My Darker Side

I was sick yesterday.

It wasn't terrible, I felt like I was going to vomit a few times, but those moments came in waves. It was the worst Wednesday night. I was up until 3:00 a.m. because every time I laid down I felt really bad.

However, yesterday, I only felt like that occasionally. Mostly I was low on energy and somewhat grumpy. Sometimes I think I've mastered the temper thing, and then I've only gotten three hours of sleep, I feel sick, and my baby is yelling at me.

Not much fun.

Last night was awesome though.

Kevin went to sleep without a whimper. He's really getting this going to sleep without nursing thing. He woke up once in the middle of the night, but he came to our room, climbed in our bed and went right back to sleep. It was beautiful.

I feel refreshed and well-rested. It is an amazing feeling. I haven't felt this way in a week.

Grig and I were talking last night. We watched an episode of Smallville where a young Lex Luthor was split into his good and evil side. It was well done, and it got us thinking.

We wondered what our evil sides would be like.

Grig said that his would probably be kind of wormy. He told me that when he isn't doing what's right, he's kind of a coward. I thought that was pretty interesting, because normally he's a pretty brave guy.

I thought about it for a moment. Then I said that my evil side would probably be pretty selfish. After I said that though, I kind of laughed and said, "But isn't that the essence of what evil is? Evil is selfish by its very nature."

I then went on to say that I couldn't see myself out there trying to rule the world. Most likely, I would hole up in my home, rarely go outside, and just do what I wanted to do. I might have a job, but only enough to fuel my own addictions. I'd probably watch t.v. or play games all the time and do nothing for anyone else.

You never know though. Sometimes our darker side can surprise us.

I just don't think I'm motivated enough to make a good super-villain.

Either way, the thought is kind of scary. I don't think I'd like it if my darker side took over. I like helping other people, and I really love my family. It makes me happy to do things for them. I don't really like it when I get mad or lose my temper. It doesn't happen much anymore, but I feel pretty bad about it when it does. I've been told that I can be kind of scary.

My goal is to push that darker side back until the good side wins out. It's not always easy to do what is right, but it is definitely worth it. I like who I am when I'm not selfish. I don't like the selfish part of me.

What would your darker side be like?