Mormon Monday: Lifting Others

Today, Grig and Kevin are sick with the stomach flu. Luckily Grig didn't have work today anyway, but after being thrown-up on all night, I don't have much energy today and I almost didn't want to blog. However, I realized that since they are both sleeping right now, I don't have much in the way of excuses and there were somethings that I wanted to share.

Saturday, I went to visit some amazing friends of mine. We were able to go to the 1st semi-annual General Women's Meeting for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. It was amazing! It was so much fun to see my friends again (it's been a couple years) and I really enjoyed listening to the talks and watching the videos (even if I still have a really hard time sitting still). If you didn't get a chance to watch it, and had the desire to do so, here is the link:

It was a historic moment where women age 8 to infinity were able to sit down and hear talks from our leaders. Elder Eyring spoke as well, and I loved his message. Something in particular stood out to me.

He talked about how when we lift those around us toward God, that brings our Heavenly Father joy. We are all sisters and daughters of our Heavenly Father, and He loves us. Sometimes I wonder how I could ever pay him back for all the blessings that we have received and when I heard Elder Eyring's words, I felt joy shoot through me. It is possible to bring joy to our Eternal Father. By becoming more like Him, and by helping those around us become more like Him, we can make Him happy and proud of our efforts.

I love women. They are incredible beings with a lot of love that they share unselfishly. Some of my greatest role-models are women in my life who devote their lives to serving their children and families.

I want to be better at lifting those around me to greater heights. I guess before you can lift other you need to be standing on higher ground yourself. I am going to try to be a better friend and neighbor. I want to be more Christ-like so I can bring joy to my Heavenly Father.

I  think that's going to be it for today. Please pray that my family gets well soon!

Caring Too Much

I was talking to Grig the other day about a part of myself that has always kind of been interesting to me.

I have a hard time getting close to people. The other day, when Kevin was really sick I was having horrible thoughts about waking up to find him not breathing. Most people would avoid thinking about it, but I have two parts of my brain. The logical part not only thinks about things like that, but asks the question, "What would you do?" When I get into that mindset, the emotional side of my brain shuts down and I am able to think of how events would unfold in a very practical way and how I would deal with it.

Later on, when the emotional side kicked back in, I was horrified at the thought and I wasn't able to sleep very good because I had to keep checking on him. He's fine and is no longer sick, but the way I reacted gave me food for thought.

My greatest recurring nightmare when I was growing up was my family dying and leaving me alone. I would wake up sobbing from dreams like that, and it would hurt a lot. I loved my family very deeply, but sometimes I subconsciously began to separate myself from them in preparation of the moment when they would leave me. This isn't necessarily healthy and makes me seem a bit distant at times. For a long time, I wondered why I didn't have more friends or why it didn't bother me so much when people moved away. I wondered what was wrong with me.

I finally realized that it isn't that I don't care about people. It is that I care too much. It is so painful for me to have someone leave my life that before it even begins happening, I start to emotionally separate from them.

When I was a kid, I once read a note that a girl had written about me. I thought we were pretty good friends, but one day, without meaning to, I glanced over and saw that she had something written in her notebook. I wasn't trying to pry, but I caught a glimpse of my name and I couldn't help myself. To another friend she had written: "Emma (meaning me) is such a jerk. She says mean things all the time and then says she's joking, but I know she's not."

That really hurt my feelings. It really hurt me that someone I thought loved me and understood me would not only misunderstand me, but then they would talk badly about me to another person I thought was my friend.

Granted, I was not a perfect child. I did make jokes and say I was kidding all the time. However, in our family, sometimes teasing is a sign of affection. I really was trying to be a good friend. When I said I was kidding, I REALLY was kidding. I tried to pick inoffensive things to tease people about, but evidently I wasn't doing a good job because I had hurt someone else's feeling. Which made me feel even worse.

That, and a few other betrayals of friendship, made me decide that I could be friends with myself. I like myself and understood myself. Myself and I could hang out and have a good time without other people. I didn't understand what had happened to all the other kids at my school. Some of them that I thought I was close to suddenly turned into different people. Only now do I realize they were all trying to figure out who they were and what they were becoming. It's a hard time for kids, but I needed someone who would love me no matter what and would appreciate the things that I did for them.

This can be a very useful mental ability. I know that if something were to happen to my family, this part of my brain would take over and I would be able to survive until I could recover emotionally. I just worry about the emotional recovery part.

