had a lot going on.

For the last year and a half, it's been a series of big things. Starting in the fall of 2014, we began to try and purchase a house. For months, my every thought and prayer revolved around looking for and buying the right home. Then, after we purchased or home in February of 2015, we had to do a bunch of repairs and had Grig's sister come and live with us.

A few month later, we found out that Grig was going to lose his job, and so we were praying and searching for a new job.

A couple months after that, Grig's two brothers came to live with us too. Only a month after that, Grig's sister's health took a turn for the worse and she ended up having to fly back to Virginia.

The job search didn't end until November 2015, when the same week that Grig lost his job, he found a new one. Then, there was Christmas, and then a new puppy.

The puppy dilemma felt like it lasted forever, with us hovering on the brink of never knowing if we were going to get our little girl or not. Then, finally in February of 2016, Grig was told (officially) that he was hired full-time and we felt prompted to get our puppy.

And we're so glad!

Then, early this month, we took our vacation and traveled to Virginia. It took a few days to finish recovering from that, and now...

Yeah.

I'm not sure where I'm going now.

For months, I've had something to focus on, something to stress about and pray about. I still have a lot to work on personally, but it's strange to not have something big coming up.

I'm very grateful for our home, my son, my two brother-in-laws who live with us, our two dogs, and Grig's job. This post isn't about ingratitude.

I'm just kind of...confused and maybe feeling a bit directionless. We have things coming up in a few months, but they're not really things that involve making major life changes. We've been doing a lot of yard work and puppy training, but it just feels like there's a big vacancy in my head.

Kevin took this picture. He's getting to be a better photographer. 

There are some major purchases that we need to make. Our car is hovering on the brink of death (it feels like that sometimes, anyway. It keeps stopping randomly and it having a lot of issues, but every time we take it to the mechanic, it works perfectly). However, currently, we're not sure how much money we're actually making, so we don't know if we can afford to make car payments or not.

We began insurance in March, but we back-payed to the beginning of February. So, for the last two months, we've been paying for insurance, plus back-paying for an extra month of insurance. We've had just enough money for the bills and the things that we needed and not much extra. This coming in paycheck next week will be our first paycheck that actually shows us how much extra we're making now that we're not back-paying anymore.

We also have made some fairly expensive purchases recently, and so I'm a bit stressed about money. We received a coupon for an air-duct cleaning for a really good deal, and so we called and scheduled an appointment with them. When they came, they also check our our furnace, and vacuumed out our dryer vent.

When they checked our furnace and input vents, they were pretty horrified by the sight. I was a bit disgusted too. We're pretty sure the vents and furnace have never been cleaned. They explained to me that furnace efficiency goes down every year due to sediment in the furnace, and it raises the cost to heat the house.

After talking about it to Grig, we decided to pay a much bigger sum of money to have them deep clean the furnace and vents. They also installed a filter that would never need to be replaced, just washed and vacuumed. They also tried to sell us a couple of other things, but they were way out of our price range, and we weren't really interested in them anyway.

After they finished, there was a noticeable difference in the house. Both Allopex and I noticed a "lightening" and the air was much better. We felt like we have made a good decision. It will also lower our heating costs next year, and so it might end up paying for itself.

Kevin loves to ride his bike!

The sad thing was, we ended up having to use the money that we'd been saving to build a fence, and now we don't have any money to build it. We can save it up again, but it is a bit of a sad set-back.

Also, now that we have dental insurance, we decided it was time to see the dentist. I ended up having a cavity and a couple of other places they wanted to work on, and while I got those fixed yesterday, Grig had his appointment and found out he had several cavities, and their recommending a crown. They showed us an estimate of how much we're going to have to pay, and it was very sad. I'm so grateful we have dental insurance though. It's going to save us over $1000. As it is, it's still going to cost over $500 when all is said and done.

They're going to break up the different work so it's not as bad to pay, but still. Ouch.

So, I guess I'm a bit disappointed because I was really looking forward to building our fence this year, and now I'm not sure that it's going to happen. I'm also feeling a bit doubtful about our having a baby anytime soon, but I'm trying to hope. It's just been a long time, and every month is like a gauntlet.

Anyway, a lot of neat things have happened lately, and I'm grateful that we've had the money to take care of them and ourselves. The Lord has blessed us a lot, and I'm trying to stay hopeful and faithful. Our lives are pretty wonderful, and I'm trying to focus on my blessings. I know that things will work out. I know that some awesome things are coming, if I can maintain my faith.

Sorry for the long random post. I just needed to collect my thoughts, I guess.

Kevin, playing on his uncle's computer.

So, I guess it comes down to the fact that the things that I was looking forward to, I'm not sure if we can afford, and so now I'm not sure what to look forward to. For now, I'll try and just look forward to spending every moment with my amazing son, husband, and two dogs.

This photo shows a good size comparison. 

They're pretty awesome, after all.