On my mission, I had a companion that I knew was going to be transferred to another area. We were very close, and the thought of her leaving (albeit only a short distance away) was extremely painful for me. So, the logical part of my brain kicked in and told me that it would be easier if I just didn't care so much. Without meaning to, I began to withdraw from that friendship. She caught me at it, and we put a stop to it. We continue to be great friends to this day.


It took me years to pull my heart out of the box I had stuffed it into. College helped a lot, and the mission helped even more. I had the sacred experience on my mission of feeling a little bit of what Heavenly Father feels for his children. It was so powerful I felt like my  chest was going to explode with love, and I knew that was only a small portion of our Father's love. If Heavenly Father loves us all that much, why can't we love ourselves and each other?

I now have a best friend who loves me. He understands me better than anyone and tolerates my inadequacies while helping me improve. I can tell him anything and he listens without judgement. We are working together to be better people, and I'm so grateful that my Heavenly Father led me to my wonderful husband.

Sometimes, my heart still tries to pull back and separate myself from my family. It tries to protect me from being hurt, but I'm slowly learning how to let go of that fear. I want to be emotionally close to my husband and son, but if I allow the fear to pull me away I may not feel as much pain when we are separated, but I will also miss many joyous opportunities when we are together.

It's okay to feel pain. Pain helps you know that you are alive and have something to care about. Withdrawing from society or from those who love you may shield you from that pain, but it is not worth the cost. Love is a wonderful feeling that can bring unbridled joy into your life. It can be risky, but we grow as we experience opposition. If I had never felt pain from betrayal, would I truly value the love that I have now?

I don't think so.

Caring too much is a good thing. Don't let people beat it out of you. You're going to find someone who can treasure all the love you can give and when that happens, you'll be glad you never gave up.

Fun with the Family and Riding Dinosaurs

We had a great time this weekend. Grig, Kevin, Dakota, and I were able to travel to visit with my parents. They hadn't seen Kevin in around two months, so they were pretty excited for us to come visit.

There was just one problem.

Kevin was pretty sick.

The night before we left, Kevin got a really high fever, which made things complicated because I was supposed to go with the missionaries to teach a lesson and I had an appointment with the DMV to get a new driver's license. My grandparents were going to watch Kevin, but my grandpa is susceptible to catching colds, so I asked the missionaries if they could find someone else. They said they could, and so I stayed home that morning with Kevin. I asked my parents if they still wanted us to come, and my mother assured me that they had already been exposed to sick babies.

I was able to go to the DMV while Kevin played with his grandma in the car. I finished in about 45 minutes, and then Kevin and I headed home. I cleaned the house so it would look nice when we got back. Grig returned from work a few minutes later, and we packed quickly and left as soon as we could. We reached my parents' home at about 10:15 p.m. and though I wanted to talk to them, they had school the next day, so we went to bed.

Kevin didn't sleep well that night, or the next, or the next. He kept coughing and waking himself up. He would gag when he would try to nurse and sometimes the coughing would be so intense that it would cause him to throw-up all over me. That aspect of the weekend wasn't much fun, but other than that we had a great time.

Friday we relaxed and Kevin played with some of his cousins. Everyone assured us that they had already been exposed to sickness so it was fine. Kevin wasn't his normal happy self, but he still did quite well. For a sick baby, he was quite cheerful.

Dakota mostly spent the days relaxing and having a wonderful snooze. At my mother's home she isn't allowed in the kitchen, but that doesn't stop her from being as close to us as she possibly can.

Saturday, we went and picked up my new computer from my grandpa's shop. It is amazing. That's actually what I'm typing on right now. We've been saving up to buy it for a long time, and finally we were able to afford it. I want to do a lot of video editing on it, and my grandpa custom-made it to my specifications. It has 16 gigabytes of ram and a terabyte of hard-drive.

New computer

It runs like a dream. Programs that used to take ten minutes to load on my laptop now are open instantly. I love it! We were also able to visit with Kevin's (paternal) Great-Grandparents.

After we returned from that exciting journey, we went to my father's school and played in the indoor playground they have there. They also had a ball-pit, and the kids had a great time playing in that. Kevin really liked it at first, and I thought he might enjoy being tossed into the balls. At any other time, he probably would have, but since he wasn't feeling well it scared him. So, I jumped in with him and he felt better after that. He and his cousins had a great time!

While they were playing, my siblings and I played basketball. I sank around four three-point shots. I was doing pretty well. I forget how much I like basketball. We didn't play soccer this time, but there's always next time.

After the school, we returned to my parents' home, and talked for a while. It was nice to spend time with my family. We have plans to visit Grig's parents this summer as well. We're just trying to figure out when (and saving up for a plane ride).

Kevin found a dinosaur while we were there and decided that he needed to ride it. It wasn't very big, but we found it hilarious. He would carefully place it on the floor, and then try to settle himself on its back. It didn't work too well.

Riding the dinosaur

Sunday, we went to church with the family and Kevin actually took a nap through part of it, so that was good. We ate dinner with them, and then we packed up to leave. As we were about to leave, Grig was holding Kevin and Kevin just fell asleep on his shoulder. I was worried that he would wake up when we put him in the car, but my fears were luckily unfounded. On our way out of town, we stopped by my cousin's house who had just had a baby and by my brother's to say farewell. Kevin slept through both stops and all the way through the three hour drive after that. He awoke briefly when we got home, but after we went to bed, he quickly fell back asleep. He was feeling much better yesterday.

We had an amazing trip. We really enjoyed seeing everyone!

A Long Night

I mentioned briefly that Kevin was sick yesterday, but it wasn't until mid-afternoon that I felt it hit me too.  The two of us were a pretty pathetic group.  He wanted to be held all day, and so we spent the majority of the day watching our video blogs (which I'm pretty sure he watches more than anybody else) on one side of the screen, while I played lazy games on the other.

I was shivering when Grig got home from work, and I just wanted to go to bed.  Kevin and I laid down and Grig bundled us with blankets.  I took some ibuprofen, and after I while I felt less achy and I began to grow warm.  I was having a hard time falling asleep, but eventually I felt good enough to get back out of bed.  Kevin had fallen asleep, and so I had a few minutes to feel hungry.  I decided I was over the sickness, and I was rather pleased. 

Kevin's fever was up to 102 degrees F when he woke up, and we gave him some Tylonel, which quickly brought his fever down to 99.  We both were feeling fantastic.  I ate a couple chicken sandwiches and then we got ready for bed.

Kevin and Grig quickly fell asleep, but as I lay in bed, I began to feel cold again.  I shivered and pulled the extra blanket on top of me, but I couldn't get warm.  Finally, after laying in bed for two and a half hours, I woke up Grig at 12:30 a.m. and asked him if he could get me a drink of water and some ibuprofen.  He did.  Then, he went back to sleep.  Afterwards, about an hour later, I was able to feel warm again, but I still couldn't sleep.  Finally, at 2:00 a.m. I left my bed and went into the living room where I found out that ibuprofen actually reduces fever too.  I had thought it was just a pain medication.  That explained why I thought I was recovering. 

I got back in bed at 2:30 a.m. when Kevin woke up and I gave him some Tylenol because he was starting to feel warm again.  Then, I tried to sleep.  Finally, after Grig woke up and left, I was able to fall asleep about 4:00 a.m. 

Kevin and I slept in until 9:30, and then he woke up, so out of necessity I had to get up too.  I don't feel very good today, which is why this blog is so late again.  Kevin, however, after another bout of Tylenol decided he feels great, and he has gone into his room to play.  I decided to take this opportunity to let you know about the last two days.

I just took some ibuprofen again, so I'm starting to feel better too.  Hooray for drugs!  I don't normally like to take them, but I feel much better for it.

There are advantages to being sick at the same time as your baby.  You can kind of judge how they are feeling by how you are feeling.  You can take naps together and you don't really feel like doing anything either, so sitting on the couch and holding your son all day sounds nice.

However, I don't have much energy, and as Kevin's is coming back, I am feeling ill-equipped to deal with it.

I'm so grateful for an amazing husband who got up three times last night to take care of me.  He deserves a gold-star, and I wish everyone had a husband as awesome as him.  Dealing with sickness by yourself isn't much fun at all.

May you all stay healthy.  However, I am remembering how grateful I am for my health, so there is a purpose in getting sick.

Sick Baby

It's really hard to get anything done when you have a sick baby. 

Kevin had diarrhea the other day, and then we thought he was over it.  However, today he has reverted.  All he has wanted to do all day is be held and eat.  He obviously isn't feeling very well.

Having a sick baby is hard, but it's also a little bit nice because then he's cuddly.  My baby isn't super cuddly because he's so active, but when he isn't feeling well he just wants to be held.

This is why this blog is so short and so late today.  I'll hopefully get a video out tomorrow. 

Bye!